Navigating Life's Challenges: My Journey and Reflections.

https://imgur.com/gallery/H9J8Eky
Parents our universe.
.....
Tue 6 Aug
My life's best ever quote I read :

NOTHING IN LIFE IS TO BE FEARED. IT IS ONLY TO BE UNDERSTOOD.
-Marie Curie
​
Instead of any other effort, saw register so started to write over it about how helpless I'm feeling at evening, after wasting hours procrastinating over YouTube and waking up whole night. I was behaving like an addict.
But when mobile got away, i slept and then attended night classes got into senses.
ChatGPT helped me figure out a 15min action to start something, will act upon it.

Truth is, it is Me persuading and caring Myself. Writing is just a medium in-between.

Sometimes a decision made within 5 minutes changes alot.
Worldly studies demands alot of attention and work.
Father talked about going to a city far away but I don't feel like it because my wish was to travel with mother.
Power of brain :
I just wrote down on register and that briain fog or unrestful feeling that was supposed to last for hours more was rectified. I was able to see the path around. First there was darkness and then it got enlightened by means of just a pen and a page! So, can I say, I am the Light I'm finding in the universe to approach to Or expecting it to approach me? Myself can tell me alot and people I will find in life will help me... yes they just help us figure out how may we understand and find our best version, as a man!
_______​

Struggle is a must and Journey is demands alot of patience.
May I find a reason and a dream to live for. May I see my purpose in every thing I observe in this world. The flowers, Moon, Sky, Trees, Mountains, Clouds, Books, River, Sea and much beyond!
May, I discover my true self somehow.
May Allah allow me to play a purposeful role in this world.
May my ancestors who have passed away be forgiven by the mercy and bounty of Allah Almighty. And my Mother as well.
.......
الحمداللہ for every thing.
Every moment is a blessing and I'm surrounded by immense opportunities for growth and learning.
I just need to acquire it, somehow. Hmm...

Recovery!
I think the beauty of recovery is in remembering it as less as we can because it is not a decent think from any side! Ahh... not at all. But yes, we are meant to develop tolerance! Aaaa accept it! Accept it! Oh, man accept it! Anyhow. May Allah grant me Hidayat. آمین
MAY I travel alot!

Read a quote, If Why is clear then How would be clear as well.
Get some knowledge, value, capability and making a valuable time out of life. That's all.

Wanna talk about Flowers, Ahh... useless.
To its purpose, everything is extraordinarily fine in its creation. سبحان اللہ
Ahh what Im doing, wanna digest some... aaa... like unjustified insecurities or deprivation in life.
But, I try surrender what heart doesn't!
Anyhow...
Life is Short! Time is passing quickly.
...
Problem to solve!
Stop myself from procrastinating once I initiate it!
Waking Up for whole Nights!
​
 
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:emoji_red_circle:
Dated : Thu, 8 Aug
I am relapsing again and again. Now, feeling like vomiting! Ahh
What is happening? I am unable against my own mind decisions. I feel as if I'm mentally ill, like a real ailment.
I am standing where I was before.
May be, I am destined to be this way. Or I need some considerations out of it.
I was looking for a friend a few days agonto go ot somewhere but Im very bad at it.
I am unable to control this behaviour at times.
Ahh... I'm feeling down. I'm feeling anxious. I will vomit may be. Ahh... coffee! It is because of that may be.

What I may have learned out of it?

Restrictions we Impose on ourselves mentally to keep tolerance define our sub-conciously behaviour alot. I broke one.

Sleeping lefts me with less control our me and mostly me relapse.

Course of Action :

Quran.
Writing down more.
Mistakes.

What to do? Hmm... going out somewhere this night if I escape Night classes.
.
.
Not feeling like gym, Studies, Night classes, facing people, making any kind of interaction.
استغفراللہ May Allah forgive me.

Woman!!!!!!! :emoji_rage:
Life has been destroyed and devastated because of juat one word... Aaaaa.... Woman.
Lust...
Thoughts...
Hell! Hell! Hell!

:emoji_cry:

How helpless!
How much mentally ill and disturbed!
How much affected!
Alas...
This world:emoji_expressionless:
And my character... has been devastated...devastated! by my own self.
Death is better than this life!
Hopelessness had to be a limit.
Helplessness is something I deserve and is resultantly inevitable!

For how long!?!? Hmm? For how long? Remember the days when we weren't even aware of what is maturity and now where you are standing. Hmm?? Oh dumb, I'm to you! Reconsider your decisions. Or be wiped out of history Altogether! No one will ever know we are but we will be with something we make our initiative for. Ahh...

This is my mind not even working to put solutions. Rather feeling to procastinate more and more.

Some times... when alone
Make decisions... with some hope.
Little by little but... with full belief
One day we will be out of this scope


Struggle forEver!
 
Thur, 8 Aug
"I passed the previous semester's exams "​
Exams I took without her presence.
​
To whom to tell now.... on this vast Earth.

Look at this life.
Always found myself trapped somewhere in the Life.

الموت حق​
Life is so small, so fragile.
So unpredictable, so full of wishes and desires.
But must leave the body despaired one day.
To whom I tell this?!?!
For whom do I study now?
....
الحمد لله على كل حال، وعلى جميع الإحسانات، وعلى كل خطوة من خطوات مساعدة الله، وعلى كل نفس​
 
A sad Heart.
A sad time.
Many complaints in the heart.
Much comparison with the successful people around on social media.
A very sad and bad record of bad habits, PMO and laziness, lack of seriousness and resultant failures.
Aaaaaaaaah... the heart is compressing like a weight over it.
I am such a loser and strange-minded person. I don't think clearly. Either I feel too relaxed and non-serious or at times get too anxious and depressed.
This state of mind has made it difficult to focus on anything. Rather I'm comparing and doubting myself. Fear is spread over my heart. A strange insecurity and stress of what my life is all about?
There is no one in life to whom I may talk with. To whom I tell and listen. I am very much confused about who I am. I am to do?
( Just attended a phone call and felt like I came back into reality ).
I don't live in reality. I assume most of the time, what is beyond the parameters of possibilities, time limits etc, and this sort of perfectionism gives set backs.

But I think, happiness is never about mere achievements. Hard things getting done and if we wait this way, we will not be able to get normal ever. Like, I am strange. I always felt stress or maybe It is my doubt. Or things are this way for every person.
Ahh... Oh heart and wishes/expectations. What a combo it is!
I couldn't sleep as well. But last night slept on time. It was good to be this way.
Sigh
I don't know what it is all about. Is It my lack of productivity, lack of seriousness, remembering old, unmet ambitions or what it is? Either a lack of confidence in myself or sub-conciously some other reasons.

But, i learned one thing and it is surely very important to know that, if there comes an ambition, not just it makes us do more hard work but also makes us feel disconnected from desires and distractions like I got into a state for three months back then in 2021.
Yes, it is true... some ambitions makes us suffer as well if not met. Feels like insecurities.

Apart from all of that i think there is something very beautiful and charming that i lack around me for 4 months.
I can't say. I need to be stronger in order to live fully. Or I need some considerations to help myself return back towards my normal self.
Heart is a very strange, very strange.
The one that makes the whole body suffer if it gets upset somehow!

But I am also thankful for alot of things.
This is Life.

 
Tue, 3 Sept { Ambition Vs Fear }
Another day in life. Calmness means an upcoming disaster. It is month of exams. I wanna talk about ambition vs fear. But, just to feel it. For the whole life where we just postpone alot of our goals and tasks just because of a kind of Fear. And, some people ignore distractions out of ambitions they have in life. They talk to themselves and become friends of their own.
I am very confused with the fact but yes it's true people kept on sleeping for very long time ( living without ambition ). Any ambition that cab be. But all of a sudden sometimes some of then may get one in life.
They think may be they are having a task at hand to become someone else, marking a difference.
Ahh... what to say more? There is nothing in life to stress about. I think successful people do not bother to be anxious rather to be ambitious. Wish Vs Fear, is something else. To walk the path with a creative mindset, enjoying mindfulness and having everything under observation and control. If life knocks to demand more then simply check it out either we are in for it or not.
What to say?
What to add?
I saw a dream but couldn't live it.
I was just not there, consciously and reasonably. Lost in mind, thoughts and fears. Own realities and assumptions. Better time don't come, we have to make it appropriate around us to live to the fullest. Even if we just want to drain some stress, complaints, unfulfilled wishes etc., all can be done by means of having good ties with our ownselves and our routine.
I don't know what has just happened to me. I am unable to resist the unrestful feeling of discomfort in my chest, above my heart. I never felt this way ever. Never ever. I wish if I had felt this way before but yes, life is dynamic.
Quran recitation.
Tafseer.
Reconsider the day.
Then it's a class test today.
Home back.
Noon and after noon.
Asr
Exerxise a bit.
Night time course and it's exam or just next days exam prep.
Finish the day.
 
Time and ambition.

If a person finds time and ambition side by side he will do something valuable enough to let himself or herself not to be distracted or influenced by the distractions and usual pleasures.
Reality of life is painful and things are hard. Chances of getting accepted are less and rejected are high. This is the truth. It is better to be slapped by the truth than to be kissed by a lie.
In order to bring what we want and long for we must do things that do not necessarily amuse us or bring joy to us. This is truth. I'm myself not so much hardworking or mindful of my duties and tasks but yes, five times a day, a prayer is compulsory, why do we wander at that time somewhere else. Recitation and Dhikr is there to be done, why do we do overthinking?

Learning from people is easy but accepting the truth and let the change in overselves accordingly is a bitter to do thing at times.

Long term is always better than short term. So simple so logical.

Yes, truth of life is sad. We find it sad and heart-broken at times but it is worth having a sympathy for ourselves. And, let the fire inside burn our weaknesses and laziness and sleep of oblivion.

Reality is bitter. Fear is good if it is from truth. And if it is from taking an action to rectify the problem, it is surely wrong.

Let us grow. Let us be mindful of what good we can perceive from life. What good is there for us if it is just about letting our lust and desireful mind taking control over again and again and ceasing the process of perceiving The colors, voices, emotions, eyes, nature, responsibilities, sacrifices and the best life can offer us apart from just being damaged by the suffering/relapses? (It is clear what I'm talking about.)

This is Life!
Be strong!
Be logical.
 
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7:00 PM
"Cure for pain is in the pain."
-Rumi​
It was a week of exams, one at 9 AM and one at 9 PM the same day.

An experience/More than a feeling: Sometimes we also make Dua ask for a blessing from Allah but sometimes we try for it and still fail to do it accordingly and instead of getting anxious we just go for a walk in the nearby park or area with many trees and "flowers" ( Flowers from botany -> :emoji_rose: ). And literally the more you are walking and walking, may be night time or early morning or evening and you feel calmness and control over yourself. That feeling that yes, Something new! Like, I didn't choose the same patterns but a healthy one to go out.

12:48 AM

"She wasn't doing a thing that I could see, except standing there leaning on the balcony railing, holding the universe together."
J. D. Salinger,
"A Girl I Knew"​
I am taking a course on government program about writing. And I came to know about this book. I will read it! Don't know how to say... Like, instead of talking to opposite gender, one can read such stuff. I also GPTed it and it is not about close relationship but distant know-how and their nostalgic departure as the WW2 calls for men to fight. So, that is the end, showing how war affected individual lives. :emoji_tulip: Alas... sad but decent as well.
Why Im writing it in Self Improvemnt?
Anyhow...

About Life:
I think it is all about ambition. When we want to do something and we work a bit. It makes the difference. Listening to successful people helps alot. You resonate and become the fifty successful/ambitious person in four of them.

Exams: Are exam a challenge? Or a bet? Or a Risk? Or a joke? Or a chance to study a bit?
Whatever it is, it is! Yaar.

Streak:
Is good. I've divided the various patterns which used to be together and will to to not submerge them (a new way to look at it) and it is going on both sides. But,
Yes I needed external help so, a heard an Indian Doctor over YouTube, she inspired me. She became a doctor (cracking NEET), got into teaching over Unacademy and then published her book, got successful over InstaGram and YouTube making about half million and One million subscribers over there, respectively. And she has taught 15000 student with her paid teaching course. Also did her MBBS. Like, it is next level of believe and fruit a person gets from being a middle class family, she cracks an exam to get into Medicine and then don't see behind. AWESOME!
She is also an early bird. No surprise because I know, it works. Anyhow, May I become better as well in one way or another. آمین
So, motivated me. I am Not thinking about streak... streak... streak wr shouldn't after we have made a momentum. But, we should focus on relation with out parents, our wake-up sleep schedule. Goals and wishes, Exercise, diet, health, mental health, skull development to earn something to get independent. If a student then just study that matters. One thing at a time.

That woman talked about her Mobile usage and advised it to her students: She said, use mobile infront of your family. And do entertainment for
Half an hour at the end of the day, after all work is done :), I was like, What?!?!?! How? I take an hour to just write a journal!
Anyhow, that's about some inspiration from outside the circle, zone.
Nowadays what people are doing and how they do, is approachable this way.

Some reflections: Time is not stopping and things are happening unpredictable. We need mentors. We need people who may inspire us or guide us. Because no one guide anyone. One must know by himself what to do and where to go. So, life is very dynamic indeed. I missed my mother today again. Like, what has just happened, I can't believe. And, I get nack home at first and I see an empty house. From tomorrow on there are post exam holidays, so I will be at home and i can't say how much painful it'd be. I don't think I should let it that much down. I must accept the reality etc.
Life is strange.
Life is unpredictable and an accumulation of memories. I can't go back to travel with mother.
I can't hold her hand again. I can't and don't even in a dream with these sinful eyes. May, i find myself engaged in some activity that I may forget all of this. Somehow, I get to a place where work is in such a way to make mind busy. And just, that's it all I want.
 
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Very Disappointed with Internet algorithm:
I opened an old tab with a picture of an enthusiastic man standing below the sky, looking upwards, arms raised and much motivated. Titled, how to stay motivated all the time.

I scrolled it as there was irrelevant material as well, on the page. And suddenly an inappropriate, inhumane, immoral, indecent, unethical and vulgar sort of ad appeared on the screen and burned every emotion inside me. The more i was resisisting that lust, the more i was burning from inside. I just helped myself sleep somehow after having a little bit of reading.
But, the problem is, whenever, i see a woman in such inappropriate clothes and vulgar condition i can't help forget the scene. It stuck in the brain. Even if i forget it completely, it stays up there.
Either i relapse or much worse than that.

What I can do:
I just mentioned what it is for me right now. It must change with the passage of time. Like, the destroyer of my peace of mind, patterned thoughts, discipline, inspiration, motivation and hope.
Anyways, sad but a problem worth solving:

  1. I need something that is more stronger than the lust that flows through my Blood.
  2. I opt to wake-Up as soon as possible if I relapse, afterall.
  3. I must get used to towards not being thoughtful towards woman and relevant. Like, i have to get disconnected with this emotion.
Solution for point #1:
Dhikr!

Reference:

(Parah: 21, Surah: 29, Verse No: 45)
اتْلُ مَا أُوحِيَ إِلَيْكَ مِنَ الْكِتَبِ وَأَقِمِ الصَّلُوةَ إِنَّ الصَّلُوةَ تَنْهَى عَنِ الْفَحْشَاءِ وَالْمُنْكَرِ وَلَذِكْرُ اللهِ أَكْبَرُ وَاللَّهُ يَعْلَمُ مَا تَصْنَعُوْنَ (45)
O Beloved, recite the Book which has been revealed to you and establish Salah; indeed, Salah stops indecency and evil. And indeed, the remembrance of Allah is the greatest, and Allah knows what you do.
[القرآن]

May I become a an action takers, a practical person by the bounty of Allah Almighty.


Solution for point#2:
Setting an alarm and staying conscious about waking-Up and time I need in-between.


Solution for point#3:
I think, i don't know how to do that... I don't...
Or maybe talk about it with a religious scholars.
(* I don't believe in psychiatrist or If i met one in my life I will blow him up).

_______
JIHAD!
​
[ Jihad: the spiritual struggle within oneself against sin.
noun: greater jihad; plural noun: greater jihads; ]
 
[والدہ مرحومہ کی یاد میں]

ذرہ ذرہ دہر کا زندانیٔ تقدیر ہے
پردۂ مجبوری و بے چارگی تدبیر ہے

آسماں مجبور ہے شمس و قمر مجبور ہیں
انجم سیماب پا رفتار پر مجبور ہیں

ہے شکست انجام غنچے کا سبو گلزار میں
سبزہ و گل بھی ہیں مجبور نمو گلزار میں

نغمۂ بلبل ہو یا آواز خاموش ضمیر
ہے اسی زنجیر عالمگیر میں ہر شے اسیر

آنکھ پر ہوتا ہے جب یہ سر مجبوری عیاں
خشک ہو جاتا ہے دل میں اشک کا سیل رواں

قلب انسانی میں رقص عیش و غم رہتا نہیں
نغمہ رہ جاتا ہے لطف زیر و بم رہتا نہیں

علم و حکمت رہزن سامان اشک و آہ ہے
یعنی اک الماس کا ٹکڑا دل آگاہ ہے

گرچہ میرے باغ میں شبنم کی شادابی نہیں
آنکھ میری مایہ دار اشک عنابی نہیں

جانتا ہوں آہ میں آلام انسانی کا راز
ہے نوائے شکوہ سے خالی مری فطرت کا ساز

میرے لب پر قصۂ نیرنگی دوراں نہیں
دل مرا حیراں نہیں خندہ نہیں گریاں نہیں

پر تری تصویر قاصد گریۂ پیہم کی ہے
آہ یہ تردید میری حکمت محکم کی ہے

گریۂ سرشار سے بنیاد جاں پایندہ ہے
درد کے عرفاں سے عقل سنگدل شرمندہ ہے

موج دود آہ سے آئینہ ہے روشن مرا
گنج آب آورد سے معمور ہے دامن مرا

حیرتی ہوں میں تری تصویر کے اعجاز کا
رخ بدل ڈالا ہے جس نے وقت کی پرواز کا

رفتہ و حاضر کو گویا پا بہ پا اس نے کیا
عہد طفلی سے مجھے پھر آشنا اس نے کیا

جب ترے دامن میں پلتی تھی وہ جان ناتواں
بات سے اچھی طرح محرم نہ تھی جس کی زباں

اور اب چرچے ہیں جس کی شوخئ گفتار کے
بے بہا موتی ہیں جس کی چشم گوہر بار کے

علم کی سنجیدہ گفتاری بڑھاپے کا شعور
دنیوی اعزاز کی شوکت جوانی کا غرور

زندگی کی اوج گاہوں سے اتر آتے ہیں ہم
صحبت مادر میں طفل سادہ رہ جاتے ہیں ہم

بے تکلف خندہ زن ہیں فکر سے آزاد ہیں
پھر اسی کھوئے ہوئے فردوس میں آباد ہیں

کس کو اب ہوگا وطن میں آہ میرا انتظار
کون میرا خط نہ آنے سے رہے گا بے قرار

خاک مرقد پر تری لے کر یہ فریاد آؤں گا
اب دعائے نیم شب میں کس کو میں یاد آؤں گا

تربیت سے تیری میں انجم کا ہم قسمت ہوا
گھر مرے اجداد کا سرمایۂ عزت ہوا

دفتر ہستی میں تھی زریں ورق تیری حیات
تھی سراپا دین و دنیا کا سبق تیری حیات

عمر بھر تیری محبت میری خدمت گر رہی
میں تری خدمت کے قابل جب ہوا تو چل بسی

وہ جواں قامت میں ہے جو صورت سرو بلند
تیری خدمت سے ہوا جو مجھ سے بڑھ کر بہرہ مند

کاروبار زندگانی میں وہ ہم پہلو مرا
وہ محبت میں تری تصویر وہ بازو مرا

تجھ کو مثل طفلک بے دست و پا روتا ہے وہ
صبر سے نا آشنا صبح و مسا روتا ہے وہ

تخم جس کا تو ہماری کشت جاں میں بو گئی
شرکت غم سے وہ الفت اور محکم ہو گئی

آہ یہ دنیا یہ ماتم خانۂ برنا و پیر
آدمی ہے کس طلسم دوش و فردا میں اسیر

کتنی مشکل زندگی ہے کس قدر آساں ہے موت
گلشن ہستی میں مانند نسیم ارزاں ہے موت

زلزلے ہیں بجلیاں ہیں قحط ہیں آلام ہیں
کیسی کیسی دختران مادر ایام ہیں

کلبۂ افلاس میں دولت کے کاشانے میں موت
دشت و در میں شہر میں گلشن میں ویرانے میں موت

موت ہے ہنگامہ آرا قلزم خاموش میں
ڈوب جاتے ہیں سفینے موج کی آغوش میں

نے مجال شکوہ ہے نے طاقت گفتار ہے
زندگانی کیا ہے اک طوق گلو افشار ہے

قافلے میں غیر فریاد درا کچھ بھی نہیں
اک متاع دیدۂ تر کے سوا کچھ بھی نہیں

ختم ہو جائے گا لیکن امتحاں کا دور بھی
ہیں پس نہ پردۂ گردوں ابھی دور اور بھی

سینہ چاک اس گلستاں میں لالہ و گل ہیں تو کیا
نالہ و فریاد پر مجبور بلبل ہیں تو کیا

جھاڑیاں جن کے قفس میں قید ہے آہ خزاں
سبز کر دے گی انہیں باد بہار جاوداں

خفتہ خاک پے سپر میں ہے شرار اپنا تو کیا
عارضی محمل ہے یہ مشت غبار اپنا تو کیا

زندگی کی آگ کا انجام خاکستر نہیں
ٹوٹنا جس کا مقدر ہو یہ وہ گوہر نہیں

زندگی محبوب ایسی دیدۂ قدرت میں ہے
ذوق حفظ زندگی ہر چیز کی فطرت میں ہے

موت کے ہاتھوں سے مٹ سکتا اگر نقش حیات
عام یوں اس کو نہ کر دیتا نظام کائنات

ہے اگر ارزاں تو یہ سمجھو اجل کچھ بھی نہیں
جس طرح سونے سے جینے میں خلل کچھ بھی نہیں

آہ غافل موت کا راز نہاں کچھ اور ہے
نقش کی ناپائیداری سے عیاں کچھ اور ہے

جنت نظارہ ہے نقش ہوا بالائے آب
موج مضطر توڑ کر تعمیر کرتی ہے حباب

موج کے دامن میں پھر اس کو چھپا دیتی ہے یہ
کتنی بے دردی سے نقش اپنا مٹا دیتی ہے یہ

پھر نہ کر سکتی حباب اپنا اگر پیدا ہوا
توڑنے میں اس کے یوں ہوتی نہ بے پروا ہوا

اس روش کا کیا اثر ہے ہیئت تعمیر پر
یہ تو حجت ہے ہوا کی قوت تعمیر پر

فطرت ہستی شہید آرزو رہتی نہ ہو
خوب تر پیکر کی اس کو جستجو رہتی نہ ہو

آہ سیماب پریشاں انجم گردوں فروز
شوخ یہ چنگاریاں ممنون شب ہے جن کا سوز

عقل جس سے سر بہ زانو ہے وہ مدت ان کی ہے
سر گزشت نوع انساں ایک ساعت ان کی ہے

پھر یہ انساں آں سوئے افلاک ہے جس کی نظر
قدسیوں سے بھی مقاصد میں ہے جو پاکیزہ تر

جو مثال شمع روشن محفل قدرت میں ہے
آسماں اک نقطہ جس کی وسعت فطرت میں ہے

جس کی نادانی صداقت کے لیے بیتاب ہے
جس کا ناخن ساز ہستی کے لیے مضراب ہے

شعلہ یہ کم تر ہے گردوں کے شراروں سے بھی کیا
کم بہا ہے آفتاب اپنا ستاروں سے بھی کیا

تخم گل کی آنکھ زیر خاک بھی بے خواب ہے
کس قدر نشوونما کے واسطے بیتاب ہے

زندگی کا شعلہ اس دانے میں جو مستور ہے
خود نمائی خود فزائی کے لیے مجبور ہے

سردی مرقد سے بھی افسردہ ہو سکتا نہیں
خاک میں دب کر بھی اپنا سوز کھو سکتا نہیں

پھول بن کر اپنی تربت سے نکل آتا ہے یہ
موت سے گویا قبائے زندگی پاتا ہے یہ

ہے لحد اس قوت آشفتہ کی شیرازہ بند
ڈالتی ہے گردن گردوں میں جو اپنی کمند

موت تجدید مذاق زندگی کا نام ہے
خواب کے پردے میں بیداری کا اک پیغام ہے

خوگر پرواز کو پرواز میں ڈر کچھ نہیں
موت اس گلشن میں جز سنجیدن پر کچھ نہیں

کہتے ہیں اہل جہاں درد اجل ہے لا دوا
زخم فرقت وقت کے مرہم سے پاتا ہے شفا

دل مگر غم مرنے والوں کا جہاں آباد ہے
حلقۂ زنجیر صبح و شام سے آزاد ہے

وقت کے افسوں سے تھمتا نالۂ ماتم نہیں
وقت زخم تیغ فرقت کا کوئی مرہم نہیں

سر پہ آ جاتی ہے جب کوئی مصیبت ناگہاں
اشک پیہم دیدۂ انساں سے ہوتے ہیں رواں

ربط ہو جاتا ہے دل کو نالہ و فریاد سے
خون دل بہتا ہے آنکھوں کی سرشک آباد سے

آدمی تاب شکیبائی سے گو محروم ہے
اس کی فطرت میں یہ اک احساس نامعلوم ہے

جوہر انساں عدم سے آشنا ہوتا نہیں
آنکھ سے غائب تو ہوتا ہے فنا ہوتا نہیں

رخت ہستی خاک غم کی شعلہ افشانی سے ہے
سرد یہ آگ اس لطیف احساس کے پانی سے ہے

آہ یہ ضبط فغاں غفلت کی خاموشی نہیں
آگہی ہے یہ دلاسائی فراموشی نہیں

پردۂ مشرق سے جس دم جلوہ گر ہوتی ہے صبح
داغ شب کا دامن آفاق سے دھوتی ہے صبح

لالۂ افسردہ کو آتش قبا کرتی ہے یہ
بے زباں طائر کو سرمست نوا کرتی ہے یہ

سینۂ بلبل کے زنداں سے سرود آزاد ہے
سیکڑوں نغموں سے باد صبح دم آباد ہے

خفتہ گان لالہ زار و کوہسار و رود بار
ہوتے ہیں آخر عروس زندگی سے ہمکنار

یہ اگر آئین ہستی ہے کہ ہو ہر شام صبح
مرقد انساں کی شب کا کیوں نہ ہو انجام صبح

دام سیمین تخیل ہے مرا آفاق گیر
کر لیا ہے جس سے تیری یاد کو میں نے اسیر

یاد سے تیری دل درد آشنا معمور ہے
جیسے کعبے میں دعاؤں سے فضا معمور ہے

وہ فرائض کا تسلسل نام ہے جس کا حیات
جلوہ گاہیں اس کی ہیں لاکھوں جہان بے ثبات

مختلف ہر منزل ہستی کو رسم و راہ ہے
آخرت بھی زندگی کی ایک جولاں گاہ ہے

ہے وہاں بے حاصلی کشت اجل کے واسطے
سازگار آب و ہوا تخم عمل کے واسطے

نور فطرت ظلمت پیکر کا زندانی نہیں
تنگ ایسا حلقۂ افکار انسانی نہیں

زندگانی تھی تری مہتاب سے تابندہ تر
خوب تر تھا صبح کے تارے سے بھی تیرا سفر

مثل ایوان سحر مرقد فروزاں ہو ترا
نور سے معمور یہ خاکی شبستاں ہو ترا

آسماں تیری لحد پر شبنم افشانی کرے
سبزۂ نورستہ اس گھر کی نگہبانی کرے

[ڈاکٹر اقبال]​
Fri, 13 Sep​
 
[Tue, 24 Sept]
[Time Game + Mindfulness + Modesty]
(Needed at this time when I have no control over digital devices.)

4:42 PM:
Lying with mobile phone, totally lazy, behaving like a dumb — i.e., not able to figure out what to do. How do I start work? How do I stop using my mobile phone and engaging in mindless amusement?
Task: Asr prayer at 4:45… (It's time to go...)

---

[11:12 AM - 25th of Sept 2024]

[Alone.]
{So, cravings.}
_Emptiness._
Thanks to the fact that I didn’t start the day with mobile (since it was dead last night). So, I had to charge it, and I spent the initial hours of today without using the phone.

---

<[About Day 4]>^
Slept because I didn’t feel like studying. As I woke up, [temptations] and [emptiness]. I don’t know, but I felt like relapsing.
{But I tried to resist.}
I reminded myself to stay mindful, and for the first time ever, I asked myself, "What else can I do to eliminate the emptiness?"
(One shouldn’t always gravitate toward what has been declared a sin — it's harmful, obviously.)
So, I can channel my efforts toward something better.

I remembered how _The Power of Habit_ describes eliminating addiction. It talked about replacing harmful habits with other actions that still give a dopamine boost.
So, mindfulness helped me stay away from bad habits, along with setting a target:
> I decided to stay sober for more days.
(Target setting also helped!)

---

[For further assistance – A Schedule]:
[11:45 AM – 12:45 PM]:
Golden hour (work)
[12:45 PM – 3:00 PM]: Zuhr prayer, Lunch, and Free time
[From Zuhr to Asr]: Task 1 (TBD)
[From Asr to Maghrib]: Pray for Walida, check with a friend (on work), or watch a video about a skill I’m curious about… (WOW.)
[Maghrib to Isha]: Prepare for and attend night classes
[Isha to 10:30 PM]: Night classes
[10:30 PM to Fajr]: Sleepiness.

---

[11:40 AM]
[Golden hour is about to start. Got to leave the mobile.]
-----
- Reflections of Feelings:
→ Feeling of Fear!
→ I’m not alone, Allah is with me!
→ Study brings a mindset once you start reading.
→ To start a task, one can make up their mind for it. It’s understandable to allow yourself to reconsider the work. It works!

---

[10:53 PM]
[Back at home from NC.]
> If I don’t sleep now, I shall die.
(Been up since 4 AM.)
#Say_No_To_Temptations

Reflections:
- Nothing much… I need to sleep.

- No love, no hustle!
-Google account has been repeatedly hacked for a month. Like, how someone can sign-in without changing the passkey?
- "This is life. People nowadays behave naively, But the hunter who steps our field must be ready to become the hunted."
- Responsibility.
- Death.
- الموت حق
- Love

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


 
"Life is Much More"​

I don't know the meaning of life. Life is very valuable, and it has many forms, colors, and differences. A person who is a professional may not enjoy his work, but someone who is not a professional may see it as a hobby and enjoy it. This shows that life gives us space to look at things in different ways. In life, we are meant to make our time useful and connect with life, no matter how it looks to us.

I believe I’m lazy and not interested in my work. Why? Because I don’t feel connected to it, and that makes it hard to stay motivated. This is something many of us face—feeling like what we do doesn’t really matter. But life is always changing; we change, and what we do today can be better than what we did yesterday. We are meant to keep going, to keep trying our best, even when we don’t feel like it.

I feel I need something new because without change, we get stuck. Life is always changing—empires rise and fall, and the same happens with us. Just like history, we also need to move forward with it. I think that I should change perception about how I see things: work, failure, success, and even my own mistakes. In life, moments like these help us get ready for a better tomorrow.

Our mindset is important when we try to change. Why do we need this? Because it helps us turn even simple tasks into chances for joy and growth. But normal life doesn’t make it easy to change. We are meant to fight against this resistance inside, to turn a regular thing, like a hobby or skill, into something that feels alive and meaningful.

One big problem we face is mobile phone and social media addiction. We need to fix this because it wastes our time and keeps us from doing other things that bring meaning and joy. This is now a normal part of life—technology controls us without us knowing it. We are meant to accept it, to spend our time on things that are worth it and add value to our live's Inns.

In life, challenges and frustrations will always happen. Why? Because being uncomfortable is part of growing. In Life, these feelings must appear at one point or other. But instead of letting these feelings move us towards those distractions, we can experience them while we make us to learn, to explore, to talk to others, and to experience life in new ways that help us grow as well.
_________________________________

_________________________________​
I read this poem during my school.

"The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep."
— Robert Frost, from Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening.

_____________
سفر میں دھوپ تو ہوگی جو چل سکو تو چلو
سبھی ہیں بھیڑ میں، تم بھی نکل سکو تو چلو
There will be heat on this journey, if you can walk, then walk.
Everyone is in the crowd, if you can find your way, then walk.
کسی کے واسطے راہیں کہاں بدلتی ہیں
تم اپنے آپ کو خود ہی بدل سکو تو چلو
The paths don’t change for anyone’s sake,
If you can change yourself, then go ahead.
یہاں کسی کو کوئی راستہ نہیں دیتا
مجھے گرا کے اگر تم سنبھل سکو تو چلو
No one here gives way to anyone,
If knocking me down helps you rise, then go ahead.
یہی ہے زندگی، کچھ خواب چند امیدیں
انہی کھلونوں سے تم بھی بہل سکو تو چلو
This is life—some dreams, a few hopes,
If you can be comforted by these toys, then go ahead.
Ghazal by Noshi Gilani
_____________
Words are mine, improvements are done by my friend AI.
_____________
It is Blessed Friday Today :emoji_full_moon:
:emoji_flag_white: And my prayers for All The Oppressed men, women and kids in this world.​
 
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Thu, 03 Oct

No more questioning, no more reasoning, no more wondering. Shall even doubt my own decisions.
I am such a sinful person that I cannot leave sin even in a state of fever and headache.

Work/discipline: I hired myself as an employer to work for myself, to help me preparing for exams. Because employers spend many hours of their life, for something that does not give them back enough reward (as they deserve or can achieve otherwise).

Day/Night: You forget matters at time. Keep a check on them. Aaa... like, hmm, forget again, medicine... etc

Forget please and rest in peace.

Quotes:
Truth is always found in the simplicity, and not in the multiplicity and confusion of things.
- Isaac Newton

Reflections: To change is to think and believe in it. Accepting it and becoming it.
▪︎ Activity after relapse.
▪︎ I love fever and headache sometimes.
▪︎ Art of letting things go.
▪︎ The body raises its own temperature to fight the pathogens that intrude. This increase in temperature is triggered by the body's defense system because pathogens work slower in that heat, and at the same time, white blood cells and the immune response become more effective.
How may I say? That heat is not enemies wrath but its the decision of our own defence system.
All Praises Be to God.
May God forgive me.
آمین

▪︎ A vast Earth, full of signs and mysteries.
▪︎ Is is all self improvement material, Homo sapien brother? Hmm? Homo sapien brother: Yes, it is sometimes.
 
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What we lack is present is this world!
What makes me anxious and down -my concerns, doubts, unanswered questions and feelings, their answers are present in this world!

What lefts behind?
The act of giving it a try?
The act of trying to justify ourselves as the best one?
Or, may be just the believe at some point that everything shall be fine?

To let ourselves grow against the confinement of our fears and concerns.
May the heart find relief. May the heart find the answer. May the heart find the path that we are meant to be following.

Because, I'm tired of getting anxious over some thoughts. Some, concerns and some fears...
I'm helpless and pray for this to Allah.
My only hope and guidance comes from Him.
Heart is so helpless at times/all the times.
May I get the light!
آمین
 
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When there is no sound to fill the silence, no scenery to enlighten the heart, no scent to awaken the soul’s cravings, no sensation to still the restless yearning, and no sense to ease the emptiness... We Write.​
Not to be seen, but to see; not to be heard, but to hear what lies within.

......
Have you ever seen the warrior who just follows the orders and go all over the sacred soil to protect a Vision...



Sadness like the old ruins of Mohenjo-Daro in Sindh.
Emptiness like the wide Cholistan Desert in Punjab.
Yearning like a lost traveler in the Thar Desert of Sindh.
Despair like the quiet shores of Gwadar in Balochistan.
Loneliness like the cold peaks of the Karakoram in Gilgit-Baltistan.
Restlessness like a lost voice in Rohtas Fort in Punjab.
Longing like the streets of Peshawar in the quiet of the evening.​
Longing like the misty valleys of Kashmir in the early morning.



Who abandons the love they once welcomed into their life?
Who are they?
دلخراش​
 
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