My Relapse Story (Warning)

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Ruses, May 8, 2019.

  1. Ruses

    Ruses Fapstronaut

    74
    107
    33
    It feels as if I've made Hundreds of these posts but now, I'm sure this is my last one. My last 2 posts where about being addicted to shemales and and the guilt and shame of sending nudes. Well todays post is about both. I got up today at 9:30 and everything was going good. I don't know what got into me but i just decided to go Masturbate to trans porn. So thats what i did for about 3 hours, Edging and all. But in my binge i did something not so good. I went onto a shemale subreddit and found a trans who was accepting PM. We talked for a bit and a little later i sent her a Dick Pic. I know it was very stupid of me, i deleted it a minute after and blocked her. Didn't post a face pick so my identity wouldn't be know. So no harm really done in that sense but seeing as how i said yesterday i wasn't going to send a nude ever again. well looks like i failed. A couple mins go by and then i blow my load after edging for 3 hours and it gets all over me. My pants, underwear, shirt even my face. i was full of disgust and right there and then i deleted all the porn i had on my tablet and vowed to delete every last bit of porn i had. I soon after took a shower and now here i am. Many of you guys have gave me advice on things to do when i get urges but I've never used your advice. But From now on I'm going to start doing it. Exercising, Meditating, adding porn blockers to all my devices. After almost a year I'm finally fed up with Porn and want it all gone. I will never post a relapse story again because i will not relapse again. Thats it I'm done. I will tell myself that i am a good person i just make stupid decisions. Oh well thats life i guess. I encourage you guys to seriously take the advice of others on here if will help you very much. As for me my journey starts Here.
     
    Kaizzer, Ogikubo and Deleted Account like this.
  2. So you edged for hours, or the way I put it - you got high for hours, being high means flood of dopamine which suppressed your executive functions and willpower, then after you "blow your load" dopamine level drops very sharply and you gain full executive function and holy **** you realize what you have been doing. Now you try to overcompensate and "really" commit while you actually have working, functional brain.
    The reason I tell you this is because in few days, you will wake up in the morning and for some reason decide to masturbate to porn, or the way I put it - get high, which will suppress your executive function and willpower....

    You need to understand how addictive behaviors work, they are called addictive because they are very difficult to stop. If you committed to stopping and then relapsed, you are doing something wrong, new approach is needed - you should say to yourself - i do not really understand what i am dealing with here and I need to understand what I am doing wrong.

    Patterns are always the same -
    Abuse (high)
    Depression (low)
    Wanting to stop, committing to stop
    Depression (low mood)
    Attempts to remedy mood and spiral back in to Abuse

    Abuse (high)
    Depression (low) + regret
    Wanting to stop, committing to stop
    Depression (low mood)
    Attempts to remedy mood and spiral back in to Abuse

    Abuse (high)
    Depression (low) + regret
    Wanting to stop, committing to stop
    Depression (low mood)
    Attempts to remedy mood and spiral back in to Abuse
     
    Ruses likes this.
  3. Ruses

    Ruses Fapstronaut

    74
    107
    33
    What do you suppose i do to get out of the pattern?
     
    FX-05 likes this.
  4. ColeT

    ColeT New Fapstronaut

    1
    1
    3
    quitting is hard but worth it, I'm not excusing PMO behavior but if you manage to go on a long streak and slip up it's far better to just get it over with quickly rather than edge for 3 hours it's far more damaging.
     
    Ruses likes this.
  5. oneotwo

    oneotwo Fapstronaut

    98
    74
    18
    Yesterday i got some desgire to watck p i know my self where it is start(im now at 12 day hardmood)
    Anyway when i got this feeling i keep away the phone from my bed, and try to foucos othere things like watch tv i think i pray also. , i told my self it just a horny attack and it will past next morning.
    Just be aware to yourself when the desire to watch p is start. I know its hard but we must fight it its no easy, because when you finnish the orgasm you say to yourself "im done with this sh##t", but after time its will be back the test is what happen next day, or after week?
    Another thing i want to add, that when you feel strong remind yourself alwayse how this behavior is bad and effect also other people try to read post in this site just be mire aware to the bad effect.
     
    Ruses likes this.
  6. Understand that you are dealing with very complex behavior and stopping it needs complex multifaceted approach.
    Dropping an addiction is more like writing a book, its a massive effort that will affect many aspects of your life. Its the changes in your life that allow you to overcome the addiction.
    Addiction is when you can not stop, it makes no sense to try to just stop, because remember - you cant.
    So your goal is not to stop but rather get yourself in to a position where you can.

    Stopping an addiction is very difficult, so why do people expect that they can just stop it like they could stop eating bananas?
    Its a massive effort, a journey, to figure out how to get yourself to a position when you can stop.
     
    Ruses likes this.
  7. Ruses

    Ruses Fapstronaut

    74
    107
    33
    You were right I relapsed again today :( I’m going to have to take nofap step by step now instead of trying to get rid of it entirely
     
  8. Please understand that your ability to stop the behavior relies on your health, if you recover your health you will be able exercise allot more control.

    Addictive behaviors are not unnecessary additions to your life, something you want to get rid of. No they are part of your life and play a role in keeping you at your current health.
    Even if you could stop, you will likely just end up depressed anyways, and your carving for a high is just an attempt to remedy that.
    Start by fixing your health then dealing with addiction will become possible
     
    Ruses likes this.
  9. Ruses

    Ruses Fapstronaut

    74
    107
    33
    I don't really understand what you mean by "fixing my health"
     
  10. Standard American diet results in poor health, vast majority of people are in poor health, you should read a book called "The Plant Paradox" winch explain is detail mechanisms of how exactly that happens. It is one book of many on the topic so feel free to explore other literature as well.
     
    Ruses likes this.
  11. The way I am

    The way I am Fapstronaut

    77
    56
    18
    Don't give yourself such promises tıll you really find a strong strategy. I mean, you can fall back hundreds of times on this tries and relapsing is such a thing that gives you a new perspective through this way. just keep trying til you hıt the spot..
     

Share This Page