My relapse story. I am too sexually attracted to new colleague.

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Nick 1989, Dec 11, 2018.

  1. Nick 1989

    Nick 1989 Fapstronaut

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    I am a 29 year old single male with a 13 year history of daily PMO. My goals going into NoFap were to increase my willpower and energy. In January 2018 I decided I would start NoFap. I’ve really improved in many ways. My willpower, energy, and motivation mostly increased with a few minor ups and downs. My beliefs and attitudes about women also changed.
    The biggest and best possible change was that I just felt smarter and more optimistic about my future and my ability to achieve my goals in life.

    I was doing pretty well for eight months. I work for a small company of 11 people, and we just hired this woman about three months ago. She is a 42year old 5ft10 tall heterosexual curvy hourgllass shaped attractive brunette. She has very large massive breasts and she does have a big butt. She has very olive skin. Most of her outfit are satin pant and skirt suits satin coats and satin and silk blouses. She is always on high heels and full make up on. She is curvy, tall and busty, so many clothes tend to look sexier on her than on a thin person. She wears almost always her satin and silk blouses fully buttoned to the top combined with a satin skirt or satin pants. She doesn't wear anything vulgar but because of her body type anything she wears looks tight on her. She is married for 16 years and she has a 14 year old daughter. She is very serious, arrogant, and stuck up.


    I was instantly extremely attracted to this woman, so much so that I could barely even look her in the eye at first. Being the quiet and reserved person that I am, I kind of didn't really talk to her, but no one thought much of it (I am known as the silent one in the office). It is pure physical attraction, not emotional. Most of other colleagues seem to think she is a stuck up overdressed snob. When she speaks with other colleagues , she tends to be overly nice and I guess that comes off as fake which definitely doesn't help the situation. Also this woman is kinda dumb. Sometimes she says some really stupid/ignorant things. Her geography is extremely bad. If somebody asked her if Australia was in southern or northern hemisphere she wouldn't know. She knows nothing about politics or the ongoing affairs of the world and thinks history is boring. To be honest the reasons I'm drawn to her are her looks and her clothes. Also she is upper middle class,stuck up snob. She is completely stuck up, spoiled and arrogant. She's a deeply unhappy woman and the only way she can feel better about herself is by feeling 'superior' to others.

    I relapsed. I've snuck off to the bathroom at work many times after getting an eyeful of her walking around with her big massive breasts & butt cheeks swaying all over the place. She is so radiant and tall and big and soft.She is objectively very attractive, much hotter than any woman I've ever slept with. I know that I shouldn't do it but it is difficult to resist the urge to masturbate.It's getting out of control. Also she is always dressed in satin an silk clothes which doesn't help the situation.But she never wears anything trashy. She dresses in mainly form fitting satin and silk fashionable clothing. She has a more stylish sense of fashion but she keeps herself well covered. She is not particularly fond of wearing revealing clothes. She prefers to wear covered, yet form fitting fashionable clothes. What's happening to me?

    I imagine that she and i are in the break room after hours, and she mentions that she's noticed me watching her. I relapsed because the urges where so strong i felt my heart shaking all my body. I don't know what to do.I have quite a big problem.I need to get my things in order. I feel like smashing my head against a wall sometimes I just can't stop thinking. How do I stop this?

    To make things worse there is this 53year old skinny short like 5ft2 tall freckled face thin lips green eyes redhaired soft butch lesbian woman colleague. This ugly ginger midget woman walks up to the new tall curvy co worker(who i masturbate to) and gives her massages every day up to 4 times a day. She rubs her shoulders and back. Also this ginger midget always gives the new tall curvy co worker(who i masturbate to) long prolonged tight full hugs around her waist from the front side or back. Also because this ginger lesbian coworker is really short and this co worker(who i masturbate to) is tall always when she is hugging her from the front she is pressing her face on her massive soft breasts and she is "accidentally"coping a feel of her butt. She is always constantly patting her lower back and touching her hair. She also always places her hand on her ass when she stands beside her also she always links arms with her and walks leaning into her. This co worker(who i masturbate to) is always on high heels and this touchy feely ginger lesbian is always in flat shoes.Standing next to her she looks like a midget.

    Their "relationship" actually has made me really jealous, and there have been a couple moments that really made me wince. I'm assuming I'm just being jealous, but if I'm the problem, how do I get over it? I want to vent this frustration out, so writing here.
    I'd like to get someone else's opinion on this. Thanks for listening.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 18, 2018
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  2. TIMMY0110

    TIMMY0110 Fapstronaut

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    Hi buddy,

    I was also attracted you a female colleague in the past. The attraction was purely sexual. Eventaully the feeling faded away. I hope the same happens to you (if thats what you want.)

    Just being patient and dont do anything stupid
     
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  3. Atlanticus

    Atlanticus Moderator Assistant
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    Honestly, it sounds like the challenge here is not that she's so attractive (and knows it), that she's married (unhappily, you say), or that she has a loose-fingered lesbian co-worker ... but that she appears like a 3-dimensional MO sex object.... instead of a person to relate to, compliment, seduce, have a thing with, be real with, be yourself with, etc. So, it's like PMO addiction has shifted to a WMO habit (where W stands for woman)... which is not much, if any, better, in terms of your reboot.

    So....as usual, and as for all of us, the answer seems to be to continue to reboot and to continue to look for and create _real_ relationships in life.

    Good luck!
     
    Buddhabro, ad vera amoris and CH3RRY like this.
  4. SirErnest

    SirErnest Fapstronaut
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    It may be an idea to add a 'trigger warning' to this post as you have written a detailed description of hot women. I don't know how to add it though.
     
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  5. Dustboy

    Dustboy Fapstronaut

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    My guy lets see what you can do first you need to see in what position you are in when she is well dress that means she also want a guy with style i dont know if you have style but dress well one day show you have style like wear a smoking something that slimm dont tie this rope up your throad.like this guy from passenger this movie i watched it jesterday ,when he dated that girl just .i dont know how to discripe i linked a picture if you have a differend maybe a whiter it would be better a watch is also importand maybe a golden this shit cost here 14 € in zara.you said your a quite guy people gonne ask if you have a date or something just say you met with bunch of friend in disco whater you like.just go the way normal you always go dont lok around or something. hair is also importand in my country turkisch barber do good job find a barber ask if this cool or nah you need to have a good combination betwin leg until head the thick women will definitly notice you and would talk with you rather than work.
     

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  6. Ra's Al Ghul

    Ra's Al Ghul Fapstronaut

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    So shes a Milf but shes married.
     
  7. Dustboy

    Dustboy Fapstronaut

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    Your text was too long i just read you wanted to smash.if cant smash or wont just look at her back if she has a pimpels some cancer shit or hair under her clouths that she brought my dick from 100 degree to 0°
     
  8. Nick 1989

    Nick 1989 Fapstronaut

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    Wow! You really get to a bottom of things. I see this woman my new coworker as merely sex object. With this always dressed in silk and satin woman is about lust, not love. It is pure physical attraction, not emotional. I just can't help myself because this is the way that I am, this is how my body react to her and her shiny clothes.She is extremely fashionable, elegant, glamorous, and classy. It’s more physical than actually mental.She is an absolute ideal ten for me physically. She is so tall and big and soft.I don't consider myself a very short guy (I'm 5' 9"), but she happens to be pretty tall for a woman (5' 10"). She has a an inch on me. It is very noticeable because she always wears high heels. She towers over me. I just want to have sex with her I know it’s wrong. What's happening to me?.

    Is it normal to be so jealous of this ginger midget old lesbian colleague? Is it normal for me to get really jealous when this old ginger rubs her back or shoulder or hugs her or touches her hair or butt?

    I don't understand it. I feel the overwhelming sensation of guilt all the time. I am sick of this. I’m confused and my mind doesn’t stop. I really worry that I’m going to lose myself completely! I don't want to waste your time but I had to get some of this out of my head. What is wrong with me?

     
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  9. Nick 1989

    Nick 1989 Fapstronaut

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    I am good looking, but really shy when it comes to women. I am wondering, how come i am so shy when it comes to good looking women? I am shy as hell when it comes to any woman i feel is attractive! I think it stems from the fact that i have always had such a low self confidence ever since i was a kid. Over the years, i have gradually built up this low self confidence, and now that i am 29, i finally do feel confident in myself, but i still have the same problem!

    I often wear dress shirts or sports shirts with jeans at work, and quite like the look.
     
  10. Nick 1989

    Nick 1989 Fapstronaut

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    I can't stop thinking about/wacking off to her.She is so radiant and tall and big and soft. She dresses in mainly form fitting satin and silk fashionable clothing. She is always on high heels and full make up on. Is this normal? I mean, on a typical work day i swear I randomly have to visit the bathroom at work about twice a day just to get shit out of my mind so i can focus on WORK. Its seriously annoying. sometimes i just WANT TO FUCKING WORK. I'm a fool who can't control myself. I'm just so upset with myself. Not sure what I can really do? I just hate myself.I came here on this forum with the hope that I would find someone to help me with advice. I wish I can find someone who can understand what I'm going through or maybe someone who's going through what I am so we can help eachother.


    I feel absolutely defeated. Ground zero. I'm mad at myself. I'm mad for all the progress I made and I let it go. All the superpowers are 100% true and I had my suspicions at first. It literally fixed me and made me an awesome individual... or rather uncovered what had always been underneath.
     
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  11. Atlanticus

    Atlanticus Moderator Assistant
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    Dude, you want sympathy. You got it. We know the syndrome all too well. We empathize.

    You want legitimization. You won't get it. Whereas we sympathize with your struggles, we know you gotta man up. You say "I can't stop thinking about/wacking off" ... we think "of course you can, IF you want and decide to." Welcome to NoFap -- again:) No matter how often you repeat phrases like "she's just so x" or "that I masturbate to" or "sometimes I just wanna work" we are unlikely to be impressed by your determination, we may even suspect you of trying to trigger us, and we will likely be discreetly yawning a bit... coz your struggles are just like ours, which is what got us here. So there. Sorry. No cigar.

    You ask "is this normal?" Well...PMO addiction is not "normal" .... just a natural thing turned into a out-of-control perversion.
    You ask "what is happening to me?" Well, you're just shifting your PMO addiction onto a Woman so that you can choke the chicken and thus continue the addiction under a different guise (WMO). Stuff like that, too, we've seen many times -- though I know you may feel like your case is the worst; we all do! Addictions have a tendency to "shift"... when we close one door it wants to open another. I was Netflix binging after p-sub-binging after PMO-binging... Same shift thing. The trick it to see through it as being part of one and the same struggle.
    You ask "what is happening to me?" But the more you read your fellow Fapstronauts the more you'll find that low self-esteem has often led to over-shyness, leading to P, leading to PMO addiction, leading to NoFap, leading to relapse, leading to... low self-esteem:( The only remedy is a consistent, smart, and pro-active reboot (which in your case includes no WMO) _combined_, COMBINED with (did I mention combined with?) the search for meaning, truth, and genuine content in life. Just taking away P without filling the vacuum with actual constructive, healthy, comprehensive, real, and humanly satisfying content.....will eventually come crashing down like an empty house of cards, IMO.

    Make any sense?

    Good luck!
     
    Last edited: Dec 11, 2018
  12. Not sure what your looking for here. You work with an attractive older woman that is married and you will probably never have sex with her. The only advice I can give is to wait awhile and eventually you'll get bored with her and find someone else to obsess about.
     
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  13. Nick 1989

    Nick 1989 Fapstronaut

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    First, I want to thank you for taking the time to read...perhaps you have been in a similar situation and have some light to shed, but this is something that has been haunting me for over three months and I feel so stuck.

    I can't stop thinking about her sexually, and it's even distracting at work and halters my productivity. I would like to sleep with her. I want to gently grab her, pull her face to mine, and kiss her with the usual passion and energy that I offer to a woman. But I understand the potential consequences of this action. Sexual harassment, getting fired, things turning sour and work becoming unbearable, etc.

    Is it worth potentially screwing up a couple lives?

    I don't seek to elope with her. What do you think I should do about it? This is really hard for me. Whenever she needs help at work, I almost always make time for her no matter what. She is like a child, needing constant approval about anything she does.

    This woman my desirable colleague asks me how to do the same thing several times per day. It doesn’t mean she is lazy just that she’s incapable, perhaps due to lack of experience or capacity, of performing to an adequate level.She is constantly asking me the most basic of basic questions. I feel Like I am her helpdesk at times.

    I am in this situation now; what do I do? She is very desirable which is why I am obsessing.Moreover, in the past I have scared women away for acting weird (nothing major or too weird) but enough where they weren’t interested in me. I am just not good at talking to attractive women; I get tongue tied and am not confident.

    I love her height and her curvy stature. This has been going on for over three months now. And she is 100% straight. She would never want to kiss a woman. She is very sexually attracted to men. She is completely the opposite to a homophobe... but she is literally 100% straight. She says that she is 100% straight and that even the thought of eating out a vagina makes her gag. I should note that I know that this is all a set up for failure. My mind hasn't been able to think straight in months. This woman my desirable colleague flirts with many of our male clients. She says that it is part of her job as a client manager (making clients feel better about themselves). She gets hit on a lot by guys, which makes women she is around jealous for some reason. She has an overwhelming amount of attention from men.When she goes out in public guys start talking to her and subtly try to ask her out. She mentions that she has a husband but some of them wont go away. Gosh how I want her! What do I do? At home i day dream about having sex with her all the time. I know you can't help feelings of arousal, but what bothers me is i worry about letting myself enjoy them.

    .

    After 8 months of NOFAP I got what I wanted. I got more shit done and I was happy. Everything was going fine.



    Is it normal to be so jealous of this ginger midget old lesbian colleague? Is it normal for me to get really jealous when this old ginger rubs her back or shoulder or hugs her or touches her hair or butt? This ginger lesbian colleague is creepy and ugly but she is tiny short skinny 53year old masculine woman. She is not tough and strong. She is not intimidating. She is physically completely harmless. Standing next to my desirable colleague she looks like a midget. But she has to have her hands on my desirable colleague. It's just the obsessive touching her and rubbing her. Like she can't keep away from this woman my desirable colleague. And I find it weird she behaves so touchy.
     
  14. Toomuchh

    Toomuchh Fapstronaut

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    Go take a long cold shower

    You acting like you're 16 not 29
     
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  15. ad vera amoris

    ad vera amoris Fapstronaut

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    I can hear how much you are struggling. Not easy.

    Of all the comments, sounds like the WMO may be one key. Treat same as PMO?

    Also, sounds like you need to put effort into dating real prospects, to redirect the energy.

    You also may need to try to keep your distance. Be nice, but try.

    Someday, not sure, but you can try to have a professional conversation to state the attraction is a factor, but you want to stay professional.

    If you get signals, you shouldn't pursue an affair. Would be a disaster.

    And try all methods to not MO in bathroom.

    I have dealt with workplace attraction. It is very difficult.

    You can succeed in overcoming, just like PMO.
     
  16. To be honest, this sounds like a very unhealthy obsession that will not end well for you at the rate you're going. The forbidden fruit always looks more tasty. We're all probably guilty of lusting after someone that we probably shouldn't from time to time. Your best option is to seek out someone who is available. In the meantime, don't allow this woman to manipulate you.
     
  17. Nick 1989

    Nick 1989 Fapstronaut

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    You're right. I'm not good at resisting temptation at all, but it's not my nature to be friendly and flirty even with single women, so I know I wouldn't initiate anything with this married woman my desirable colleague, but it just sucks. I'm not trying to seduce her in any way. Naturally, I would like to sleep with her. But I understand the potential consequences of this action.
     
  18. So if you aren't trying to seduce her and you understand the consequences, then there's no reason to entertain the idea. Besides, even if she is the cheating type, it is most likely that someone else will beat you to it since you admittedly aren't the flirty type. I think you know what you need to do at this point.
     
  19. Nick 1989

    Nick 1989 Fapstronaut

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    Before i knew nofap, i wouldn't have this problem and i didn't even cared about getting laid. I am single. I'm shy and not outgoing, and i don't have anyone else in my life to spend time with at the moment. In the end the biggest problem is that i feel like i'm alone in this situation with this woman my desirable colleague. I know it's stupid to rely on someone, but i get the idea that it's tons easier if you are not single like me. I have lost my ex girlfriend (4 year relationship from February 2012 until March 2016) because of porn addiction and masturbation addiction. I would find myself masturbating to porn in the bathroom and then telling my girlfriend I was "too busy" to have sex! This made her feel unattractive and made me feel like a total exhibitionist, porn addicted loser.
     
    Last edited: Dec 12, 2018
  20. Nick 1989

    Nick 1989 Fapstronaut

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    But i am so sexually attracted to her. I just want to have sex with her I know it’s wrong. My mind hasn't been able to think straight in months. Is there a possibility that she likes me? This is bothering me because I just can't stop thinking about her sexually. I am going through hell at the moment. Now I'm worried that this makes me a creep.
     

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