My story and tips

My brothers, it´s done . 90 days, no pornography, no masturbation!

It´s been a hell of a ride, i´m trying this for almost 2 years now and i finally succeed it . I´m very happy . I learn much in this process and i´ll share with you on the next post my tips to a effective reboot. For now i just want to share my story with you, maybe you can relate.

I´m 38 years old, i´ve been addicted to porn since 17/18 years old. My first experience with porn was when i was about 13 years. I was with a group of friends hanging in and one of then brought a porn vhs to the house. He put it on the vcr and that caused a shocking effect on me. I was disgusted of what i was seeing. the movie had a lot of extreme scenes, besides the natural graphic nature of pornography. Half of us (me included) were disgusted by that, so we pretend we were distracted with other things, the other half of the group keep on looking in awe. It was a dreadful experience for me and i remember tolding to a friend “dude, i will never do that to a girl, relations are for love”, he agreed with me instantly.


So years passed and around 15/16 years, i discover masturbation. Almost instantly i discover fapping “to something”. I became very hooked on that, it was a great experience. So i was a regular fapper (2/3 times per week) mainly using recorded sex scenes from movies, nothing serious.


About when i was 17 years old, internet appeared. It was a game changer. My first reaction was “nudes!!”. And internet had then, a lot!


Back then the connection was slow and there was no quick video platforms. We had to download everything file by file, so a single pmo session could last hours.

My atraction to pmo increased a lot and this was probably the time when i got mildly addicted, fapping maybe everyday. I remember vividly that the day just didn´t seem to end right if i didn´t have “my girls”. pmo made me feel complete, masculine. However i remember one time i was fed up with my behaviour and i swear i would spend 2 weeks without pmo, but i didn´t last more than 4 days.

So years go by and i was a regular porn/masturbation user until maybe 31/32 years old. From this period of time i didn´t experience any negative effects in my life, or at least i was unaware of then. However i experience lot´s of relationship conflicts, lot´s of insecurity, jealousy, ressentment and angriness. I thought it was my personality, now i see with was pmo all along that was destroying my self-esteem and relationships.

Then one day i realize that when i didn´t pmo i felt more lighter, more happy, more confident. Then it became clear that pmo was causing me some form of damage. So i try to stop… but i couldn´t. i kept on doing it, even knowing that it was causing me damages.


So more time passed by and then something happen. I started using pmo to deal with emotional suffering. Stress, hurt, anger, etc… This rang a bell on me because i knew that this was what alcoholics do, they drink to deal with their pain. Plus i start to loose control on pmo sessions, whilst before i would do 1 or 2 times and i was satisfied, now i would only stop after several times, when i was half dead. I develop social anxiey, fatigue, insomnia… all the terrible spectrum that we know now are consequences of pmo addiction.


Now i knew something very serious was happening to me. i looked on information and i was shocked to find out that there was something called “porn addiction”. I discover the nofap lifestyle and try to implement it. However i had no techique, no method, no knowledge, and no serious engagement, so i didn´t go far. i thought nofap was too hard and maybe the solution was about reducing pmo instead of going cold turkey.


So i spent 2 years of my life trying to control pmo use. “Only on these days, or that days…” “only x times per week”, “only x times in weekend days”, “only masturbation” bla bla bla, i tried all kinds of systems. Nothing worked. In the end i would always do pmo much more than i wanted to. So one day it became clear to me that if i was a true addicted i would never control pmo usage, it was a waste of time to think otherwise.


So 2 years ago, i decided to engage serioulsy on the reboot, not that i wanted to, but because i needed to. I had no choice. My life was a living hell. During this period of serious engagement i learn a lot, i also relapse a lot but i never gave in. I learn with my mistakes, gain more knowledge until it became natural and easier to spend the day without pmo. I keep on using my reboot system, and refining it, until this very day.


Now i´m gonna present you how my life was in pmo addiction and how it´s now.


BEFORE - very low physical energy, always tired, i barely could run.

NOW - i have a lot more energy and stamina.


BEFORE - very low mental energy, huge attention deficit, very hard to concentrate, lot´s of memory failures, many times i couldn´t remember things i did 5 seconds ago.

NOW - my memory has improved a lot and also my concentration. I´m much faster and smarter now. It seems pmo casts a fog in the mind. Everything seemed dull and shallow before. Now i´m very aware of the sorroundings, everything seems brigher and alive. It´s great!!!


BEFORE - very high social anxiety. I couldn´t look at anybody, especially womans. I couldn´t talk straight with womans because i was so nervous. I was avoiding places which had lot´s of people. If i needed to go to places with many people (ex: the supermarket) i would travel far away to not face people that i know.

NOW - i still have some social anxiety but it´s much less, i have no stress in talking with womans, i feel at ease with them.


BEFORE - lot´s of insomnia, bad sleep, i wake up 1 or 2 hours before regular time

NOW - my sleep is good, deep and solid.


BEFORE - i feel disconected from my wife. i didn´t feel love or atraction to her, just sympathy.

NOW - i have a great marriage, i regain my love and affection for her.


BEFORE - i had premature ejaculation, i could attain an orgasm in less than a minute.

NOW - i have regular ejaculations, orgasms are delayed to a normal time span, sex is great, no porn thoughts during intercourse.


BEFORE - i was thinking on sex lot´s of times. I was seeing woman as objects. Checking out womans body parts like a pervert.

NOW - I almost don´t think about sex. The world is seen in a totally different way. I see womans has full individuals, pretty, atractive, inteligent and emotional. I don´t see them as objects and i´m very fond of them. Sometimes i still check them out, but on a natural atraction, not to arouse myself.


BEFORE - i was altering between flatline periods and extreme urges periods.

NOW - i don´t feel either. However if i expose myself to risky situations, it still feel desire to pmo.


BEFORE - i felt disconnected from the world. I had some hate towards social interaction and humans in general. I felt a piece of shit.

NOW - i feel confident and social. I have more patience, understanding and empathy towards humans and living beings in general.


BEFORE - my face was pale, dry and scared. My hair was falling like leaves in autumn.

NOW - my face has his natural skin tone, serene and colorful. My hair has stopped falling and became stronger and thicker again. Comparing to my group of friends my hair looks the best.


BEFORE - i was emotional unbalanced, selfish, easely irritated and hurt. Lot´s of negative thoughts.

NOW - i feel very innocent, i don´t feel guilthy or pervert. I have a good self-esteem and emotional stability. it takes a lot to put me off balance and if i become upset i regain my peace faster. Sometimes i feel a deep peace inside of me, a very good feeling.


This is the benefits i gain in 90 days, i´m sure that in 180 days it will become even better . Let´s go my brothers!!!

 

After years of constant learning and developing i assemblage some tips on how to make a successfull reboot. These are informations i collect from my own experience, the experience of other rebooters and literature on the subject. Read it carefully as this will lead you in the right path and safe tons of time and suffering. Words in bold are mandatory.


1 - Accept beyond any doubt that you´re an addict, not someone who has a bad habit. Quoting from the book "Wack: Addicted to Internet Porn" from Noah Church (free on his website).

“The following 11 criteria are inspired by the APA's (American Psychiatric Association) substance addiction diagnostic tool and with some adaptation each criterion applies equally as well to porn use (…). Make a tally mark for every statement that applies to you.


- You use more extreme pornographic material than you planned, use porn more frequently than you planned, or have used porn over a greater time span than you planned.

- You have several times expressed that you would like to quit or reduce use and/or have unsuccessfully tried to reduce or stop use.

- You spend an inordinate or inconvenient amount of time acquiring, using, and/or recovering from the effects of porn.

- You experience strong cravings for porn.

- You have compromised major obligations at home, at work, or at school due to porn use.

- You continue using porn despite knowing that it is consistently causing or worsening social or interpersonal problems.

- You have skipped or given up significant social or occupational activities in order to use porn.

- You use porn in ways or locations that are physically hazardous.

- You continue using porn despite knowing that it is consistently causing or worsening physical or psychological problems.

- You have acquired a tolerance and need more lengthy, varied, or extreme porn to feel the same or similar pleasure as when you first started using.

- You experience unpleasant withdrawal symptoms when you abstain and may use porn to alleviate these symptoms.


According to the APA, "As a general estimate of severity, a mild substance use disorder is suggested by the presence of two to three symptoms, moderate by four to five symptoms, and severe by six or more symptoms."


2 - Recognize that you can´t control PMO usage. Don´t waste precious time of your life trying to fit porn in your life, you can´t control this thing. “Oh… maybe on these days, or only on that days….” Forget it. See for yourself: if you could control this, you wouldn´t be an addict in the first place.


3 – The moment you realize PMO is deeply wrong, stop it at once. Don´t use any kind of excuses, especially the “one last time” excuse. Addictions are chronic diseases, technically you don´t know when it will be the last time. Relapses often happen in reboot. You have to see PMO by itself as a destructive behaviour, even one single time. So in a nutshell:

- PMO destroys your physical energy.

- PMO destroys your mental energy.

- PMO destroys your motivation.

- PMO makes you nervous and angry. Repeated use leads to social anxiety.

- PMO makes you depressed, destroys your self-esteem.

- PMO makes you sex obsessed, a pervert.

- PMO makes you see people as objects, destroys your empaty and compreension towards others.

- PMO destroys the affection for your partner, it makes you self-centered and resentful.

These are the main harmful effects, but there are many more. If you fall for any excuse to PMO, no matter what it is, you´re falling for the circunstance trap. The moment you use an excuse to fap today, tomorrow you´ll use another excuse.


4 – Define a strategic plan. Write down all the typical excuses that you use before a PMO session. To each belief write a answer to it. Read the beliefs and the answers every day so to be prepared when the addiction tries to lure you.

Have a vision of your goal. What rewards will you achieve when you reboot? Write the rewards and read them every day. That way you´ll have the goal in mind when hard times appear.

It´s also important to believe that you can be permanently free from porn and masturbation. See the example of many sucessful rebooters and coachs.

Recall your personal values. Who is the "true you"? What moral values do you defend? Write them and read them regularly. Being aligned with your true self will help you stay in the right path since porn goes against all good values.

Journal to reinforce your reboot mindset. Every morning (or night before) write a preemptive entry. Write down how you´ll behave the next day, what triggers and difficulties to expect, etc...

If you´re triggered in the moment, you can do a responsive entry (in the moment) on your journal. Detail what you´re feeling, why do you want porn, and draw an action plan to find a good alternative without using porn.

If you slip or relapse write a retroactive entry. Detail how it happened (both internally and externally) and what will you do different next time. In the end write the vision of your goal again.

This writing tecnique is very important because writing activates the brain a lot more and insert ideas in a deeper way. For more details on this form of journaling see "The Metascript Method" by Mark Queppet.

Landmark your journey. Create a system of rewards where you win a prize or celebrate whenever you reach a specific time mark. Use reminders (post-its, inspirational wallpapers, phone apps, etc...) to motivate yourself on the journey.

Study about the addiction. Studying will increase your knowledge and motivation on the reboot process.


5 – You can´t do this alone. This is because the feeding ground of addictions is isolation. So the treatment goes in the opposite direction. You need partners, groups, therapy, forums, whatever, do as you prefer, but stay in touch. Socialization is also needed to release dopamine in a positive way.

It´s important that you have an accountability partner on this journey. This will increase your accountability (accept responsability for your behaviour), increase the external pressure for your conduct, boost your motivation and win a source of feedback. Accountability is very important in this journey. Stay accountable daily.

If you´re married i strongly suggest you come clean with your wife. By telling the truth about your problem she can be a source of support. It´s also better to know the truth from you instead of finding out. But don´t make her your accountability partner because she´s too involved in the problem to be objective (tecnically PMO is cheating).


6 – The addiction has a very strong pull. So create a triggers prevention system of physical barriers against PMO. Example: Install porn blockers on all electronic devices, use them with people around you, screens facing exposure, doors open, etc... You must identify all the situations that causes you hesitation and create countermeasures before they become a real danger.
The triggers prevention system must be adaptable: with time some situations will stop being a danger, while others will continue. So pay attention and adapt your system as time goes by.

Overall, if you feel solid, your triggers prevention plan can be looser. If you feel unstable, your triggers prevention plan should be tighter.

The countermeasures must be reasonable. Keep your life happy. Don´t deprive yourself of anything or you might feel overwhelmed and prone to escape by using porn.
Example: let´s say a particular series in Netflix triggers you. Don´t cut all Netflix, just cut out that series.

The relapse is not an event, it´s a process. Write down a list of your usual red signs that precedes a relapse.
Examples: ignoring countermeasures, fishing, taking the phone to the bathroom, etc... Whenever you hit a red sign that means you´re heading for a relapse.
So put your mind straight right there, write a retroactive entry on your journal, and take defensive actions immediatly. The early you change course, the better. If you wait until the brink of a relapse to take action, it will be much harder to stop then.


7 – Delete all porn/sexual material that you have. If you keep something with you, you´re keeping the flame alive.


8 - Withdrawal is hard, sometimes harder than the addiction. But after some time the period of intense withdrawal ends (although withdrawal symptoms may occur from time to time, as the brain is rewiring). For the hard withdrawal prepare yourself for fatigue, anxiety, irritation, paranoia, sadness, insomnia, brain fog, headaches, etc... But don´t worry, after a while energy will start rising and you´ll feel amazing. It´s worth all the efforts. To minimize withdrawal do workouts, always stay well fed, hidratated, and build a good sleep system. Sleep is very important because it´s one of the main sources of rest and gathering energy, so make sure you sleep well.

Sleeping pills, vitamins, anxiolytics and antidepressives can also help to face withdrawal.

Brain fog is one of the worst symptoms of PMO usage and withdrawal, so i recommend this technique to cope with it:



The Wim Hof method is incredible to boost your energy and vitality. Check his work if you can.


9 – Reduze alcohol and sugar consumption to a minimum. These substances drain your energy, promote lethargy, irritation and depression. Never get drunk. Excessive alcohol prevents the brain from rewiring, leads to more fatigue, irritation and brain fog.

Alcohol and substances that alter consciousness are very effective to destroy willpower and induce thinking errors. If you predict you´re gonna drink put away all electronic devices before and as long as you´re under the effect of alcohol. This simple act will safe you from a relapse.

Reduce screen time, wether TV, PC, mobile, whatever.... screens cultivate a passive attitude. They rob awareness and create dullness. If you want to interact with screens that´s fine, but only for a specific reason, when that reason is over, the viewing must be over also. Another problem with spending too much time in front of electronic screens its because of the blue light they emanate. This can cause disturbances to fall asleep.

Use social media in moderation, social media increases the feelings of depression and loneliness. It releases dopamine (one of the feel good hormones) on the brain with minimal effort so it activates a quick reward system, similar to PMO. Dopamine is naturally released with good nutrition, sleep, physical exercise and everytime you feel gratified by something you did.

When you search dopamine in a quick reward system like junk food, alcohol, drugs, porn, social media, etc… you´re not creating anything, you´re waiting for something to make you feel alive. If you repeat that behavior often, the brain will adapt to it and get hooked on the easy dopamine paths, craving for more. As consequence you´ll lose motivation to do other things. This is specially problematic for us since we´re trying to rewire the brain beyond dopamine rushs. So behaviours of excessive social media by association can lead to behaviours of PMO.

Studies recommend a maximum use of 30 minutes per day, so use it in moderation.


10 – Practice meditation daily or any kind of relaxation technique. This is very important to calm the body against urges, help cope with withdrawal symptoms and deal with ordinary life stress.


11 – Negative feelings are common triggers to PMO. This is a crucial part of the reboot because many times relapses happen to escape pain or discomfort. We have to deal directly with the parts of our experience that are uncomfortable and cope with them in constructive ways.

If we don´t deal with these feelings, at a neurological level, the midbrain (that is severely hijacked by PMO) will start to take over for the “excitement solution”. That´s why it feels we enter autopilot just before a relapse, we are being driven.

If you feel bored, first accept it. Don´t run away from feelings. Then follow the trail of inspiration. Think about several things you would like to do right now and choose the one you want the most. Even if you only feel a small pull, do it anyway. After a while your blood will start pumping and you´ll be inspired to do other things.

If you feel sad accept the situation that caused it. Change it if you can. You can also talk with someone about it and do something pleasant.

Stronger emotions like anger or hurt i recommend meditation. A good technique is the Breathing Space Meditation, it´s especially designed to cope with hard feelings:




12 - Debunk toxic shame - One of the main features of modern day society is the sense that we are not good or worthy enough. This toxic shame is rooted is us from early stages, mostly derived by a cruel and competitive society. Toxic shame is also of the main blocks that prevents addiction recovers to stay sober in the long run. To counterbalance this destructive pattern, use positive afirmations daily.

Examples:
"I have value"
"I have dignity"
"I love and accept myself as i am"
"I am unconditionaly good".
"I take good care of myself"

Don´t just recite, feel them with all your heart. Because they are true. You are a human being, therefore you always have intrinsic value, no matter what. Yes, sometimes you make mistakes, but you can learn from them and improve. And deep down you´re a good person. You are worthy.
So even if your status goes up and down, that doesn´t change your value, your dignity remains the same. You´re good and worthy, ALWAYS.

Remember that following the path is more important than achieving the goal. The direction is what matters. So when you feel down or relapsed, reframe the situation:
"Ok, i screwed up on this. But i forgive myself, i learn with this mistake, and i´m getting back on track to overcome this addiction and become the man i want to be."


13 - In the reboot you´ll have flatline periods (total absence of sexual desire) and periods of strong PMO urges. Flatline is a sign that the brain is rewiring, let it be.

PMO cravings are a direct consequence of the addiction.
Since you are a good person, all your desires are good but along the way you have conditioned your brain to do bad things (PMO) in order to get (apparently) good results. Most of the times we want porn for a good reason: relief, peace, excitment, etc. But like any drug, porn just tells a part of the story. When the excitment is over, people feel worse than before. That´s why drugs don´t work.

So everytime you feel triggered, root out the underlying desire:

- "how do i feel? Tired, shamed, guilted, hurted..."
- "What do i want? Porn!"
Purify it:
- "Ok, what do i really want?" "i want to feel peace, happiness, energy, excitment...".

So when your true desire surfaces, draw an action plan to achieve it. Then relax your body with some deep breathings or light stretches, and follow the plan.

Be prepared to make concessions. Sometimes you need to negociate with yourself and change a PMO session for other forms of pleasure (food, sweets, videogames, entertainment, etc). Some of these forms may not be healthy or ideal, but they´re still better than porn, and can be a transitory mechanism while the brain is accustomed to immediate gratification.

As the brain rewires, these low value behaviours will naturally be replaced by better behaviors. But stay humble and don´t expect perfection.

Talk with your emotional self daily. Check your feelings through self-talk and translate your emotions into words. Ask how your emotional self is? What he felt about that day? He has things to say and can point out things you can improve in your life. Be a friend to your emotional side because he holds all the energy and power, unlike your rational side that only has ideas and logic.
Then, with usual practice, you will align the two sides, reforge the split mind and unleash your total potential.

For more details, see the Flare Method by Mark Queppet.




14 – Mourn the addiction. Write a goodbye letter to porn. Be brutally honest. An addiction is also a relationship so cry your heart out, say all the things you want to say, and say goodbye. Then, like any other relationship, just stay away from it and with time the emotional bond is undone.


15 - Avoid any kind of sexual stimulation. Urges are fueled by sexual thoughts so don´t feed those thoughts, it´s very important.
Anything that we consciously engage with a lustful purpose: viewing, hearing, touching... will make dopamine being released in a unhealthy way on the already unbalanced brain.
Stimulation will increase urges and destroy motivation for other things (as porn is still the main driver).
So don´t believe your mind if it tells you "to peek", it never wants just that. If you peek, the addiction will kick-in strongly and start drilling until it breaks you. The obsession will not stop. The same goes for touching. So don´t ever take the first step. But if you do, stop by any means possible.

Make a 180º shift on reality! Engage in totally different activities through the day. Luckly, there´s a million to do things that have nothing to do with sex.

I recommend a period of 90 days totally clean from sexual stimulation (no porn, no masturbation and no sex). This will boost your reboot and help you develop sexual self-mastery which is crucial to internalize that you don´t need sexual stimulation in order to be happy and fullfilled.


16 - When you have intercourse you can be haunted by a sudden horniness called “chaser effect”. This is a tendency to keep indulging the next sexual urges with PMO. So after sex, be alert for the chaser effect.

If you do sex but thinking on porn that means you´re using your partner as an object. That´s a relapse.


17 – Define new goals. Quitting PMO should be your first goal, since all other goals depend on you being reasonably healthy and stable.
So once you reached 120 days clean, there will be no autopilot and the pull of the addiction will be much weaker. You are now ready to embark in new goals.

So, what do you want to do with your life? What are your passions? Do a list of goals and follow the one you feel attracted the most. Channeling your time and energy into a meaningful goal will give inspiration to your life and also help transmute your sexual energy.

You can follow two goals at the same time, if they don´t contradict with each other and don´t overwhelm you.

Craft your life to be a masterpiece, the life that you dream of.

After 120 days there´s no need to do the entire reboot protocol. Just keep the things that you feel necessary to stay sober, and move on with your life.

If you start fishing or peeking, that means you´re slipping and you should tune up the entire reboot protocol again for a couple of weeks until you feel solid again. If you relapse, tune it back up for some months. If you relapse and binge, do all the protocol again.


18 - Assume your responsabilities. As addicts we tend to get careless around life in general: our health, image, work, studies, house, etc. If you neglect your life you´ll feel bad, and the internal pressure will increase making you prone to escape through porn.

So be responsable, take care of your body, don´t slack your studies, don´t skip work, be punctual, stay on top of things.

Reflect your dignity on your behaviours.

Even if you feel down, try your best. If all your life is a wreck right now, try to change one habit at a time. Start with self-care. Remember: if sometimes you don´t succeed, that´s ok, you´re trying, you´re falling forward. That´s what matters!

If you encounter very vulnerable moments in your life, always protect yourself. Do one thing at a time, deal with one issue at a time, and don´t overwhelm yourself. In these moments, staying clean is your major goal, all else is secundary.


19 - The addict mind will not break easily. It´s likely that you´re gonna relapse. The key is too keep going, never give up. If you don´t give up you will make it. You will find a way. All the excuses that you put up “oh i´m not strong enough”, “not smart enough”, “oh, i´m super addicted”, bla bla… it´s all ideas that are not tested, excuses to justify failure.

Perseverance is the game changer. So in each relapse, try to know something about yourself, how your mind works. What red signs did you ignore? What excuses to relapse you didn´t answer to?
Knowledge is power! So in each relapse, stop, reflect, and improve your strategy.

If you relapse try not to binge. If you binge you´ll lose many of the rewiring gains, and the withdrawal will be worse. *See page 2 for more details.

If you feel stuck, ask for professional help. There are lot of coachs and porn addiction specialists in the internet.


20 - 120 days usually is the standard time to lay the foundations on how to live without PMO. However experts estimates that an addicted brain may need 12 to 24 months to fully heal. Counting the days can boost your confidence but it also has down effects. Counting may create the sense that only when “that” specific day is reached everything will be fine, your life will be perfect. So you focus on the time and not the process, which is your life. This can make a streak harder to endure by putting extra pressure to reach “that” day and not reset the counter meanwhile. To avoid this trap see nofap as a lifestyle and not merely a time challenge. The challenge is for the critical 120 days shift. After that nofap becomes part of your identity:
"i´m not a man who uses porn and masturbation."

Every time you start a new streak you got to believe this is the last one. "No more, never again!". This will help you motivate, be resolute in your decision and give your emotional self a clear sign that you´re in this for life. Your emotional self will freak out, say it´s "not possible", "not fair", etc... and that´s when you must negociate with him.
Make a written dialogue between your intelectual and emotional side about never again engage in ANY kind of lust, and what sort of life you both want. Reach an agreement.

Don´t be overconfident though, addictions are chronic diseases, you got to stay aware and humble, for life.


21 – You can´t go back to porn. Why? Two major reasons:

- you´ll be an ex-addict, always. That means you can´t have a normal relation with porn. if you engage in PMO, sooner or later you´ll become an addict, again. Quoting from a gambling disorder specialist, he wrote why ex-patological gamblers could never return to money games. This naturally aplies to other addictions, as they all have the same backbone:

"We talk about treatment and not cure because there´s a lot more data at neurobiological and genetic level that stated that dependency is a cronic problem, but not terminal. This means through treatment it´s possible to conquer life quality built on abstinence. (...) My 15 years experience dealing with dependency disorders makes me afirm that whoever had severe dependency can not attain the desired control to consume. Generally speaking it´s only a matter of time until the obsession, the compulsion and the impulsiveness return. These are the factors that lead to loss of control and priorities switching that caracterize this behavioural dependency, among others"

Quoting Gary Wilson from "Your brain on Porn":

"The bad news is that trigger-pathways sometimes stay around for a long time, even after you are otherwise fully rebooted. They do weaken. For example, an alcoholic who has been sober for 20 years may no longer be triggered by beer commercials. Yet if he drank a beer his sensitized pathways might light up causing him to lose control. Similar things happen to former porn users. They become immune to cues that were formerly risky, but if they use porn again they may binge."

- in high speed internet, there´s an infinite suply of sexual material, new sexual material. Dopamine is released not only by viewing and fapping but also by searching novely. The search itself creates arousal! So once you give your brain a taste of the "stuff" it will crave for more, always more.


22 – Besides the damaging effects that porn does to the body and mind, there´s another problem that goes through society. You see, we´re not just addicted to porn, we´re addicted to sexual stimulation - lust. We tend to internet hardcore porn because it´s the fastest, easiest and most graphic form of lust there is.

Sex should come in the context of a loving connection. Lust - whether from porn, softcore, prostitutes, our dirty mind, etc - reduces human beings to objects. We stop seeing a person as a whole and reduce it to it´s sexual feature. We´re using people instead of loving people.

Society has a great deal in why things are this way, we are constantly being bombarded by sensual materials, it´s everywere. And that is something we must strongly say “NO”. We should know somebody´s body when we are in touch with all the traits of that person. This creates a deep connection between two people and through it sex becomes a transcendental experience.

So everytime society presents you with the objectification of the body, turn your face away. People are not body parts, people do not exist to satisfy our needs. Much of the violence between men and women is rooted in the way society encourages the reduction of people to objects.


23 – Sex industry destroys it´s own agents. Often porn stars suffer from emotional problems, some of them we´re abused as children, raped and during their porn career many turn to alcohol and drugs to cope with the shame and guilt.



The filming is very degradating for actors, specially woman, sometimes forcing them to painful, humiliating scenes. Many pornstars die in early age. Their deaths show a clear pattern of self destruction from carrying a burden: suicide, drugs abuse, alcohol abuse, sexual transmitted diseases. As one ex-pornstar said: “the industry picks people who are already damaged to damage them even more”.



So every time you click on the porn sites (or even paying for them) you´re giving views to a site that will be supported by ads. You´re promoting your misery and the misery of others.


24 – Some teories sustains that masturbation by itself is harmless and that´s why many youngsters engage in it. Other theories, especially eastern culture, states that masturbation is detrimental to both body and mind and should be avoided. This is the stance i defend.
Masturbation it´s perfectly normal when exploring the body through puberty. It´s also good to have sexual education which helps understand the body functioning, reproduction, pregnancy, sexual transmitted diseases, etc...

However, gaining awareness doesn´t mean indulging in self-pleasure. If we´re single, isn´t sexual desire an appeal to find a mate? A calling?
When we turn that appeal towards ourselves, we inverse nature, we block ourselves from authentic human relationships. We don´t need people anymore. This leads to lack of self-confidence, lack of self-esteem and isolation.

Plus, being a solo act, we can easily use masturbation to cope with hard feelings the same way we did with porn. And since masturbation also deals with fantasy, we can naturally be tempted to use porn again.

Semen is an extremely powerful substance that consumes many body resources to be produced. If stored, it´s raw energy can be transformed into a powerful lever for any activity, an energy powerhouse.
This is a process called “sexual transmutation” and lot´s of people practice it with amazing results. So instead of wasting semen and losing vitality, channel that energy to superior, meaningful goals.

You can also use cold showers and workouts, which are particulary effective to transmute natural sexual charge (but don´t use them to deal with PMO urges!).

If we transmute our sexual charge nothing bad will happen. On the contrary, we will grow in happiness, clarity, strenght and confidence.
A drop of semen is a drop of your vital energy. If you´re gonna leak it, let it be with the person you love.


25 – The reboot should be your top priority in life. It implies 100% commitment and real work. If you take it serious, like if your life depends on it (because it does!), the change is at your hand. You´ll become a new person: happy, faster, stronger, smarter, confident, atractive, social, carismatic. You´ll become a high successful person and there will be nothing you can´t accomplish, because after conquering this terrible addiction, you can conquer anything.

Quoting some successful rebooters:

"Nofap will make you live the life that you dream of"

"In nofap you´ll be so happy that you won´t know what to do with yourself"

I wish you the best luck, strenght and focus my brothers.

Believe in yourself, you can do it.

 

well, as addicts, sexual thoughs have a strong influence in us. so try not to feed them. and do the reboot bro. follow these tips, they pretty much cover all you need . Let´s go!!!

 

no, it´s not done yet. i feel a lot better than before but has far as the addiction is concerned i still feel urges for pmo and porn thoughts. so i still have a long way to go . i feel this is a progressive evolution, you know? it´s not over at 90 days. we got to stay vigilant and continue with our reboot work.

 

brothers, just a quick note to say that i have updated the guideline nº 14.