My real life story of rediscovering my testosterone and myself

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by AJcoffeebean, Sep 26, 2018.

  1. AJcoffeebean

    AJcoffeebean Fapstronaut

    7
    1
    3
    Guys, it's taken me a lot of time and thought to summon the courage to write this confession.

    Overview:
    I am a 33 year old male who has been indulging in pornography and masturbation (to varying degrees) since I was 14 years old. I never really realized how big a problem it was until recently. I've always done well with the ladies due to my height, attitude, and some good genetics however I have very frequently steered clear of intercourse and opted for messing around, HJ, BJ etc. because I wanted to hide the bodyfat I had developed and due to ED (caused by excess masturbation and excess alcohol while out partying). It's ridiculous that I had so much access to women in college yet I continued to watch porn. In hindsight, I now realize that I was addicted but I just did not know any better at that time. (Looking back, we're all idiots right?)

    Marriage: When I got married, I obviously stopped flirting around and noticed that my social skills began to diminish with women other than my wife and I had performance issues with my wife because I secretly continued to watch porn and masturbate even though I had 24/7 access to a gorgeous woman. The performance issues led to some tension in our marriage because my wife could not understand why this was happening and I could not confess my addiction to her. Deep down inside I knew that masturbating and pornography had something to do with my performance issues but I refused to admit that I was addicted. It was blatantly obvious - E.g. When we traveled to Europe and were out and about sightseeing, hiking in mountains, drinking ourselves silly, and enjoying life we would have sex just about every night and I was able to 'perform' because I was too busy being out in the real world to indulge in my addictions and once we came back home the performance issues started again.

    Body: I have developed somewhat of a skinny fat physique over the past few years. I have had an on and off again relationship with gyms and have always noticed that my 'gains' have been inferior to peers of my age who have been doing the exact same workouts as me. I now realize that this is probably because of a few lifestyle choices and most importantly because I never gave my naturally produced testosterone and other hormones the opportunity to build muscle and burn my body fat. I highly doubt any athletes go home and watch porn and jerk off. It's a bit of a chicken or the egg question - what comes first? The athletic body or the refusal to watch porn or masturbate? The refusal. Question: Have any of you successfully transformed your physique from skinny fat to something you are proud off or reduced your bodyfat% from around 25% to 16% or lower?

    My awakening: One fine day I was going to indulge in some erotic imagery and stories and jerk off when it immediately struck me that the words "wanker" and "jerk off" are used as derogatory terms throughout the world. I thought about this long and hard and the realization that I had literally turned myself into a "jerk off" i.e a half ass beta man hit me like a ton of bricks. It totally blew me away. This realization led me down a path which resulted in me discovering this website and renouncing pornography and masturbation. All I have to do now is ask myself if I would rather be a man or a "jerk off" and the thought of masterbating repulses me.

    Aftermath: Since then I have made my wife pregnant and we have a happy and healthy baby inside of her right now (God bless). However, as a result she's not available for sex so I have occasionally relapsed (early on) but for the most part I've stayed on track and my wife is much happier. I find everything about her so attractive. I am literally even attracted to her shoulders, her skin, I just want to dress her up in lingerie, then tear it off, kiss and lick her entire body and fuck her brains out every day. I feel like a horny teenager again who wakes up to rock hard boners in the middle of the night and every morning. Hell, I was chilling on my couch the other day and came across some posts on Instagram and ended up getting a rock hard boner. It's pretty ridiculous and amazing at the same time. I have committed to an intense group fitness class that incorporates cardio and safe weight training (dumbbells, kettlebells, medicine balls, pullups, pushups etc.), committed to 8k steps daily (over and above my workouts), started hot yoga recently (not sure if it's called hot because of the temperature or the women), and am in the process of launching my own business. I admit that I have not noticed any visible change in my bodyfat % or muscles yet, and neither has my business launched (it's just been a few weeks), however, I hope to come back to this post soon with some positive updates on that front. I do however feel amazing. I can literally feel electricity in my veins. Sex is so much better - every touch, kiss, and sound just resonates so much more with my body. (Note: I refuse to renounce orgasms entirely as some people advocate. I firmly believe that is counter productive. Real sex with a real woman is always welcome and I strongly encourage you guys to pursue real sex with your wife, girlfriend, friends with benefits, one night stands or whatever as long as it's consensual, healthy, and within reasonable limits. Just use common sense and listen to your body.) My erections are harder. I have a baby on the way. I have the will and grit to fight for my dreams. I have hope and belief that armed with my new found testosterone and discipline (and your support) I will finally build the body, social network, and business that I have dreamed off for a long time.

    Thank you to the founders of this website for providing us a forum to connect. I am at crossroads right now. I have to succeed, because if I don't I have no idea if and when it will ever happen. I promise you all that I will do everything I can to succeed. Promise me you will do the same. I hope you will all help keep me accountable and inspire me.

    Thank you.
     
    Last edited: Sep 26, 2018
  2. Ossyblaz9

    Ossyblaz9 Fapstronaut

    51
    83
    18
    I'm glad u making good progress keep on the stride more grace
     
    AJcoffeebean likes this.
  3. AJcoffeebean

    AJcoffeebean Fapstronaut

    7
    1
    3
    Thank you.
     

Share This Page