My relapse story. I am too sexually attracted to new colleague.

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Nick 1989, Dec 11, 2018.

  1. I think this happens to a lot of people all the time. You are attracted to someone, even if it is just on the physical level.

    Now you realise that making advances on her is not only a bad idea, it is also unlikely to work because she is married. You also know that even if you were successful you couldn't have any resemblance of relationship with her because you don't like her as a person. In short, if you do something it would be a disaster either way.

    You are going nuts about this because you see her every day.

    I think you should try your best to find a partner right now so you have an easier time forgetting about her.
    You could also think about how pointless any advance is every time you look at her.

    Hopefully doing both of these things will make you forget about her so you don't have to take option 3 and leave your job.
  2. I'm so sexually attracted to a young lady at my gym that is probably half my age and I manage just fine knowing that it's just lust and it will never happen. Is there a possibility that your colleague likes you? How the hell would I know, and what would you do if you found out that she was? Sorry to here that things didn't work out with your girlfriend. If you want to improve your life and have another chance at a meaningful relationship, you're going to need to change your mindset because it seems like you're still thinking with your porn brain.
  3. Okay, I have a suggestion that you may want to try ...

    The physical attraction, as we know, is very stupid. Our minds is seriously dumb and doesn't really know what is good or what is bad, if something looks attractive it thinks its good for us when in our own experience we know looks are only skin deep.

    So to correct this false superficial view we can refer to some teachings of the Buddha which is to investigate the body fully.

    In some of the discourses by buddha he gets his students to really contemplate and investigate different parts of the body such as the poop, the sweat, the liver, the gut, the pus, the shit, the hair, the nails, the organs, the eyeballs, the skeleton, and everything under the skin.

    If you really look at this women with full awareness that she also takes a dump, she burps, she has nasty gross stuff coming off her skin, she doest look very good if she is sick, tired, angry, you can start to imagine her and take her skin off and see the whole body as it is - without the makeup, without the fake smell, and just see her for what it is - piece of meat and flesh and bones.

    Of course we know that she is not really that - she is a conscious being like you - but for the purpose of fixing the problem of over-infatuation with the physical body we can really investigate the body in this way.

    What is also super helpful is for you to google/ youtube body decomposition process - Look at the body of a rabbit or a pig after it dies and how it decomposes and it turns into warm-filled nasty rotten and dissolves,

    This is what each of our bodies will go through - and by seeing this actually and contemplating this we can actually start to regain our sanity.

    That is not to say we need to disregard our body and not look good - we can still look great and love our body because its a beautiful machine but we have to realize it is temporarily and all those imaginary projections only cause us suffering.

    This is the wisdom that many saints and sages have, this is why many (not all) are not attracted to beautiful women because they are aware of another type of joy which is everlasting and is not subject to passing appearances.

    The average person is so taken over by the illusion of happiness in form of images and seeing beautiful physical features and is like a helpless calf going directly into the slaughterhouse.

    Let's become wiser. Let's use the ancient teachings that Buddha and other great ones have brought to us, that this life is transitory. That our life is passing by and there are some actions that if we focus on give us lasting joy and peace, and some actions only leave us craving for more and leave us hung over.

    I'm not really talking at you btw - i'm just like you learning how to become more liberated from the delusion of beauty and not seeking false forms of happiness which only wastes time and keep us stuck in a painful cycle of chasing pleasure and becoming frustrated.
    ras-tanura and Deleted Account like this.
  4. Nick 1989

    Nick 1989 Fapstronaut

    Every time we(me and this woman my desirable colleague) touch, whether it just be a brush of the shoulder, or our hands touching slightly whenever we pass something to one another, it is incredibly electrifying. Should I tell her that I'm physically attracted to her?
  5. from what you have told us, it seems like a disastrous idea. You don't even like her, which makes what you consider doing even immoral in my eyes.

    I think it is better to keep the erotic out of the workplace anyway.
  6. Atlanticus

    Atlanticus Moderator Assistant
    NoFap Defender

  7. Nick 1989

    Nick 1989 Fapstronaut

    I am not in love with this woman my desirable colleague nor do i want a long-term affair, all I think about when i see her is having sex with her. I masturbate just thinking about her. I experience vivid erotic dreams that involve her. I know I shouldn’t even be looking at her, yet alone imagining what she might be like in bed. I want sexual relation with her. I just want to make love with her.

    I'm currently in attempt to start NoFap again since that big relapse over three months ago, and I've failed after one day. I just can't seem to manage a decent run anymore. It just makes me feel more miserable about it, because now I really understand the consequences and the benefits and I'm finding it harder than ever. I know the power Nofap has and the benefits it holds.
  8. Nick 1989

    Nick 1989 Fapstronaut

    Is it normal to be so jealous of this ginger midget old lesbian colleague? And i don't understand why I just feel so jealous over their "relationship".She has to have her hands on my desirable colleague. It's just the obsessive touching her and rubbing her. Like she can't keep away from this woman my desirable colleague. It's difficult to explain what I am jealous about.

    If anyone has felt like this, experience this or can understand what I'm going on about give me some advice on how to deal with this. Is this normal or am I totally pathetic? Again, I’m pathetic and worthless. I can’t even think for myself. How sad.
  9. hey bro - you are identified with your thoughts. Your thoughts is not you. If you keep identifying with your thoughts it can eventually kill you. IF you have suffered enough, maybe time to wake up from unconscious living.

    Take a deep breath. Let go of all thoughts for 3-5 seconds. Wait for the next thought that crosses your mind. notice you are NOT it. because you are aware of it. So instead of identifying with those annoying painful thoughts, start labelling them.

    If you notice yourself getting jealous, just label "mind is jealousy" and move on... don't identify with it.

    You can also practice praying for both of them to be happy. and pray for yourself to wake up from identification from your mind.
    Deleted Account likes this.
  10. Very intriguing ideas. if I my thoughts are not me, what am I then? It sounds like I am also not my mind, if I can address it in the third person.
  11. GOOD question - the genuine inquiry into that question is going to liberate you from all your suffering.

    Get the book Power of now by Eckhart Tolle and New Earth and start reading it and become conscious, you will know what i mean by this word once you genuinely read and practice the teachings.
  12. Nick 1989

    Nick 1989 Fapstronaut

    I don't know whats wrong with me anymore.

    Whenever i talk to this woman my desirable colleague, all i think about is having sex with her. No strings attatched, no emotions etc just good rough sex. This is getting irresistible, literally want to rip off her clothes and do her in different places.
    I just want to have sex with her I know it's wrong but do you have any tips so that I can let this woman my desirable colleague know that I want to fuck her. How would you communicate this to a woman without sounding like a sex-pig? What moment would you pick? How would you say it?
  13. At this point please be advised that this is the entirely wrong forum for this.

    This forum is not about seduction advice, it is about healing people from porn addiction. Please respect that.
    You have already had me triggered with your hot story, please refrain from asking for such advice or going into explicit details.

    I mean, the beginning of it was fine, you had every right and reason to start this topic, but please accept that this forum is for healing purposes.
    Buddhabro and Nick 1989 like this.
  14. You dont have to say it, women always know it. If you think she likes you just do the action she is waiting for - try to find yourself near her and then chit chat, find common thing and ask for drink after work(Look in the window and say 'Perfect weather for a drink' and do sigh and look at her smiling. She will respond in smile/acceptance etc, then you will know if she wants it and u attack.
  15. Nick 1989

    Nick 1989 Fapstronaut

    Deleted Account likes this.
  16. Nick 1989

    Nick 1989 Fapstronaut

    I apologize to you. I would like to say that I am truly ashamed of myself. I hope I haven't caused you any problems. I am going through a very difficult time in my personal life right now because of this woman my desirable colleague.
    Deleted Account likes this.
  17. TIMMY0110

    TIMMY0110 Fapstronaut

    Hello Nick,

    Trust me dude..I know exactly how you are feeling and I too struggled for months. This was 2 years ago. I was also shy back then. Had I met her on the present day I would have definitely made my moves on her at the very beginning.

    I have approached many women who were married or had boyfriends. Most of them declined my request. However, many of them thanked me for the compliments. They admitted that they felt good to be desired by someone eventhough they would like to remain well within their marriage.

    Morally, I would not tell you if you should approach her or not. It is upto you.

    I dont think she will file harassment complain if you just tell her "You are very pretty and I am attracted to you " and then proceed further based on her reaction. If you think its worth the shot, then go for it.

    Porn addiction has made us all creeps. Dont worry, we will improve ourselves. I started nofap october 2017...eventhough my journey had several failures, I have improved a lot.

    Please watch the video given below: I know that the video is long and boring. However, this will be definitely helpful.

    I will be taking a long break from the Happy New year to you in advance. Hoping that 2019 will be a wonderful year for you.

    Take care.

    Nick 1989 likes this.
  18. Infrasapiens

    Infrasapiens Fapstronaut

    Greetings. First of all, I find a bit sad how anyone can witness you slowly giving up to a demented lust through this thread. I can comprehend that you feel tempted by her, but like you said, she is not a nice person and more important, she is married. You M thinking about her shows how much control she has over you and probably the root of this is your pornography addiction. To answer your question about how to tell her that you want to have sex with her, don't do it, arrogant people use this kind of things to make others feel miserable to feel superior themselves. Even if you manage to hae sex with her, it will not be worth it, not only it can give you consequences at work, but it will make you feel terrible about yourself. Also, I find amusing how you call her "my desirable colleague" everytime.
  19. bibi666

    bibi666 Fapstronaut

    If you feel it so bad, one advice :
    After work, just say to her that you want to have sex with her, without insult, without be rude, with respect. And you will see.
    If she is interested, she will notice it to you. If she rejects you, your addiction to her will stop. In both cases you win.
    Last edited: Dec 25, 2018

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