My Three Problems to Solve

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Extraordinary Bohemian, Oct 13, 2019.

  1. I have been working on personal growth for a little over a year now and it has brought me out of a spiral of negativity that had lasted for years and given me a purpose to do things. You could also say that it brought me to nofap. The more that I worked on my passions that I have always wanted to do, like becoming really good at drawing, or running outside almost everyday, the less I found myself wanting to do porn because it felt so meaningless and I wanted meaningful things in my life.
    I now have three main problems to work on in my life right now.

    Independence: I'm 23 and still live at home with my parents. I don't know the things you would need to live on your own for ex: cooking, how to drive, how to do finances, etc. They weren't at all taught to me by my parents, and my mother seems entirely at ease with the situation and has multiple times said that she would be fine with me staying ...forever. As a 23 year old adult, it definitely feels wrong to me, and a quite unhealthy way of doing things. It's the way of life, isn't it? The kids eventually have to move out and do their own thing. Something in me wonders if I even had the means and knowledge to move out now, if my mother would greatly protest it.

    Income/Career Path: I need to find a way to make income in order to become financially independent. I've never had a job because I had psyched myself out thinking it would be almost impossible to get one without experience or volunteering. I also became terrified of interviews and fearing that I wouldn't be able to answer the questions.
    But now I'm prepared to learn how to do interviews the right way and I'm questioning what I should try doing for work to start this thing off. Perhaps I should start with a minimum wage job that's close to my house and I walk to. Perhaps I could create an online business by selling my art, or learning skills like copywriting to do freelancing online. My personality definitely suits the freelancer lifestyle and I'm prepared to work hard in whatever I decide I'm going to do.

    Personal Connections: I've never had many friends in my life and have always found it really difficult to talk to other people that aren't my family. Recently, I've made a realization that because I was a shy child, people sought to make themselves a buffer between me and the world and talk to other people for me because they saw that I found it difficult. Sadly, because they did that, it was probably a large reason why I was never able to later learn the skills on how to interact and talk to other people.
    I want to make friends that have similar interests to me like anime, Asian Dramas, YouTube, drawing, reading, writing, and video games. And someday I want to have a significant other that I can have a connection with. But none of that can happen until I start learning the skills to talk to and interact with other people.
    The problem I run into here is that I don't really have the chance to practice my skills given that I don't have places to go outside the house without my family other than my walks or runs in the mornings. And so I decided that I would first have to work on independence.

    Basically, I want to get my life together and become the best person that I can be.
  2. Di.Do.555

    Di.Do.555 Fapstronaut

    Good luck mate.
    start with loving yourself unconditionally.
  3. Infrasapiens

    Infrasapiens Fapstronaut

    Hey, you want to do almost all things I would like to do (Except the asian drama). Good luck.
    Di.Do.555 likes this.
  4. lolos

    lolos Fapstronaut

    Yeah a lot of mums don't want there kids to grow up. This will make it harder for you to become independant but you still have to do it.

    -Learn to clean and wash
    -Learn a new recipe every week. Look up shit on youtube for basic cooking skills like using a knife. Buy a cookbook for students or something, there will be a lot of easy recipes in there.
    -Ask your parents to teach you drive
    -Basically try and a certain percentage of your income, start small like 15-20%. Develop a budget for your weekly or monthly expenses, include stuff like food, rent, electricty water and gas, phone and interenet, petrol, insurance, and set some aside for hobbys/fun. Set aside 3 months of expenses as a backup in case something happens and you can't work. If you want more info on finances read the barefoot investor. This is the basic shit, once you have this you can learn investing and other stuff.

    This is the basic shit you need for living on your own, the driving isn't essential. You will learn most of it as you go, a lot of it is very simple. Also most people have no idea what the fuck they are doing in life, they are just trying to make it look like they have it together. If I could move out at 17, you can at 23.

    Just get a shitty job. Nothing is beneath you if you haven't had a job before, don't think you are too good for any jobs. Everyone starts out with a shit job and works there way up. Do some volunteering so you at least have something to put on your resume. Practice interview questions with your mum or film yourself, look up good answers and make sure you sit up straight, look people in the eye, shake their hand etc just basic shit. Tell people you have never had a job before but you are willing to work hard, you can even do a shift for free to prove yourself. If you can't get any interviews just go to the shittest local buisness, ask to speak to the owner and tell him you want a job.
    Master Chips likes this.
  5. Start step by step, about independence, you are right, but if it is just fine to stay, then prepare yourself to be independent first; support your family and learn basic things you want to learn, then move. It depends on the perspective, in the eastern culture, shifting from home is not the main factor of independence, but to work and having responsibility, but I get you.

    About work, start small and by time grow up, you can find everything on internet from learning skills and tips for work. Also you will find a community for every passion you have on internet :)

    By time you will have more connections Offline and Online, just keep going and don't consider it a problem.

    Best wishes !
    Coffee Candy and Anonymous86 like this.
  6. I wish all the good luck in world for you.
  7. fredisthebes

    fredisthebes Fapstronaut

    Agree with get a job (any job). Not too crazy hours, so you have a chance to do the courses and work on your own business ideas etc. But you will learn useful skills working, become better at interacting with people that you wouldn't necessarily choose to hang out with, etc. So I would definitely do both initially.

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