Pfff.. even putting these first letters on this page seem useless. Nevertheless i'm going to tell my story from begin to end. Not that i see any use of it. Not that i write it for you guys or for myself. Not to feel sorry for myself or seek attention. I don't have answers. Mostly questions. Im a regular guy. Just like you. I dont vote extremely left or right. Im well educated. Im a teacher for godsake. But somehow i dont have grip on my own life. I was raised in a big warm family. 2 brothers and 2 sisters. I still have a great relationship with them all. My parents still support me. Even now im 26, i have a steady relationship with a amazing girl and a job you can come home with. When im 13 i first looked at adult material. And it grew. I ones got caught by my dad and he said: "dont do it". Not angry, just concerned. I knew every dude around me looks on the i-net for "stuff". I really got into it when i was 18. For 6 years it was a huge drive for me, assuming that most guys did it also. And then i had to mature. Start being responsible, make difficult choices. Everytime something hard happened i didnt react, i just said, it was cool and put my frustrations on the thing we all have problems with: PMO. Right know im 26, still fighting. Sometimes i have 2 good days. But that is tops. It always starts the same. Im alone, i didnt do it it for a few hours or days. I deserved it. I give into it and the rest of the day is a blur. When im finished after 4-6 hours i start eating all nasty shit i kind find, drink or order. After that sessions of tv, gaming or youtube. When my girl is done working im done with my "session". I wake up. I feel shame, guilt, hate myseld. not again. My gf wants to help. But i dont now how. The blur in my head controls me. Bottom line, i dont want anymore. Reality check: its not that simple. From one addiction to another. I even started drinking during. Guess what i liked it. Try some tricks you may say, go to a doctor, find help! I did all that. The last 6 years is me fighting against these bad habits which destroy me from the inside. Thats how feel. The sad thing is that in 2 days, i will be here again. Did the same stupid stuff, feel the same regret, be blurry and foggy in my head. Sometimes, even i lose hope. P.s. i dont normally express feelings that much. Just ventilating my thoughts. Thx.