My situation - apologies if this turns into a long post

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by anewhope, Jun 23, 2017.

  1. McCalm

    McCalm Fapstronaut

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    Congratulations, such a massive achievement to the half way point! I hope your relationship continues to progress in the right direction. I have similar issues in my relationship, something which I have been putting off dealing with up to now. Interesting to read your experiences here about potential remedies.
     
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  2. anewhope

    anewhope Fapstronaut

    Yesterday morning, I happened to be near my wife's bedroom when she woke, late morning, to go the bathroom. I sneaked into her room so that when she went back to bed she found me in it. We had a lovely, non-sexual, naked cuddle and chat.:)

    Then last night my wife woke me and we made love. It was wonderful! (No triggering details,:emoji_tongue::emoji_smiley_cat: , that's all you need to know).

    So here I am, more than half way to my target 90 days and no relapses. My wife knows about my past addiction and my NoFap journey, so I no longer bear the burden of secrecy. We now understand each other's love languages and that should help us to further strengthen our relationship. And we are having regular life-affirming sex.

    I am sure there will be challenging days ahead but I am equally sure that I can deal with those too; for now I am just enjoying the good times.

    And with all the time I have saved by quitting PMO, I have made great progress on the novel I've been writing (now at 80,000 words and on schedule to complete the first full draft at the end of the month).

    Thank you, once again my friends, for your help, encouragement and support.

    ANH
     
  3. SOSo

    SOSo Fapstronaut

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    This is such a relieving post. I am so happy for your reconnecting with your SO. You inspire me .

    Ha! With my SO I've been feeling guilty about resetting his reboot calendar because I jump him. Haven't felt this attracted to him since the beginning, and the physical contact is even better now!

    He told me so many secrets and told me nitty gritty, awful details that hurt. For some reason it was just such a relief to hear the truth and I feel like a teenager again. Glad to see some recognition of physical intimacy in reboot. I'm not sure what's right to do or not.
     
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  4. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    Popping in, with a suggestion!
    With our busy schedules... Me and my SO do a weekly Cuddle Night, instead of daily (leaving every other day open for sex and we don't have sex on Cuddle Night) Cuddle Night is for rewiring the brain to reset the serotonin to happy and connect with each other and the two shouldnt get confused or something.
    He read it somewhere else.
    We are doing Cuddle Nights for a year.
    This is important for rebooting his brain also because it rebuilds his brain to not always expect release from touching me.
    It's bonding.
    So IMO, Cuddles, everyday, might confuse you, at this time.
    You might need to try separate the two.
    Then, you also get to look forward to Cuddle Night.
    It's a scheduled thing.
    Well, at least it is for us.
    Whether we are fighting or whatever... It's on the calendar, we do it.
    It really centers us and reminds him I love him (he says)
    Helps him not crave the company of the computer.
    It's good. It's a good thing to do.
    So that's what I have for the hope suggestion box!
    :)
     
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  5. SOSo

    SOSo Fapstronaut

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    That is fantastically useful advice. Thank you! We're working on it :).
     
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  6. anewhope

    anewhope Fapstronaut

    Today's entry is not as exciting as yesterday's but perhaps just as significant in its own way.

    My wife and I just had the kind of day that married couples in their fifties have, filled with tidying, shopping, cooking, making an appointment at the dentist, taking elderly parents to lunch and sorting out how we are going to celebrate our daughter's 14th birthday next week. At the end of the day, we watched a RomCom after our daughter had taken herself to bed. Then we kissed and I went to bed. No expectations of sex on either side, just a day of little affectionate gestures and getting on with life together. It is easy to focus on sex on this site (for obvious reasons) and there are days when it seems overwhelmingly important, but there are other days when it gets back in its box and allows you to get on with the rest of life.

    ANH
     
    Last edited: Aug 8, 2017
  7. anewhope

    anewhope Fapstronaut

    Just been given a little reminder not to get complacent. Found myself watching P-sub on YouTube for about 60 seconds and getting aroused. Quickly clicked away. But good to remember that the monster is still lurking in the bushes and I need to be on my guard.
    Just about to go and get some shopping done. A good chance to practise my @Jolie -inspired 'no ogling'.

    Onward and upward.
    ANH
     
  8. anewhope

    anewhope Fapstronaut

    Just a quick update today. My daughter has a friend coming to stay. This means that my bedroom becomes the guest room and I move back in with my wife for 2 nights.
    As usual, I went to bed before my wife. I woke up when she came to bed. She wasn't feeling well so didn't want to cuddle, but even so, she reached out and we held hands. It might seem trivial, but given our history and her preference that we sleep separately, it was a very welcome gesture.

    A busy day ahead today - we are hosting c. 8 children for the afternoon with some of their mothers. Plenty of opportunity for me to demonstrate my love with 'acts of service'

    ANH
     
  9. brett alphonso

    brett alphonso Fapstronaut

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    My girlfriend knows about my addictiom and my struggle to quit
    , she supports me too in my battle. I want to focus on her and our future together and settling down in life. I love her a lot and dont wanna be a disappointment to her when we get intimate with each other..well we are yet to have sex for the first time (well atleast my first time) but thats ok with us..we can wait for the right moment to do it. So here i am kicking my bad habit out of my life for good. Wish me luck.
     
  10. Good luck to you! Great you recognized the problem and are openly doing something about it. Good for you :)
     
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  11. brett alphonso

    brett alphonso Fapstronaut

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    Thanks buddy☺
     
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  12. anewhope

    anewhope Fapstronaut

    Our second of two nights of sleeping in the same bed while we have a guest in the house.

    When my wife came to bed we had a brief cuddle and then at her suggestion spooned with her behind me. This is a good position for us because it allowed her to give me the closeness and touch I crave while at the same time gently giving me the unspoken message that she didn't feel like making love at the time (because it points my penis away from her, not towards her).

    Fell asleep contented.

    Seven weeks completed today. Feels like great progress but I have to remember that I have probably been M'ing for 47 years and M free for 49 days. I have a lot of ingrained behaviour to unlearn. I can still replay images from well-watched P videos in my head at any time, so even locked in an empty room I could not escape the temptation. I get urges every day that I would previously have responded to by PMO.

    So this journey is not like a car journey on cruise control where the day counter just clicks up while you relax and enjoy the ride. It is more like running a marathon. While there are some stretches where you are in a good rhythm and pain free, there are some where progress is a struggle that has to be won one painful stride at a time.

    ANH
     
  13. brett alphonso

    brett alphonso Fapstronaut

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    Dont you worry brother. You're doing great. Stay strong and everything will be alright my friend. ☺
     
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  14. anewhope

    anewhope Fapstronaut

    Back in my own bed last night.:(

    But relationship with wife is good. We had a good day making progress in sorting out some domestic projects. I cooked her one of my speciality meals and it turned out really well. If she is happy in herself and free from stress, then sooner or later she will want to express that in making love.

    It is 5 days since we last made love (and hence since my last O). It is usually at this point that my urges get worse. I suspect this is entirely psychological rather than physical. (Starting to anticipate the next time). I will try to keep my mind elsewhere to keep things under control.

    I honestly don't feel there is much risk of my relapsing and PMO - the greater risk is that I will start pressuring my wife for sex which is unfair on her and unhealthy for our relationship.

    ANH

    (50 days - :cool:)
     
  15. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    Knowing and changing your patterns.
    It's helpful as you progress.
     
  16. anewhope

    anewhope Fapstronaut

    Thanks Jolie

    ANH
     
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  17. anewhope

    anewhope Fapstronaut

    Home alone this afternoon as wife and daughter are out meeting friends for coffee. Have taken advantage of time home alone to order my wife some lingerie :emoji_bikini:and a 'toy' of a type I know she will like. Boy - browsing that site was a test for my will-power:emoji_flushed:

    Must go and do household chores. Nothing like ironing a duvet cover for cooling the ardour!

    ANH
     
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  18. OMG, if my BF went browsing THAT kind of site, even if he bought me the whole site, I would flip! Are you absolutely sure this is not just another way to get some p-subs? Seriously, I would flip... :(
     
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  19. Hopefulgirl

    Hopefulgirl Fapstronaut

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    Testosterone peaks 5-7 days after the last O, so it makes sense that you are having urges around that time!
     
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  20. anewhope

    anewhope Fapstronaut

    A totally fair question. But yes I am sure. We always use the same site when we buy clothes/toys etc. I went only to that one site, found and bought the items I was looking for and logged straight out again. My conscience is clear!

    The ironing therapy worked well by the way - took my mind off things nicely. My wife came back to find the 2 sheets, 4 pillowcases and 1 duvet cover from her bed all crisply ironed and was very grateful (She hates ironing bedclothes as much as I do!)

    ANH
     
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