My Story (it is quite long but please listen)

My story is that I started masturbating when I was around 12 and I started by watching the most sexual videos I could find on youtube because porn was blocked on my wifi. I got addicted really easily and I never stopped. I was doing it at least more than three times a week. As the years went on I found more content to watch as porn was unblocked and I could watch everything I wanted. Masturbation a few times a week became every single day. I couldn't stop and I hated it. At times I would end up doing it three times a day which made me feel really weak and gave me a bit of pain. I was less and less motivated to do work in school and I was and still am extremely skinny. I barely have any muscle mass and i am not confident to talk in front of a lot of people or be the centre of attention. I struggle to talk to girls sometimes and even with boys too that are my classmates. There were times where I didn't fap for like 5 days and I saw changes such as my voice going temporarily deeper and my confidence improve. But then after a few days of no fapping I would masturbate so much. Some may think this is weird but I also masturbate to good videos and pics of people I know in real life from their Snapchats and Instagram post. I actually do that majority of the time but if I feel I haven't watched porn in like a week then I would watch that. I am now 16 and I am coming to the end of secondary school. 2 days ago I was masturbating for about an hour, this is because I kept stopping before climax because it makes me feel better when I ejaculate. However I felt that I had gone way too far because I usually spend 20 minutes. I felt disgusted and needed to change ASAP. I had tried NoFap before but I didn't really know how to use it so I just left it and carried on masturbation. However 2 days ago I made a new nofap account and since then I have not fapped. After my exams when I complete secondary school in like a week, my target is to go gym every other day through summer. Also, my target is not to fap for 100 days. I am going to try to lose my virginity in the summer too. I have good looks and people find me funny but I think because I am very skinny, I don't have a deep voice and I have less confidence, girls would prefer other guys over me. But I still have good relationships with girls in my school. They may just not be sexually attracted to me which is my goal. I also get horny very easily, I get random erections like three times during school each day. If a girl starts flirting with me a lot and acts only a bit seductive I get a bone instantly which I find quite funny but annoying.

 

I don't really have a good strategy in place but I try to tell myself the positives of not masturbating. For example my confidence will improve, muscle mass could increase, my voice goes deeper and I will feel much better about myself. Since I created nofap I've been pressing the emergency panic button whenever I have thoughts of masturbating.

 

Thanks mate that helped a lot!