My Porn/Masturbation Addiction

pmoaddict42

New Fapstronaut
I might have some weak grammar (because I am not a Native English speaker). So if you find some then pls understand.

Hello guys. I am a 16 year old male, who has been masturbating for over 4 and 1/2 years. My addiction started when I was 12 years. It all started when I started rubbing my penis while looking at half-naked women. While I was doing it suddenly sperm came out. I didn't know why it came, and it pained in my anus when I first did it. I thought it was Dangerous but still wanted to try it out nonetheless. I didn't knew it would become a harmful addiction. Here's my experience:-

  1. After a year or two, I started to sweat when I went outside, and I thought I had social anxiety, but it was a result of me feeling guilty after masturbating.

  2. Memory loss has become worse. Yes I am not kidding. What I'm studying will get deleted from my brain. For example when I was in 11th grade (15 years old) I could memorize studies in the beginning, but as I masturbated, in the end during final exams I could not remember the things I studied (partially). There are other awkward situations which are caused by my memory loss. Once I left my glasses somewhere and after only few minutes I had to search my whole house to know where I kept it.

  3. Other symptoms like lack of Cognitive brain functions, lack of focus were evident. I couldn't focus on studies anymore. Only within 4 and a half years, my brain has been damaged. I didn't masturbate every single day in those 4 and 1/2 years. I have maybe given 1 day gap in a month and sometimes I didn't.
After only 2 years of Masturbating, in my 3rd year I decided to quit, because I wanted to be a good boy, like morally good. (even though social anxiety was evident, I didn't think it was a result of my masturbation, memory loss, lack of focus wasn't worse then).

And then in my 4th year, after few symptoms got evident, I researched and found NoFap. From then I got to know that it was damaging me, and I wish I knew this earlier. From my 4th year I decided to quit it as I knew exactly what it was doing to my brain.

I just couldn't quit. I tried to not masturbate, and I did for a day, then relapsed. I nofap for a day, relapse. After a week of masturbating I get the motivation, Nofap and relapse. This cycle has been happening for a year and a half, and here I am. I cried a lot, but to no avail. The best of my nofap progress is only 6 days. I could only go far upto 6 days, and no more than that. Now, I could only be free for a day, and then I get this urge. I failed so many times, that victory seems Impossible for me.

After all these years of watching porn, I wanted to marry a nympho woman so that I can have sex with everyday. Porn has made me ignore the "trad, innocent, cute women" type. Deep in my mind I know that I don't want to be a simp trying to find a "sex-addicted" type woman. With my future flowing in front of my eyes, to trying to get motivation, nothing could make me stand up on my feet.

I know that if I touch any smart device, my hand would unconsciously try to make me search for porn. I have been an emotionless, robot kind of man. I want to call myself a man, but I couldn't. I feel pity for ones who missed their childhood because of porn. I watched people in their 30's regret their life because of porn, and that still couldn't motivate me.

With all that being said. I really want to quit this living hell. So since the May is coming to an end, I will prepare myself during the remaining days and start my journey once again from June 2024 to May 2025. I am really excited about my journey. I hope that I at least, now walk myself into the path of Victory. My parents know that I masturbate, and I have been caught many times(don't ask me how and when), but they don't know that I have an addiction. It's fine, they shouldn't know it, or they will be disappointed in me, that I have wasted so many years. I want to present them the "New Me", where I confidently go outside, engage in conversations without social anxiety, be a strong man, study well, and what not? Damn, I will be a totally different person than anyone has ever seen me before.

Until 24th May, I will respond to your comments, after that day onwards, I would not come to reddit or open any other smart device, until May 2025. This is going to be very hard, and I can't give up, because I gave up many times and now my life has not given me any chance to quit. Let's only hope for the best....
 
Interesting story. Reminds me of myself. Especially the weird feeling after ejaculating for the first time. Even though I did not have any pain in the anal region. Could have been the prostate.
Nevertheless, I hope you are not in need of smart devices for school or have already found alternatives to those.
I do not think you want a "nympho-wife". Seems to be a sexual fantasy, maybe even a fetish. I also do not think you want a trad-wife (what do you mean by that?).
Thanks for replying. Yep I don't need smart devices right now. By "trad" I mean a traditional woman, I hope you understand. Well yes because of me addicted to porn I wanted to be with a nympho wife who likes to have sex a lot, so yes it is my sexual fantasy developed by porn.
 
Back
Top