My problem with email/chat

Hey guys, this isn't really a question or comment, but the start of a journal about my problematic sexual habits.

So ever since I discovered chatrooms as a kid, I remember getting a rush. I always felt it was amazing that we could just chat with complete strangers and get to know them. Unfortunately, that interest morphed into not-so-innocent things, eg. explicitly talking about sex (unwarranted). This is one aspect of my pmo journey that I haven't really addressed, I thought I'd group it into porn and just abstain from everything, but this is the one I keep getting stuck on. I've cut out porn, I've cut out masturbating, but sometimes (very infrequently), I fall into my old habits of chatting about sex with girls. I'm very ashamed of this and it's hard to admit, because it's simply a shitty thing to do - I'm in a serious relationship. This obsession has gone way too far, eg. emailing pornstars, bothering girls on craigslist, etc. (I'll never meet any of them obviously, its just chatting about sex, but either way, it's bad and it's cheating, and I feel like a horrible person. Writing it makes me acknowledge how bad this behavior is, and really hits it home.) I'm going to quit for good, this is it. I've done it 3 times in the last 90 days, and I'm never doing it again.

I'll be back tomorrow to outline WHY I'm doing it (explicity stating the reasons helps me a lot), and how I'm going to do it. And why exactly it's a problem (it consumes my time, I end up doing it in risky places), etc.

 

You seem to have a good understanding of the situation.
I guess sometimes you just tell yourself that it's ok to have a 'little look.
I hope to get to a place where I never feel the need.
Keep going man!

 

Thanks for the replies. Though I don't think it's as bad as AllNamesTaken makes it sound (at least not from their perspective, but regardless, it's bad and I'll stop.)
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So today is day 1, wasn't very hard to keep away from it. I'd say this was the weakest of my addictions, other two being porn and masturbating. However, they're all closely tied in together. I'm just going to remind myself why I'm doing it though.

1) it's unhealthy for me psychologically
2) it's unhealthy for my sex life
3) it's cheating on my SO
4) it isn't fair to the other person
5) it makes me feel like shit
6) it makes me completely unproductive
7) it's just a morally bad thing to do
8) i'm not in an open relationship, and I'd suspect that if my SO did this, I'd be mad. So I can't be a hypocrite

I'll be back later or tomorrow. I'm never doing it again, and I have the confidence to say that because I've beaten my other two addictions (with a lot of hard work), so I know what it takes to beat this one.

 

Day 2:

Getting kinda tempted this morning, just because I'm alone in the house. Just trying to stay busy. Keep reminding myself that the first few days are the worst, but after that it's smooth sailing (but you still have to be mindful of your triggers, and still need to keep strong.) Regardless, I wish I was further along but whatever, better late than never.

I'll be back tomorrow probably. Good luck everyone

 

Day 3:

Gonna be busy today, so today's an easy day. Not much to say really, just wanted to check in. Hope everyone is doing fine.

 

Haven't really been checking in, but I guess I'm on day 17 already, that's pretty awesome. I haven't relapsed or anything, but I have been getting urges today. I just need to remind myself why I'm doing this:
- I don't want to cheat on my partner
- I don't want to be sexually intimate with anyone else
- I don't want to bother people with my sexual fetishes
- It's not fair to me, it's not fair to my spouse, and it's not fair to the other girls
- It's not good for my psychologically
- i want to get over this obsession
- i don't want to obsess over anything like this, I want all my sexual energy focused on my spouse