I felt inspired to share a little bit about my journey. (Semi long post) I started watching porn since i was 15 years old. Given my all or nothing personality, I was a heavy user you could say. I loved the process of searching and finding crazy shit. (and the shock and aw of finding crazy images online) Many often I would mix porn with ADHD drugs, to try to make the effects longer. Then in 2009 (11 yrs ago) I wanted to get better at sex, so I got the book "Taoist Secrets of Love" by Mantak Chia. Reading this book hit me like a ton of brick. There was a chapter at the start of it, which talked about the power of semen. I started to question, perhaps me feeling so depressed, mental issues, had something to do with my addiction to my porn habit? but how could I ever quiet watching porn? It literally seemed like a total fantasy to think I could EVER stop watching porn for even a week, let alone for life. I saw porn just like oxygen, or water, it was such a strong urge and need for me it that i really didn't believe to live without it was even worth it. So giving up porn wasn't an option on the table then for me, so I chose the next best option, semen retention. This is about the time I attended my first 10 day vipassana retreat - as thought by one of my great teachers S.N. Goenka G (Global non profit non organization) After my retreat I felt like a changed man, I felt a new measure of peace and harmony in life I almost wanted to give up my life and become a monk right then. For about a year or so after this I was watching porn but avoided ejaculation - so mostly edging and then I had a few different girl friends and tried to keep things mostly to normal sex and if i watched porn I would not release seeds. To give you a full transparent picture of how i was feeling then, I was in a constant state of craving for sex. Even if i would get laid, i would keep craving for the next time i see this girl, or if i would watch porn, i was constantly on the edge of coming and my mind was totally fixed on sex almost 24/7. Because I wasn't coming so sex was a major part of my life and day. Overal though the self controlled life resulted in a measure of success, i got my own apartment in vancouver, which looked really nice and had a successful local business and so on... Eventually I met a girl who became my gf, and she cheated on me, I went back to doing drugs, and I ended up selling every thing i had and going to live in Asia. in 2013 I returned to Canada to parents house broke but much wiser, because i had been chasing so many girls in Asia, it was crazy. I had so much sex there and to my surprise i felt absolutely like hell. Perhaps I felt the WORST in my life when I was sleeping around with the most number of girls, i was constantly anxious, nervous, even worst than when I was hooked on porn. So any one thinking to quit porn to go to escorts - i argue that it is better to stay on porn watching, because sleeping with different women creates serious mental and emotional complexities. *** In 2014 I went through the 12 step process as it was recommended to me by my teacher Dr. David R Hawkins who had been through it, and so i asked a friend who was in AA and he became my sponsor. Then for the first time experienced a miracle. The miracle was total freedom from that compulsive craving for pleasure which previously had lead me to years of drugs and sex. For the next 6months I experienced a new "high" in life. Free from ALL sexuality. and so confident with women, it was crazy. This was my very first taste in Hard Mode - no porn, no masterbation no orgsms. (This means actually no touching my self ever, no edging, no pictures, nothing what so ever.) It looked like I could get any women (not really but meaning lot of women were friendly to me) I found myself so free and joyful, I became extremely fit (abs) and focused on growing my online business. Now mind you i have always been fit most of my life, but this time i became ultra fit. ~~~ Then after about 6 months of hard mode, i attracted a super amazing soul - a girl who i really felt a deep connection with, who became my partner for 2.5 yrs. I ended up making lots of money, or at least the most i have ever made in life, I felt like I am never ever going to have money problems. I had enough to be able to live a year or more traveling and felt invincible. (Side Note: This is where I learned, when things go well for me i become totally hypnotized into becoming overly confident, They say pride comes before the fall is so true.... (...Also now I realize I am most under danger, when I am most successful, and things are going the best, because that is when I am most easily able to override my own souls calling and to listen to my ego, to seek selfish pleasures) We traveled and lived in Bali and so on... All my dreams were coming true ( until the dream turned into a mini night mare lol ) We started our relationship I was so into having sex with her i couldn't stop thinking about her for the first year. This was also during the time i was practicing Semen Retention techniques which enabled me to keep myself rejuvenated and not loosing so much semen on mindless sex. But then after moving in about a year or so, I felt that same lust feeling came back. (NOTE: The lustful feeling is that sense of lack and un-fulfillment i had felt all my life. When I was watching porn, when i was seeking drugs, or seeking girls, the craving for MORE, was the EXACT same craving which would always come back to me any time I would live life without self control and self restrain.) I would much rather to watch porn and to have sex with any one else but her. (cool-age effect) After this we broke up and I stopped having sex for a year as I pursued a deep spiritual calling to travel and find more meaning in life. During this time I hardly much sex once a year very few encounters which would feel empty and boring, I was still watching porn and masterbating though, and I was pretty much stuck in life in all levels, financially emotionally and mentally wen through some serious dark nights of the soul where I questioned if i should continue my life or pull the plug. In 2018 I made another serious attempt to go hard mode.I made it for only 30 days or 60 days (can't recall) but very soon went back to porn. Then again in 2018 for the second time (December) i did a reboot for about 90 days and noticed some improvement but I didn't have the paitience to keep goin and I resumed to sexing and living a careless life. I was feeling again over confident and I felt I can handle it. I started to smoke cigarettes once a while (for fun) even though i was super into healthy living. (justifications of the mind) Through sheer force and hard work I started to land more business deals and success, I even went to Sandiego couple of times and had 4 figure months in sales, but again, the fire went out. I felt unstable, i noticed a new pattern arise in me, I was so needy over my new girl who i would feel nerovous and anxious if she wasn't around. Then around September she and I seemed to be going deeper and deeper 'in love' so she invited me over to live with her as her mom was away for a week. I was so excited to have a full week of fuckfest, but I felt like if i am going to live with her, this will take our relationship to a new level, so I went to be more transparent about my current business challenges I was facing. After that conversion, she turned away and she revealed that she had lost all attraction to me because i wasn't who she was expecting to be. So this was the final nail in the coffin for me, the intense pain of another breakup, resulted in my business totally goin down even more, I lost my self in self pitty, lack of focus, depression, back to watching porn and so on... This is when I found myself in a new level of rock bottom. I'm sure others had it worst then me but here I was 35 yrs old. Living at parents house. I can't drive my car because its minus 30 outside and I don't have money to buy winter tire. My business just crashed and burned. I get booted out of the training I was a part of because i couldn't make the payments. I had $13 in bank account, and I am living in a house w/ 7 other family members and 3 small children, noise, sounds, emotional triggers and i had so many reasons to be depressed. This is when I was practicing silence days on Sundays, and i would take the whole day off to go within and to be quiet and meditate, I started to experiment with fasting. Started with Daniel fast (veggies, fruits, nuts mostly) for a few days and noticed It helped me regulate my mood. Then I started to get the courage to stop watching porn again. Started a new journal, i was writing down how many days its been since last relapse. and If i would relapse I would write down, what happened, and what I learned. After about a month or two I was too proud to get help and was 'trying' to do it alone. Very soon I realized I can't do this alone, and reached back to NoFap community after a few years break. On 11/11/2019 after about 30 days of relapse and self effort, I joined the accountability group created by @persona2903 (Who i am deeply grateful for), and started make daily journals. After much contemplation and revelation I received in my 10 day retreat i came up with 10 Disciplines and made my #1 purpose in life to stick to this the best i could. These 10 disciplines have formed from the depth of my agony and pain, and they became the light in to my experience to empower me. THE TEN DISCIPLINES: Connect To Silence at 3 am -5 am (tracking every day i would sleep and wake up with pen and paper ) Many days I would go back to sleep for 2-3 hours again (5 to 7 or 8) but waking up in the silence hour and connecting to God in silence has been a 'secret healer' it is hard to describe but it works for me. I now changed it to 3 am as felt inspired by Sadguru about 3:40 am being a special time. Meditation/Alone Time (1 hour morning and 1 hour at night, vipassana) + Pausing, relaxing for 1-5 minutes for 10-25 times per day, breathing to remember a prayer and to remember my oneness with my spiritual source. As much as possible taking Silence Days on Sundays. I speak to no one, and zero work or entertainment. Only focus is to evolve my awareness to who i am, what god is, and how to live more lovingly. No PMO - Daily check in here, helping other brothers, and being in the energy of NoFap and service. Fasting - Started with Daniel fast, then tried to have more veggies, organic and healhty food. Avoiding/limiting sugar, candies, salty chips no alcohol, smoking, or other toxins. Plus intermittent fastings (Eating form 7am to 3pm, or eating from 4pm to 9pm *current* ) When emotional pain would come, or strung temptations, I would do a more intense fast were I would only drink Juice or just a 24-48 hour water fast which is a killer! (and so blissful) Hour of power - Reading (20min) / 40 min Running/Workout, while focusing on what i'm grateful for, imagining a better future, speaking empowering words to myself. ( "I am strong. I am confident. I love my life" and so on...) Radical Forgiveness - Never holding on to resentments, Instantly letting go of all grudges, small or big. In addition praying and blessing our enemies, and those who annoy us after each meditation morning and night and through the day. Resentments are like atomic bombs in our way of life, need to be washed with pure waters forgiveness. Tithing - giving 10% of all income to a selfless cause from gratitude, this must be done in secret. not a show off, there should be no direct benefit to me for giving this money from thankfulness. I was inspired by the book 4 Spiritual Laws of Prosperity. Experience showed me this is the only way to live because the remaining 90% of the money is blessed and I feel I am under an invisible protection. SMART goals and action - Creating specific, measurable, attainable goals and tracking my progress towards them. Usually starting the year with writing 10 goals, and focusing on top 5. each week reviewing our goals and trying to accomplish the best we can. Mastermind - Taking initiative to bring a small group of people together on a weekly bases to help each other (as thought in the book the law of success by Napoleon Hill) Self less service - Doing some act of kindness however small or great in secret. After some times doing these 10 I started to feel a shift. First I got a new minimum wage plus commission sales job. I hated the job and almost quiet after 3 days but decided to see it like my 10 day meditation at vipassana, that after 3 days I almost left, but because I stuck with it, i had a breakthrough. After a few days at this job, I started to feel really good again, felt my confidence come back. I started to feel really confident because I knew i am living my most disciplined life, even though externally and financially i wasn't so much better, i was feeling changed from the inside, mainly based on how I was waking up and focusing on my attention on doing "The next right thing" ... "one day at a time". After about 90 days Covid hit, but thankfully I had already been looking for a better job, I had a good friend who helped me with my job searched and I learned how to tweak my profile and was able to land a better job. While i was at the sales job I was approached by someone who offered me a new job with the highest salary i Have ever had in my life in management position. (Miracle) Then about 6 months after, I got another job with potential for higher pay and more flexibility and now I am full-time self employed. it's been about 1.5 yrs since then, I now have a very simple and efficient home by myself, where I can sleep , meditate, workout and work from home. I live exactly where I wanted to live. I am working on a very inspiring project with a co-founder building a global community of people who want to expand their perspective and create success and meaning in their lives. I am living with more self control. Tracking finances, sleep, food and limiting other time wasters. Again i'm far from perfect but I am finding a new level of inner power to do what I say I want to do, like never before. Compared to others I am nothing special, but compared to where I was a year and a half ago, i feel extremely blessed. Another point, worth mentioning, during the last 1.5 yrs I saved the most money, paid the most debt, been consistent on living on budget, and now have the most savings I have had since the past 5 years. I would say I feel really good about 80% of the time, there is the 20% when I feel lonely, frustrated, agitated, and lustful, where as before it was the other way around (80% lustful/depressed/lonely and 20% happy) Urgets can come at any time, but now i have a higher awareness which enables me to drop on my knee and ask for help, take a cold shower, or go meet a friend instead. Almost every Sundays (today) I take time off from all financial concerns or pleasures of relationships, and i put my focus on rising my awareness of what I am and deepening my bond to myself. It is hard to describe but it seems like after this time, I am learning how to be very content being by myself, which I have never in my life felt before. (EVER) *** Reading my journal from the previous years I see a huge positive shift on how well I feel, but I would be lying to say I am blissful all the time. but I'm learning to go into the loneliness, and the loneliness it self is becoming a motivation for me to deepen my spiritual awareness of the inner bliss... Having said I am walking on raisers edge, meaning any day i can fall to temptation and relapse, but I also feel there is an invisible hand of grace protecting me. As my relationship with women, the past 1.5. yr i had plenty of opportunities to get in relationships but I avoided it (perhaps partly by choice and partly because no one really captured my attention in a deep way) Ironically I have now more 'close' female friends than I have had in my entire life who I can call, talk to and hang out with. I recently started to work with a coach and since I have been meeting girls all the time and playing around with FB dating. And I'm opening myself to a new partner who will be in alignment t my long term vision with my work and as well as matching my love for Truth, God, Meditation and freedom. After much contemplation my new commitment is to avoid having sex for the first 6-12 months of my next relationship to cultivate deeper connection, and if i do have sex again, It will be with retention, or conscious choice of number of total ejaculation per year and never giving myself free pass to have as much as as I like with my partner, because experience showed me it leads to coolage effect and in my case self destruction.) I also realized I could never really love a woman before, until I was able to come to a measure of freedom from compulsion over sex. I feel I see women (and other people and animals) from a higher perspective, you could call it oneness or love, which makes me feel more at home and connected, wherever I go. I hope this share inspires someone on some level. Feel free to ask any questions.