My solution and cure to Premature Ejaculation

Discussion in 'Porn-Induced Sexual Dysfunctions' started by Daxos, Feb 12, 2022.

Are you fully relaxed when you have sex?

  1. Yes

    7 vote(s)
  2. No

    13 vote(s)
  1. Daxos

    Daxos Fapstronaut

    Hello brothers,

    I've been absent for quite a while already, but I had some guys ask me about PE a while back and I wanted to make a post about it. Just as there is a lot of bad advice and information on VL, PD, PIED and just about everything in mainstream and even sometimes this forum, I wanted to share my revelations on this subject as it seems only a few really can pin point what the real deal is. It really bothers me to see our brothers trying out bad advice and tips on dealing with issues like PE to see not results and get even more frustrated about it. So here is my take on it. I am almost 100% certain I know this is the real solution to PE (Premature Ejaculation). Let me explain why. And don't worry, I have real experience and tested it out to almost perfection.

    It will take a while before I get to my point, but that is because you need to understand what is happening on a deep level. You have to. PE is not as simple as just doing no PMO to cure PIED for example. This is much more complex and needs you to understand your body.

    What you need to know beforehand
    1. Ejaculation is an activity that taps very deep into your nervous system. Few other activities and processes in the body deal so heavily with your nervous system. It truly is an overload of your nervous system in a way, just as tickling is. It provokes an extremely strong response and it relies heavily on a proper functioning of your nervous system.

    Why you needed to hear this
    Because PE is not something that is caused by singular or simple things like porn-induced problems. An even more example is your broken due to the singular and simple cause of falling of your bike in a weird angle and thus acutely breaking your bone. PE, on the other hand, is a symptom of a state of being. Remember that the nervous system is extremely important here. Trouble with PE almost always means trouble with your nervous system. But don't worry, I'm not saying there is something wrong with your nervous system. In fact, the chance that you have PE due to genetics or nervous system issues is extremely small. Extremely small.

    Instead, what I mean to say is that at certain moments or periods, or even for a prolonged time, your nervous system is dysfunctional and/or disturbed. Your regulation of your nervous system is not optimal and your responses to it might not be healthy. And all of this is done by your own doing. Consciously and (mostly) subconsciously. Let me explain

    Your nervous system is the most dynamic thing in your body
    You are what you think. You are what you feel. You are what you sense and you are what you imagine. We've all heard these - sometimes cringeworthy - quotes before. But they are absolutely right and true. Your nervous system is extremely dynamic and is extremely reactive. The influence you and the outside world have on it is extraordinary. Anything can trigger powerful responses from your nervous system. See a car coming at you at high speed, you feel tension rise and adrenaline spike. See someone you really like, you get ecstatic and excited. There are many more examples to note here. The significance of what I am trying to say is that anything and everything activates and provokes a response from your nervous system. Sometimes in your control, sometimes out of your control. So why does that matter?

    Your evaluation and labeling of events and thoughts form your nervous system's response on everything
    The fact that you feel tension and the rush of adrenaline when getting in danger is a response that is very logical and true for almost everyone. But let's take an example that is more dependent on the individual and his or her beliefs and thoughts. Say that you have an exam tomorrow. You really need to pass the exam and if you don't, you might not get permitted at another course. The thought of not making it gives you stress, tension and an uncomfortable feeling. Now let's say your friend has the same pressure and situation, but he really doesn't care. He thinks everything will just fall in it's place and life will happen as it was meant to be. He is at rest and lives a comfortable life up to the exam. Why does this matter?

    Because you are the programmer of your nervous system's response
    Your friend, in the previous example, was not feeling the stress that we did. But he too really needs to pass the exam if he wants to follow that certain course. So why did he not feel the same stress as we did? Because his thoughts told his nervous system to calm down and not see it as a threat. Our friend programmed his nervous system to stay calm and to just take it as it is. This is an immense power and ability that we humans have. We are the master programmer of our nervous system. Ever heard of the self-fulfilling prophecy? It is a prediction about the future that you consciously think about that eventually becomes real. Like you worrying about being nervous during the exam, and it then actually happening. Why is that? Because your thoughts and feelings were manifesting your future. You were programming your nervous system to see the exam as a stressful thing. Your nervous system was just doing what you told it to do and respond to. So how do you influence all of this?

    Reprogram your nervous system
    Same example. This time, we are going to reprogram our nervous system to respond a little bit healthier to the stressful exam. You can start thinking about how well you prepared yourself. You can think about that you will be fine no matter what happens. You can think a lot of positive things, and they will reprogram your nervous system to respond to it in a fitting way. Please note that this is extremely difficult. You basically have to tell yourself that you are not stressing about it, when it - right now - seems like it is all you can do about it. But guess what, you might think this is just how you are, but that is nonsense. Once in your life you started thinking negatively to certain events and thinking those things over and over again and also in different contexts and situations, and thus you were rooting a powerful response to events from your nervous system. You programmed your own nervous system to respond badly to certain events.

    So how do you undo this? Reprogram your nervous system. Start telling some more constructive and positive things to your mind and your nervous system will follow like a loyal servant. Ever found yourself believing in a lie you told yourself because you've told it so many times? Well, that is almost the same concept. If you keep telling yourself you are a failure, then you will eventually believe it in such a deep way, that it takes a lot of time and effort to correct that way of thinking. Your brain reallllyyyy loves predictability and really hates change. That is why they way you think makes you who you are.

    So when you start telling yourself over and over again that an exam is not to be feared and that it is pointless to worry about it and to just let life happen as it does, your nervous system will follow you. This is a process that takes time and effort, but it does work. No one is born paranoid. It takes years of bad people and bad events to make you believe that everyone is out to get you. Ever seen a child paranoid? Exactly. So believing you don't have to be stressed during an exam will also take time to manifest in your system.

    That was the long-term solution. But there is also a solution that works sometimes instantly or at least on a much shorter notice

    The sympathetic and parasympathetic states of your nervous system:

    Your nervous system operates in either the sympathetic or parasympathetic state. The sympathetic system is the one which is responsible for the flight and fight response and the activation of your system. The parasympathetic system is responsible for dialing own your system, digest food, let your body rest and just calm everything down. You can not go to sleep if you are in a sympathetic state for example. And you also can not perform at all if you are in a parasympathetic state. Why does this matter?

    Because being in a sympathetic state is bad for lasting long in bed. There is the theory that early humans sometimes had to ejaculate quickly because danger might have been around the corner at any time. You see, what the sympathetic system does is it almost amplifies your signaling in your nervous system. And this is exactly what happens when you are getting really excited and then ejaculate. The sympathetic system makes your heart rate increase, tightens your bloodvessels (vasoconstriction), secretes hormones and other compositions that make your ready to get up and fight or flee. You then pass a certain threshold of signaling that then set the chains in motion of the ejaculation. Look at it this way. You need 10 points to ejaculate. If you are in a sympathetic state, you are already at 7 points and just need 3 more to pass the threshold to ejaculate. But if you are in a parasympathetic state, you might only be at 3 points. If you can also keep yourself calm and focus on your peace, then you will not even come close to the 10 points required to get to the signaling required for ejaculation. Ever heard of Delayed Ejaculation (DE)? DE happens because you are so desensitized to real sex due to heavy porn use that you have so much trouble to build up the signaling to get to these '10 points'. These guys can't even get to 10 points in a sympathetic state due to extreme desensitization.

    The sympathetic state is almost literally telling you: 'ejaculate quickly, because we need to get the hell out of here!'. Now guess what system you activate when you are stressed, anxious, nervous or tensed? Exactly, the sympathetic system. That is the correlation with the previous text above. If you can not calm your mind of anxiety, stress and nervousness, then you will always stay in a sympathetic state during sexy time and as I explained, that does not help with lasting longer.

    We now had an analogy and example on how our nervous system operates, forms and responds. Below, I will list very summarized in a list what this means in terms of PE and how to cure PE forever. The points with an * signal things that you ought to do during sexy time and are things you can do to calm your system down and to 'deactivate' your sympathetic system so you can lower your 'points':

    - Stop thinking about how long you can last
    - Stop thinking about how you have this 'condition'
    - Tell yourself you are ok with it
    - Just take it easy and calm down *
    - Let go of all expectations
    - Relax your pelvic floor *
    - Relax your abdomen *
    - Take long deep breaths *
    - Quiet your mind *
    - Focus on sensations and just experience without judging *
    - Let go of tension. Relax your muscles and tone your excitement a bit down *
    - Take everything slowly *
    - Do not work to a goal. Do not envision and end. Just experience the moment *
    - Don't have external things on your mind like work or any type of problem

    One last important thing to note is that for some guys, PE is the result of a dysfunctional pelvic floor. If you suspect this is the case, message me privately as that is another bookwork of information that is just too much to cover here.

    The next section will cover my personal experiences with all of this.

    What this all meant for me
    I became a regular porn user by about the age of 14. I consider myself to be addicted by the time I turned 18. I had my first sexual encounter when I was 18 and a half. I had sex for about 10 times or so before I found out I had a problem with my porn use when I was 20. From those 10 times or so of having sex up until starting NoFap, I only had PE once time. And it was not even that bad. After about 5 minutes or so, so that is not even PE in medical terms. Why do I say this? Because I strongly believe PMO-addiction has very little to do with PE. I was addicted to porn, but had no PE issues. Even when I started having PIED problems, I still had no PE problems.

    I did however, later, have some PE issues. I thought it all had to do with the reboot and my addiction, but I now know that is false. After 3 years I finally found out why I had PE on some occasions, and other times not at all. Because some times I could only last for 3 minutes, and other times for as long as I wanted.

    I found out about all I wrote above. I found out that when I felt 100% comfortable and relaxed, I could go on forever. When I was with a girl I fully trusted and really cared for, I had zero PE issues. On the other hand, whenever I was uncomfortable and/or not really feeling like it (doesn't matter what the cause is), I suddenly had PE issues.

    Now we know why.
    - I was anxious, stressed or tensed and that activated my sympathetic nervous system
    - I was worrying and clenching my muscles and tensing my muscles up, which also activate the sympathetic system and especially the pelvic floor (which is responsible for sexual functioning).
    - I was not in a state of peace, rest and comfort, which meant my body didn't want to waste time having sex, so it wanted it to be over as soon as possible.

    Calming down and feeling fully comfortable is by far the most important aspect to curing PE. You must be at peace. Sex is meant to be stress-free. Stress is never part of the equation during sex, so whenever you introduce stress during sex, the sex will stop with you ejaculating.

    I hope this helps. Message me for more information and help. Feel free to comment and let us all know how you think about all this.

    The best,

    Mpho017, angelobasta, Mr. R and 4 others like this.
  2. MarioCorrelos

    MarioCorrelos Fapstronaut

    I think this is really helpful. I suffer from PE and this is something I could more or less imagine, but you've put it into the perfect words to make it fully understandable.
    ConcertConctact and Daxos like this.
  3. Don't know how I missed this before, but this is an excellent post, Daxos! Really appreciate the work you put into writing this and it sounds very reasonable based on my experiences with PE.

    For me, PE developed as a result of my porn addiction because I would watch a lot of heavy fetish which formed a connection between sex and anxiety/nervousness. It's definitely improved, but I still have a lot of work to do before I think I'll be fully relaxed during sex again.

    I really liked your point about training yourself to stop thinking about PE and seeing things in a more confident light. I've never been much of a positive affirmations guy, but it sounds like it would be worth trying for this.
    Daxos likes this.
  4. Daxos

    Daxos Fapstronaut

    Good to hear you are actively working on yourself. You will make it, have faith. Remember that thoughts become actions and your actions become your future. Thoughts shape your world, literally.

    Regarding the affirmations. I don't really regard it as an affirmation. Affirmations are tricky as you couldn't for example think yourself into becoming an elephant. That is not possible. But the point is to rewire your brain's responses to certain stimuli and events. To truly overcome PE, you need to train your brain to stop overreacting when you are having sex or whatnot. PE is the result of an overload of stimulus and/or the lack of control of it. Keep us updated on your progress!
  5. Peiskos

    Peiskos Fapstronaut

    I've personally found that condoms coated with numbing gel on the inside can be a good help too. I was unaware that they existed but they sell them and it's helped me last longer when I tried them.
    AsItComes and Daxos like this.
  6. AsItComes

    AsItComes Fapstronaut

    Thank you for your post, PE is a much less discussed subject than PIED and you tend to feel kind of alone when you have it, so thank you for taking the time to make such a detailed and useful post.

    What I wanna know is, how would I know if I have a dysfunctional pelvic floor? I dont have a very powerful urine stream and I used to feel the need to pee quite often, but ever since I’ve been doing kegel exercises I’ve noticed a significant progress.

    Before I didn’t really have problems with PE, I would rather experience PIED (when I used to PMO) because sex with real women wasn’t as interesting as the screen (sadly).

    But after I started experiencing PE the first few times, I started to get more and more worried each time, I wanted to perform so bad so I would just get more and more frustrated.

    In conclusion I think that for me it’s more on the psychological side coupled with sligtly weak pelvic floor muscles, but I would appreciate if you could send me all the info you have on it so I can be sure. Thanks and have a great day