Hey all! Looking for some advice, and also just to write out my thoughts and understand them better hopefully. So I grew up a Christian and believed until recently that sex was completely wrong before marriage, as were all forms of sexual activity. I have recently (within the last year) changed a lot of my thoughts on these things, and I'm not sure now where I stand, but I want to have sex and dont believe its sinful anymore... or at least, I'm giving myself permission to try it. As a preteen, when I went through puberty, I would often masturbate on lingerie that I found in the house, which got out of control at one point when I did it at someone else's house at 14 and got caught afterwards when she found the bra I had used. My parents also found out that I had looked at porn and had big talks with me about it that embarassed me a lot. Anyways, I had a two girlfriends with whom I did nothing sexual at all, and then one with whom I would play around a bit. We never took off any clothes, but we would grind and sometimes I came in my pants, though I dont know if I actually had an erection during many of those times. I didnt find her particularly attractive to be honest, but she had charisma and would instigate things and be sexy about it which turned me on. However, she wasnt interested when I would try to instigate things and it ended up being that she basically decided where, when and how we would fool around if at all. There were a few times where I remember I tried to masturbate a little in order to get hard but it didnt work well. Anyways, that ended and I was single for about a year, and just a month ago I started dating someone again. We were only together for a week and a half before we became long distance, and I didn't want to have sex so quickly, though I do want to have sex with her. But we did sleep in the same bed and fooled around. However, I never got hard with her despite trying about 8 times. We grinded and petted but never took off our underwear, though everything else came off. Partly I'm worried becsuse I have a crooked penis, but also just dont want to have sex yet. She is pretty docile though, and gentle which is difficult for me because I tend to freeze in sexual situations and wait for the other person to move us into the next stage. I also find myself always worried about getting an erection, pleasing her, and how she might compare me to her ex, with whom she had a really short relationship that consisted almost solely of sex. She is a wonderful girl and I find her absolutely gorgeous, and I want to please her when we have sex and not be worried about my erection the whole time. Since we became long distance, I have been reading about ED almost daily and researching foods, pills, surgeries, etc. Anyways, I wonder a couple things; 1) I think I have ED, but I havent ever taken my dick out even or tried to have sex. We have fooled around for like 20 minutes though and I feel like I should have an erection after that long! Is it a safe assumption? What can I do about it? 2) I want to not feeze next time we fool around/try to have sex. How can I build my confidence? 3) I like the idea of being seduced, and I think that that is what stimulates me the most. Perhaps I'm even a bit submissive when it comes to sex; the porn I like tends to be porn in which the girl does a lot of talking or where she is dominant over the guy. Or where it's just a girl and she is being dominant over the viewer. Since my girlfriend is pretty submissive too, does this mean we are sexually incompatible? I sometimes worry that if I were to let her be on top and pleasure her then she would find me boring and uncharismatic. How do you get around these things? 4) I am worried about everything that I think about/do that is sexual now, and I worry that I will cause myself to have ED or make it worse. What have you done to help psychologically with ED and sex? For instance, I have tried several times to give myself a hard-on by fantasizing without touching myself, just to make sure its possible, and it has worked once. Is that a good idea or no? Thanks for letting me spill my guts out! Just to be clear, I'm not going to masturbate or watch porn, and that's mostly because I want to overcome ED by the time I see my gf again. Please let me know any tips you got slash encouragement!!