My story

LowKeeKee

LowKeeKee

Fapstronaut
I have a problem with porn, it's taken me years to admit it, even to myself. I always thought that it was just a normal thing to do to just go online watch a few videos, I'd subscribed to and paid for pornstars snapchat accounts, surfed cam sites, and looked up inappropriate photos online almost daily. But I'm in a committed relationship and my partner recently found out about my habits, and this almost completely tore our relationship apart, she is very upset and feels betrayed at my hiding this from her. I had never at the time looked at it as such, but what I have done, and in hiding it, is cheating, it is an infidelity. I find my own actions to be very wrong, I'm ashamed of my addiction and I'm very relieved that my partner stumbled upon this website this evening. I'm looking forward to being a part of this community and I'm willing to accept any and all assistance that it will bring. this is a part of my mind that I am committed to changing so that my relationship can grow and flourish. Please help me
 
I should add that I've obstained from PMO since Friday November 3rd, this was my own choice, and I only found the community today
 
Keenanmoon said:
But I'm in a committed relationship and my partner recently found out about my habits, and this almost completely tore our relationship apart, she is very upset and feels betrayed at my hiding this from her. I had never at the time looked at it as such, but what I have done, and in hiding it, is cheating, it is an infidelity. I find my own actions to be very wrong
Click to expand...

Yep. Me too. I'm 62 years old, married 20 years. I told myself that, since it wasn't with a real woman, it wasn't infidelity. But it has all the effects of infidelity.

Where I work, we have a duck test: if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, acts like a duck, hangs out with other ducks... it's a duck. Sine PMO has all the effects of infidelity (on me, an my wife, on my marriage), it's infidelity.

I promised, in the words of the old Quaker ceremony all those years ago, to be unto my wife a loving and faithful husband, as long as we both shall live. I did not keep my promise. That's why I've been coming to these recovery sites and changing my ways.

Hang in there. Do the next right thing.
 
Welcome to NoFap where you are amongst friends who are here to encourage you and sometimes challenge you but not judge you.

The enemy is here to steal, kill and destroy. What are your current strategies for combating the enemy called PMO?
 
bike-wrench said:
Yep. Me too. I'm 62 years old, married 20 years. I told myself that, since it wasn't with a real woman, it wasn't infidelity. But it has all the effects of infidelity.

Where I work, we have a duck test: if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, acts like a duck, hangs out with other ducks... it's a duck. Sine PMO has all the effects of infidelity (on me, an my wife, on my marriage), it's infidelity.

I promised, in the words of the old Quaker ceremony all those years ago, to be unto my wife a loving and faithful husband, as long as we both shall live. I did not keep my promise. That's why I've been coming to these recovery sites and changing my ways.

Hang in there. Do the next right thing.
Click to expand...
Thank you for sharing
 
D . J . said:
Welcome to NoFap where you are amongst friends who are here to encourage you and sometimes challenge you but not judge you.

The enemy is here to steal, kill and destroy. What are your current strategies for combating the enemy called PMO?
Click to expand...
I've written out an action plan for myself after reading several articles and forum posts last night.
-Maintain an active lifestyle
-Focus on healthy eating
-Commit to a 30 day full PMO reboot
-Drink less alcohol
-Find a new job closer to home (I work in a camp far from home)
-Wein myself off of my deendancy toward Facebook and YouTube for entertainment
-Get a library card and study and practice meditation and mindfulness
-Organzie weekly healthy activities with my partner
-Screens off by 9pm every night
-Read a few books about strengthening relationships that my partner has recommended me
-Help support her in her mental health and help heal the damage I've caused
-Keep detailed daily notes of my thoughts
-Go to regular councilling
-Get a watch so I spend less time looking at my phone
-Write down and say out loud 3-4 things I'm greatful for every day
-Plug in my phone in a different room than the one I sleep in
-support my partner in her career goals and help her follow through with all of them
 
Just starting day 4 of 30, still have a clear mind, haven't had any urges these past 4 days, I've really badly wanted to have sex with my girlfriend a few times, but no urge whatsoever to PM. She and I have been really open with each other about our thoughts and feelings with each other, and I've been staying true to my goals. I've caused a lot of damage between us, but it feels good to be open and to be recovering. I feel strong in my PMO reboot.

There will be moments where we will be out at dinner, or driving around, and she'll notice that I'm really quiet, and she'll worry that I'm upset with her, I never am, they're just my little moments of reflection, which I've told her, and she understands. I feel really bad for all of the pain I've caused her, but endlessly greatful for her love and support.

We're getting through this, one day at a time, because nothing else matters but our strong and happy life
 
We had a pretty decent day today, went and saw a movie and drove around together, we both get quite stressed out by city driving and how annoying parking can be, be we figured it out.

I feel so bad every moment of every day for the destruction that my choices and my PMO problems have caused in my relationship, I've really hurt her and I completely betrayed her trust hiding all of this from her, and then made it all worse when I continually lied about it when she caught me. Things will proynever be the same as they were, but here I am at the end of day 4 of my PMO reboot. Day 8 with no PM. I'm endlessly thankful for the love and support that my girlfriend shows me, I know its hard on her, and I know this is an undesirable world to bring someone into, but I'm trying my hardest to change and be the best I can.

I'm holding true to my action plan still. Keeping my mind in an active and positive space, and doing absolutely everything in my power to support her.
 
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