Hello everyone, I am new to this forum, but have been on and off of nofap for a few years now. I think I might have very severe PAWS and I’d like to know if there are any men dealing with these same extreme issues. Or maybe they did and overcame them by doing NoFap. First, I’d like to thank everyone who contributes to the whole Nofap community. I stumbled upon it, when I first started my very first streak. I made a choice to try and stop PM and a few days later I started googling about the subject and discovered this community and all the knowledge it already has on the subject. Also watched Gary Wilson's TedTalk. This first streak was early November 2015. Since then, things escalated. At the moment, I am unable to function in society because of this affliction called porn addiction. I am very very VERY addicted. Every time I try to end it and doing a streak, my head tries to convince me that porn and masturbation (and the edging that comes with it) are not really a big problem. Than, after binging for a while, I come to the realization that this is a BIG F#^@ing issue. Today is day 3 of my latest streak. I am planning to do a 5 year streak and to stop using porn forever. I tried 90 days, it didn’t do anything for me. As a matter of fact, my very first streak lasted around 100 days already. I had little superpower, although I experienced a little bit of them. Especially more energy and girls staring at me. I started fapping when I was approx. 10 years old. First it were pictures, later it were nightprograms on TV. Also did fantasize. I fapped almost daily. Over the years my porn use and edging time escalated massively. During the later years, from 2015, these escalations became more intense while I was also doing Nofap streaks over and over again. Until now, they all failed. As I said, I usually would edge for HOURS not wanting to finish because then the fun would be over. Sometimes even six hours without breaks. Almost daily. It think this REALLY fried my brain… It is now almost 1 year ago my gf became my ex. I was having, and still have, weird symptoms that make my life miserable. I cannot work or study or even regularly go to the grocery store. It also made her life miserable. We were really good together. She is attractive and very, very hot. She kept trying to convince me to marry her for years, as I am not someone who ever wanted to marry. She eventually convinced me around the beginning of the summer in 2017. She wept tears of joy when I told her there was a chance of us to get married in the future. She eventually broke up with me in in the beginning of 2018. She did this approx. 2 weeks after I had a mental/neurological breakdown. Things I have been experiencing since October 2017: - Derealization (still 24/7) - Brain fog (24/7) - Weird, extreme sensations through my body for no apparent reason (almost all the time, gets worse/less bad in waves) - Confusion (on and off) - Tension in the belly/brick in stomach for no apparent reason, seems like something emotional (frequently) - Anhedonia - Life feels somewhat fake in general - Kind off existential “emptiness/there’s-no-point” feeling - Concentration problems - Feeling cold while it’s 21 degrees Celcius inside and wearing lot of clothes (occasionally) - Weird perceptions where totally normal things look creepy (occasionally) - An eerie feeling without any reason (once in a while) - Anxiety without any obvious reason (on and off) - No motivation (often) - No inspiration on what I want to accomplish in life (almost all the time) - Sometimes life/existance feels existentially pointless to the point it scares the hell out of me. Although I have never been suicidal or having serious thoughts about that, I do get scared of losing control and becoming suicidal sometimes. It’s a very weird feeling, as I said, where existence feels very pointless in an existential way but not having any inclination or tendency to become suicidal, while at the same time being scared AF of becoming it. It is a lingering feeling/sensation that sporadically comes to the surface for a few minutes/an hour or so. - Physically weak/fatigued/feeling like I could faint (almost all the time) - HPPD, visual snow, eye-floaters, tracers, etc. (often) - Double vision, where I see letters/lines a little bit double when with big contrast. As in: white letters on a black screen, I see them a little bit double as you would when you have some tears in your eyes. This gets worse with long edging sessions or when looking at screens a lot. - Apathy (almost all the time, lingering in the background, sometimes waves of it getting worse) - Pain shoots in my head, mostly on the sides (few hours after a recent edging session) - Dizziness-like feeling as if I am on a boat which is a scary feeling, because sometimes it feels like I will slip away into a collapse. (occasionally) - Episodes of intense buildup of the weird sensations and brick in my stomach where, if I stay present to the feelings/sensation/dysphoria, it will “climax” into an emotional release with tears where I want to hug a family member. The sensations are significantly less (although not completely gone) after such a release. Such a release sometimes also happens when I get ear-acupuncture. (For as far as I can remember, these episodes of buildup and release happen only during streaks) - Probably some more symptoms I forget… As you all can read, my life is literally a hell-hole right now. I cannot work, I cannot study, I cannot even live by myself at the moment. I am living with my parents again, and I am blessed to have them understand my situation. I have a very good (female) friend a couple of hours away from me. Seems like it was meant to be to meet her. I do not find her physically very attractive at the moment, but she makes me feel unconditionally loved. So, in my situation with NoFap, that is perfect. We are friends, and we plan to keep it that way for the time being. But she has been, and still is, my greatest support since June 2018. I think I might be dealing with a combination of extreme PAWS, other neurological issues and symptoms of the addiction itself. Also have some emotional things I have to resolve. I read that it is very detrimental to do edging sessions. Also, that having periods of binging between streaks may make things way worse. I have been doing all this for years… I have no history of having any such issues in my life before the end of 2017. I have read some stories from people getting PAWS for a very long time, where recovery takes place but very slow. I feel like my situation is even worse than theirs… I plan on doing a 5-year streak, or 1,800 days that is. Chances are high that if I succeed at that, I will have entirely lost the urge to go back to porn, making it a lifelong decision to quit.