My wife left me

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by li_89_am, Apr 19, 2020.

  1. li_89_am

    li_89_am Fapstronaut

    26
    21
    3
    Hi.

    My wife left me for another man. It isn't porn-related, she just doesn't love me anymore.

    It's been 3 weeks now and I've managed to find ways of meditating and relaxing sometimes - i've been running at least 3 miles daily, doing wim hof breathing and cold showers, cooking nice things for myself.

    However, I still find myself masturbating to porn, being tempted to eat crap food or drink too much coffee. How do people stop those temptations when they appear? Do people have tips on other everyday ways to improve self?
     
  2. Those are great things to do for yourself and running 3 miles a day thats something . I myself exercise and read self help books like NO MORE NICE GUY BY DR ROBERT GLOVER that book really helped me see things i was blind to. Temptations happen someones you give in sometimes you dont its all about not letting a slip up turn into a deep slide .
     
    Metis07, li_89_am and SirWanksalot like this.
  3. fredisthebes

    fredisthebes Fapstronaut

    1,077
    1,440
    143
    Shit that's terrible, sorry to hear this. Glad that you are looking after yourself, mentally and physically. Three weeks is quite early days though, so be prepared for it to get worse before it gets better.

    Connecting with friends can be really important during this time, are you still allowed to get out and about? or are you stuck indoors like me? I have scheduled a regular Sunday evening catch-up with a couple of friends via Zoom. You might not necessarily want to 'talk things through' right now, but just hanging out and reminding yourself of the world outside of your head will be beneficial.

    I also recommend putting some dates in your diary, plan anything - day trips, holidays, meals out with friends, a 10K or half-marathon, film night, anything - as the feeling of every day being the same can really drag you down. Having something to look forward to can help you focus.
     
  4. JasonMamoa

    JasonMamoa Fapstronaut

    60
    234
    33
    PMO is just an effect the root cause of your problem is something else. We all are mediating our pain through this drug. Find the cause and you will find the answer to your problem.
     
    Deleted Account and li_89_am like this.
  5. ReclaimedLife

    ReclaimedLife Fapstronaut

    554
    996
    93
    Before you jump into anything that stops you from dealing with the obvious question...

    Do you know WHY she left you? Why another man was even able to attract her?
    Wouldn't it be a good idea trying to figure this out at the beginning, before this issue repeats itself with the next girl that comes along?

    I would highly suggest you read "the rational male" by Rollo Tomassi. Probably gives you a lot of answers you didn't know you need
     
    Hros and li_89_am like this.
  6. SirWanksalot

    SirWanksalot Fapstronaut

    158
    280
    63
    What you are doing is already good @li_89_am just keep going, work through whatever comes up, take time to learn, reflect and grow as some other guys suggested and get better at what you are already doing.
    Especially the meditation. That's a HUGE one and helped me more than anything in my life.
    So keep doing what you are doing, keep honing your skills at those things (especially meditation) and you'll get out eventually.
    Hope that helps a bit.
     
    li_89_am likes this.
  7. li_89_am

    li_89_am Fapstronaut

    26
    21
    3
    Thanks guys, some great suggestions there.

    I will definitely look into those reading recommendations.

    I have a great support network and am working. Support from my colleagues has been amazing.
     
  8. Tombrady234567

    Tombrady234567 Fapstronaut

    40
    51
    18
    I can only thank you for sharing and let you know that I feel your pain. Sorry to hear that you had to go through this. And you will emerge on the other side, just take it one day at a time. If you ever feel alone or despair, never hesitate to reach out and we will be here for you, mate. Stay strong!
     
  9. Its great that you are turning to doing positive things in your life, however many people think you have to stop or avoid temptations once they appear. Its completely wrong approach, imo.
    Why ? Its very more likely that you are about to relapse once you try to fight off the temptation, what you need to practice is to create an awareness where meditation helps, with awareness you would be aware of temptations once they come, another thing you need to do is to be patient and observe your urges, let the temptations do their dance, breathe deeply and slowly and then focus on doing something else, while you do your best to stay in the present moment.
     
    SirWanksalot and Deleted Account like this.
  10. SirWanksalot

    SirWanksalot Fapstronaut

    158
    280
    63
    Exactly. Thanks for spreading the awareness. I hope more and more people in the community realize that and drop the "fight the urge with everything you've got!!!!!"-mentality. And instead learn to "fight the urge" the right way which actually frees you.
     
    need4realchg likes this.
  11. This works.

    I am sorry, I hope you find the strength to overcome her.
     
  12. embodiment of luck

    embodiment of luck Fapstronaut

    33
    82
    18
    Did you have children when you got divorced, is this first marriage for you two?
     
  13. Di.Do.555

    Di.Do.555 Fapstronaut

    667
    3,379
    123
    Bro you are doing very well compared to 90% of men in such circumstances.
    Take your time to process it.
    Believe me when i tell you and i am talking from experience , divorce is gonna be the single best thing that ever happened to you.
    It will break the old you only to build a better you.
     
  14. SirWanksalot

    SirWanksalot Fapstronaut

    158
    280
    63
    Damn, well said. And now I am curious about your story^^
    Do you mind telling us a bit?
     
    Di.Do.555 likes this.
  15. Di.Do.555

    Di.Do.555 Fapstronaut

    667
    3,379
    123
    It was extremely painful but looking back i think it was the best thing that ever happened to me. The first year i cried.
    The second year i started to wake up ( joined nofap)
    I am in the third year now.
    My life has improved on every level.
    Even physically ppl who see me compliment me.
    One person who is my ex's cousin saw me in the supermarket and he said " man , you look great now, how did you do it?".
    I am truly happier fitter sexier and much more confident.
    I sold myself too short in marrying my ex.

    It is such a great feeling that my next wife is gonna be a great match to my new me.
     
    SirWanksalot likes this.
  16. SirWanksalot

    SirWanksalot Fapstronaut

    158
    280
    63
    Good to hear. Wishing you the best and lots of strength for all the things to come.
     
    Di.Do.555 likes this.

Share This Page