My PIED story

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Anonymou5, Mar 19, 2017.

  1. Anonymou5

    Anonymou5 Fapstronaut

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    So I must have started masturbating when I was around 14 years of age, the usual age with testosterone just surging through my teenage body. I probably masturbated (on average) around once a day until I got into a relationship with a girl at 19. As far as I was aware, masturbation was only beneficial to me and there were literally no negatives con-notated to it. I had no idea the damage I was dealing on my body - both physically and mentally.

    The pornography I started off watching was what would be considered by today's majority to be 'normal' (standard male on female). Around the age of 15/16 I found videos which are called JOI videos (jerk off instruction), for some reason a woman telling me how to masturbate excited me/got me off, this including such things as edging. I probably spent around 2 or 3 years watching these types of video before I encountered erotic hypnosis at around 17 years old. There's a particular way in which I ended up at this point, however I won't explain how just in case anybody reading this decides they might want to try it. Trust me, it's not worth it.

    I also at some point along the road (probably around 18) found myself watching videos where you masturbate to a certain musical rhythm whilst watching pornography and try to last for as long as you can. As you can imagine, from all of the above combined with masturbating once a day for 5 or 6 years straight, I got pretty good at it pretty quickly. Silly me thinking this was a good thing for when I got a girlfriend... wrong.

    So at 19 I got into a relationship with a girl and the first time we had sex (my first time ever) my shit didn't work. I couldn't maintain an erection. Nerves? No, I'm a fairly confident person (it just didn't feel as good as I expected) but this is what I pipped it to anyway. At this point I was probably masturbating 3 or 4 times a week still, I didn't see any problem with it. For the first 6 months it wasn't a problem because we both just made the excuse that I was nervous and it was something psychological that I would eventually get over. I truly believed this until around a year into our relationship and I decided to do some research of my own. I found out about how porn may be affecting my brain and that I may also be gripping too hard when I masturbate (death grip) desensitizing my penis. For the following 6 months I tried to stop masturbating all together but I couldn't, I would eventually and inevitably relapse.

    I've never considered myself to have an addictive personality. I don't smoke, I don't do any type of harmful/illegal drugs and I only drink heavily around once a week (I'm a student). I look after my body by going to the gym and playing sport, yet without even a sliver of knowledge, I'd developed an addiction to masturbation and it was harming my personal life. My body/brain craved the dopamine/serotonin (whichever it is) release. So after a year and a half I decided I had to end the relationship, we weren't really having sex and it was becoming more of a problem. The worst part was that I lied to her, but I couldn't tell her the real reason, how could I? It's embarrassing.

    So here I am at 22 still struggling to get over my addiction by myself (I haven't told anyone and don't really want to - I'm stubborn like that I guess). In the past 9 months my longest period of time without PMO is 3 weeks. I managed this through sheer willpower and distraction... although eventually I relapsed and I went back into my normal pattern. Recently, sometimes I'll only PMO once a week, but then other times I'll PMO 3x in one day - it's really inconsistent. However something clicked 5 days ago, I don't know why or what, but I actually wanted to stop. The first time properly in forever, or I at least want to reboot. I guess I hope not masturbating for 90 days will just rid me of any want to go back to it.

    So anyway that's my story and this is me trying to reboot hard mode, props to you if you're still reading, I don't even know if it really makes any sense.
     
    Rebooter45674 likes this.
  2. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    Thank you for sharing your story and welcome to NoFap where you are amongst friends who are here to encourage you and sometimes challenge you but not judge you.

    What are your current strategies for combating the enemy called PMO?
     
  3. esforzado

    esforzado Fapstronaut

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    I would like to be your companion in your reboot and encourage you to go through the difficult path of those 90 days. I admire your desire to be free, just tell me and we'll start. There are lots of things I want to tell you about sexuality and living a clean life.
     
  4. Anonymou5

    Anonymou5 Fapstronaut

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    What would this entail? I have so far gone a week without PMO, my best is 3. Thanks for your message.
     
  5. Anonymou5

    Anonymou5 Fapstronaut

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    No problem, thank you for reading it and thanks for your message. I have no real current strategy, apart from my own willpower. I understand it will be hard and it hasn't worked so far for me, but this is the only time I've ever really wanted to quit.
     
  6. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

  7. Anonymou5

    Anonymou5 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you.
     
    D . J . likes this.
  8. esforzado

    esforzado Fapstronaut

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    OK, my friend, an accountability partner is defined as "a person who coaches another person in terms of helping the other person to keep a commitment". You tell me what you are commiting to do and tell me how it goes, how you are feeling. My mission would be to encourage you all the time, providing you with reasons to carry on, not to dismay, etc., etc. But lately I remember about a source that has helped many men around the world, both alcoholics and sex addicts, Here it is for you, please read it and comment if back to me, if by any chance you would like me to emphasize on these convictions and ideas. If so, tell me about your religious faith (or lack of it) and religious practice (or lack of it, also):

    The Twelve Steps

    1. We admitted that we were powerless over lust—that our lives had become unmanageable.
    2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
    3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
    4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
    5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
    6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
    7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
    8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
    9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
    10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
    11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
    12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to sexaholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.


    © 1997-2017 Sexaholics Anonymous Inc.
     
  9. Anonymou5

    Anonymou5 Fapstronaut

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    Hey, sorry I've not been very active for the past few days, I've been busy with uni work and my dissertation in particular. I've been withstanding pretty well, however today and yesterday I have noticed myself starting to think about PMO more and more, I'm having to tell myself not to give into temptation. I don't have any religious faith, I'm what many would call atheist.
     
    D . J . likes this.
  10. esforzado

    esforzado Fapstronaut

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    OK, "atheist", it is important to have a reason when quitting, a good reason, a reason that is important to you. This habit is a habit we probably would not quit unless it had some bad repercussions in our lives. Cigarette smokers would not quit if it did not affect them adversely. They lose lung capacity and eventually get cancer. There are all kinds of bad results from using porn all the time. From PIED (porn induced erectile dysfunction) to social interaction problems.
    "When I quit, I quit. I did not count the days, I woke up every morning and said to myself I am never going back". I think that is the mindset you must have.
     

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