My story with porn addiction... What should I do to recover?

Tayaa

Fapstronaut
I'm now 28 years old and and I've been masturbating for a long time (maybe 15 years or plus). I was a porn addict and I think I kind of damaged my reward system. I know about the whole brain chemistry stuff because I read a lot and I'm kind of educated on this topic but I need to find a cure.

I've watched hundreds of porn scenes if not thousands if not more than that and I could develop during all this long masturbating process different ways and techniques of masturbating. In the first.. time I was jerking off normally. In the second phase, I lasted longer and later I found a very professional way to keep my penis from ejaculating and at the same time making it longer and larger (which is detrimental). The technique I was doing was kind of harsh and violent but so pleasurable and rewarding. I lay down my penis on my flat stomach and then I take a little rubber band, attach it to the bottom of my penis which is going to let more blood flow in and then I take a cover like a piece of soft cloth and wrap it tight on my whole penis and then I take like two ropes or three or if u want a belt and I put it around like for example my penis now is fully erect OK? So I take these ropes and fasten my penis with, one on the gland of my penis right on the head and the other on the half and sometimes I change the position of these ropes depending on the pleasure amount, the érections etc... Remember that these ropes ar attached tight around my body.. After doin' this I start watching porn, clickin' on kinky stuff, switchin' from a hot scene to a hoter one and then I start fappin' my penis stronger. The penis is laid down right on my navel right? I HIT IT all along just like punching someone in the face and while doin' tht on th whole area I feel mor pleasure, mor sperm comin' in, mor blood and then whn my penis gets filled up fully erect and so hard and to the point of ejaculation, I stop right away and I switch from porn to smth else like checkin' my phone or surfin' YouTube or somtz listenin' to a lecture until my penis falls flat, I start again and again and again... Somtz I last more than 8 hours and the worst thing is after all these "extreme edging hyperactivity" I do not ejaculate which is SOMTH so bad and so dangerous... I leave th masturbated sperm inside... Cuz I believed tht If tak it out I'll waste a lot of energy and I ws so freakin' wrong...

This technique has troubled my sexual reward system... I knw I ws so strong so energetic to th point I could last longer jerking off.. I also believed tht this technique would enlarge my penis and it actually did.. My penis became longer and larger but weak to stand one minute masturbating... I mean by that, if I start now masturbatin' or just tryin' to fantasiz abt sex I automtclly get this brain fog.. I feel lost.. My dopmanie system is in disorder.. My reward system too... I knw I ws so addicted to Porn and I had a very strong must for sex... The porn pixels have had a detrimental effect on the part of my brain responsable for sexual pleasure...

When I feel like I really need to watch porn and masturbated I do it fast... I ejaculate fast cz if I edge I will feel a retrograde ejaculatio' and my brain will feel lost, anxiety, depression etc jst lik a crashin' system etc..
The list is long

Symptoms: something like a retrograde ejaculation. Cz when I don't ejaculate fast I feel a rapid penis shrink and my heart or my arteries get lik tightened or I don' t knw...

Sexual reward system in disorder...

Dopamine disorder

Premature ejaculation

But the best case scnmenarion of all this is that I still get a full penis érections and my penis got larger and there's a thing weird tht with one sex thought I can have my penis fully erect... I dn t knw wht s happni to me... I feel like when I feel horny all th blood go down to my penis and I feel this crash... It s so uncomfortable...

I want to inform u tht I'm on my 43 days of rebooting and the more I quit all these bad things the more I get relaxed and th less I do I feel so bad... Plus I'm thinkn' of quitin' th whol virtual world cz if I Dn't I'll defiantly relapse and end up dyin' or I don't knw...

I wanna get married.. I' want t Liv a healthy sexual lif... I knw I wstd tons of sperm.. I overeged... I tortured my penis a lot.. I knw and I regret but regret is nt th solution..

Plz help me
I hope you interact with me Experts... Plz I need your help... Plz tell me wht should I do? I 'v never seen a doctor... Wht diagnosis I hav to make? How can I regulate my brain chemistry? My dopamine system? Wht ar th natural solution? How can I fix this neurological problem? I think th attachment I ws doin maybe it damaged my nerves or I don' t knw... Plz help... I'm ready to answer all your qsts...

Now I'm doin' my best to quit porn and evrthn related to sex.... Plz knw tht I dn t hav urinary tract infection, I dn t hav blue balls, no pain no burnnin' urination.. Except this bad smell coming out of my penis... And this whol crashed system... It s worth notin' tht whn I do good things lik helping prop or Goin to th Gym I feel so relaxed but at th Sam whn I thnk abt marriage and my lif a young person I feel desperate... Cz of ths brain fog and excissv blood flow comin down t my penis each tm I start fantszin abt sex withut even touching my penis..

I remind u tht I dn t hav problems with erect or ejaculation.cuz I do. Morning weed every mornin' and my penis get fully erect in full shape but whn it comes t sex stuff I feel lik so crashing down...
 
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