My story...from my perspective

clarity&me

clarity&me

Fapstronaut
It seems like everyone has a story and it is always from their point of view. Some make themselves look like the person who was wronged and some are the ones doing the wrong. Neither way does anyone come out better than the other. It is interesting how I have been described as a selfish person who is uncaring and stringent and deliberate. I on the other hand describe myself as loving, caring, big hearted, conscious of other feelings, affectionate, playful and flexible. Yes I am frugal but there is a reason....but I do spend on vacations and treats for my family. This is just a beginning of my intro. More to come. Just wanted to get it started.
 
I do know that my SO is on this site and has shared many stories on how he sees our relationship. I can say that some of it is true but with some omissions here and there to make himself look like the martyr. There is also alot of hypocrisy in his content and how he lives his life with me. Knowing what I know makes me extremely guarded and unease living with someone who says he loves me but makes me feel the way I do.
 
I was blindly in love with him and even when I found out that he had bad habits I tried to work with him to get him out of those habits. Even to this day I have changed things about myself to encourage and help him stay away from those temptations. His excuse is that he is weak and I don't buy that story because we all make choices and have free will to make the right choices. No one is there forcing us to chose a certain item over another. We make those choices. I find that that is just an escape to do as one pleases without consequence. Every action has a reaction. We learn from our mistakes and should no better. I guess that is not the case with everyone. I am still having a hard time getting these feelings out and not revealing myself or my SO by sharing too much or things that are very personal. I also have to wait until I am not angry or upset because of a post or something that he has done.
 
My SO plays the tune that he is the only one having a hard time. I remember back and remember how I have supported emotionally, financially and encouraged this person and I get upset to see that they have said some half truth's in their post. It is curious to me how we quickly forget that what has been accomplished was together not one person. I have given up many things to make things easier for us... simple things like enjoying an occasional night out with friends or talking to family and friends because he automatically feels that the conversation revolves around him. I am on eggshells to avoid arguing. I am tired of feeling like I am doing something wrong. I just want peace of mind and tranquility.
 
Frustration and anger make me see red. Why do I stay in such an unhappy relationship? Do things really change?
 
clarity&me said:
Frustration and anger make me see red. Why do I stay in such an unhappy relationship? Do things really change?
Click to expand...
They can change . Just for how long , hard when you are waiting for the other shoe to drop . You can make changes that make the YOU feel ok ., boundaries and consequences. How long have you been together ? Married ? Kids ?
 
Qnb42078 said:
They can change . Just for how long , hard when you are waiting for the other shoe to drop . You can make changes that make the YOU feel ok ., boundaries and consequences. How long have you been together ? Married ? Kids ?
Click to expand...
yes, over 20 years, yes and yes. I guess I have blame in this because lack of follow through with consequences. I get the whole apology and I will not do it again to be disappointed. How much longer can my body take this? My mental health? My bond with my kids? It is not easy but I know what must be done and I need the courage to do it.
 
So when I am ready to forgive and move on I find out something else that my SO has done. Now an acquaintance told me that my SO told him that we are still together because I am jealous that he will find another woman .Really? Duh! Isn't obvious that this will happen if there is separation. Why do men feel the need to talk all their business and then assume things and say things to make themselves feel superior and better? WTF! This makes me angry because I feel that we decided our staying together was a mutual decision not the BS story he is going around telling. This makes me put up more walls.
 
clarity&me said:
His excuse is that he is weak and I don't buy that story because we all make choices and have free will to make the right choices. No one is there forcing us to chose a certain item over another.
Click to expand...
I don't know your SO, but if you've surfed the forums a bit, you may see just how hard it is to quit. For some it takes years upon years. The world is filled with many powerful temptations. Actually, what gives us free will is the fact that bad things really do tempt us. If we would automatically do only good things, we wouldn't have free will. We'd just be angelic robots. Sure, no one external is forcing your SO to do anything, but internally he's at war with himself. One part of him is shouting that PMO is bad, while a more-or-less equal part of him is shouting that PMO is good.
Haven't you ever been tempted to do bad things?
 
Hros said:
I don't know your SO, but if you've surfed the forums a bit, you may see just how hard it is to quit. For some it takes years upon years. The world is filled with many powerful temptations. Actually, what gives us free will is the fact that bad things really do tempt us. If we would automatically do only good things, we wouldn't have free will. We'd just be angelic robots. Sure, no one external is forcing your SO to do anything, but internally he's at war with himself. One part of him is shouting that PMO is bad, while a more-or-less equal part of him is shouting that PMO is good.
Haven't you ever been tempted to do bad things?
Click to expand...
Sure but I learned from it and moved on and didn't fall into the same behavior. We are all different, I just get tired of hearing the excuse because it has been going on for too long and the same issue comes up.
 
So my SO invites me out and at the end of it all I wind up paying for dinner. I think I am being taken advantage of now. I don't feel that I am appreciated at all.
 
Feeling nothing and empty. I want to have faith and trust but every time I let myself feel some improvement my SO's actions make me reel them back in and keep my feelings close to my chest. How can we find that trust again? I know I broke the trust and have been showing and trying to repair it but my SO has fallen short, falling back to making poor choices and decisions. How do we move forward?
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top