My story

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Lion777, Dec 17, 2018.

  1. Lion777

    Lion777 Fapstronaut

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    Hello guys,
    This is my first post. Im doing nofap now for i think 1 year. And im now somewhere around day 20-30. I dont count days. I really feel great on nofap. Because it makes my feel clean in body and mind. I was never been very seriously addicted to pmo. But nofap definitely saved me from getting heavy/seriously addicted. So only for that thanks you guys.

    But some things atm. Im 19 years old. Studying for teacher. But my big big passion is BOXING.

    I think i can say boxing saved my life.
    I was a really talented goalkeeper back in the days but a nasty injury cost my soccer carrier. I thought i could never sport again. So with the result i lost al my confidence when i was 13 years old. I think somwhere until 16 years old i did nothing with my life But than i got a girlfriend. And still i had the mindset that i was hurt and could never train again. But i thought fuck that shit i need to defend my girl if we ever face danger. So i started training like a monster start just in my room with push up and sit ups.

    But my life chanced a lot when i bought my first heavy bag. I started doing kickboxing. And later on boxing. Because i like boxing more. I now a kind of soldier war machine.

    But to be true i feel not like it Deep inside. Bacause for example when i relapse. Or most of the time also for no serious reason. I can get depressed as hell.

    (I am bullied heavy 1 years when i was 16, only time in my life. Was totally not used to it. And wasn't able to defend myself at that time)

    Right now im trying to get out of a depressed mood (7days). But i seriously miss my drive and motivation right know.

    Maby sounds weird but sometimes i feel very old. Because always believed i will be a great athlete. And i still believe it. But sometimes that pressure breaks me down. And i know, I should let it go a bit.
    And enjoy life a little bit more. I never drink, smoke or party. And i dont have a lpt of friend anymore. Actually i feel i have zero friends. I have some nice classmate right know. But he dont feels like a real friend friend. Like i had in the past.

    But yeah i get depressed 1 or 2 times a mounth (heavy) and really dont know the reason most of the times. I can go from happiest life ever. To laying down wanting to be dead. In very very short time (3 to 30 minutes)

    And i feel meself vulnerable for a relapse right now. I peaked a bit a youtube to some pictures. And listened to amsr and almost got an orgasm. I really have the feeling im gonna cum. And thats scared the hell out of me. And i feel a massive chaser effect.

    And i have the awful feeling that life is pointless and that only pmo can make my happy right now. And i feel cravings for girls.

    But i know this is my addicted brain not me. BECAUSE I KNOW I WANT TO REBOOT SO BALDY EN BE A FACKING CLEAN SOLDIER FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. BUT MY DEPRESSED MODE MAKES IT HARD RIGHT KNOW. AND I'M NOT GONNA GIVE UP WHAT EVER HAPPEND.
    but this boy can really use some help :)

    And btw. I always skip girls when it getting close fo sex or relationship. to focus on boxing amd holding my mind clean. And yeah that can hurt sometimes.

    im fucking afraid for sex and a relationship. Because i think it can get addicted. Or it will get me of course.
    I dont want to lose my power.
    And yess maby i rely tot much on nofap.

    But yeah that my situation kind of right know.

    Excues for bad grammer English not my main language.

    Like to hear advise from you guy.

    Sorry it got a litte bit long :)
     
    JayYoung likes this.
  2. drac16

    drac16 Fapstronaut

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    Welcome to NoFap. I'm glad you found something that you're passionate about. Being involved in a physical activity like boxing can release something called endorphins. Endorphins are hormones that lift up your mood, so you won't feel depressed. I think you should continue on with boxing; it's something that's healthy for your body and mind. I don't box, but I do work out. Right after I work out, I don't feel a desire to masturbate or view pornography. Maybe that's just my experience.
     
    Romans 6 23 likes this.

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