Whenever i'm on a good streak i always get those messed up thoughts especially during a flatline. I have OCD, but it seems to be totally concentrated on having sexual thoughts that i don't like, but forced to think about everyday, it really makes me feel like shit, borderline suicidal even. Like sometimes i think about cuckoldry for example and my brain tries to convince me that i'm okay with it, even though i'm totally against this shit and i've never even watched a single porn video about it and it doesn't make me aroused at all, just disgusted and disappointed for even thinking about it. Same with bestiality, femdom, sissy, incest, etc, anything that is disgusting and unnatural my brain tries to convince me otherwise and make me feel like i'm some sort of a sick degenerate. I'm seriously tired of wasting my time trying to end brainstorming about shit that i don't even like and it totally goes against my morals and nature, but my piece of shit brain won't just let me take a rest and it tries it's hardest to make my life shittier and making me feel like a piece of crap everyday. Will it get better ? Or will i be stuck in this misery for a long time ? I'm seriously contemplating not ever getting into a relationship since i see myself as a sick person and unworthy of love. Some days it gets so bad that i think of death or just ending my whole life. I just need some help.