Need advice after blowing off the girl I’m into.

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Hisself, Apr 14, 2019.

  1. Hisself

    Hisself Fapstronaut

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    So there’s a girl I’ve been talking to. She works at the store next to mine. We are in a strip mall. I’m not sure if this is pure female nature or if she is particularly hot and cold. If she comes over to see me she is extremely flirtatious. She openly admits this. She’ll also try to arrange time after we get off work to see each other. If I go say what’s up to her she is almost always indifferent and might even throw a shit test at me. Even if I haven’t seen her in a week or two. I’m not clingy or needy whatsoever and study a lot of dating material. It’s been annoying me a little lately so I started being some what indifferent to her because if every time I make any effort to say what’s up to her she acts like she doesn’t care and then if I don’t do it she’s all over me why would I make an effort. So I was indifferent to her and she came over and was super sweet to me and flirty 2 days ago and asked to see me the following day. The following day comes and she walks by my work and waves with a big smile and I casually wave back indifferently. When she walked back the other way I didn’t look at her. As she was leaving work that night I saw her again outside and she was trying to see if I was looking and waved very eagerly and it was obvious she was unsure of herself. I waved back casually again but there was a pillar in the way and she didn’t see me wave. My coworker even said that she waved at me and asked if I waved back because he didn’t even see me do it. She pulled up real close to me in her car and had a devastated look on her face. She looked really sad and I didn’t react whatsoever. Didn’t give her any signs through body language or eye contact that I gave a fuck. The dude I worked with said “she looks pissed dude”. Here’s what I’m wondering.. did I push it a bit far and should I go get food at her place today on my day off because she’s working just to say what’s up or should I just wait 5 days til we are both working and see if she makes an effort again. Her hot cold shit was pissing me off and I kinda gave her a taste of it but now I feel bad. I don’t know if I should follow my morals or be a dick. I don’t want to be mister apologetic nice guy either. If I order from there tonight I’m thinking of saying there’s one more thing I’d like to order and say if I get done work first Friday I’ll pick you up in the parking lot and if she gets done first she can pick me up and we’ll hangout.
     
  2. Hisself

    Hisself Fapstronaut

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    God damn it I wish somebody would’ve slapped me around here and told me not to do it. She basically just blew me off now and instead of me having the upper hand for at least the next week now she does. Mgtow is looking really good
     
  3. Hisself

    Hisself Fapstronaut

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    I feel defeated. I was doing good not paying attention to her because of her hot and cold behavior and I made the wrong move. I could’ve either used her reaching out as an opportunity to get closer or just ignored her but now I made the dumbest decision to ignore her and then see her the next day and get ignored myself
     
  4. Hisself

    Hisself Fapstronaut

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    Thank you very much!
     
  5. Hisself

    Hisself Fapstronaut

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    It just pisses me off because I just dove into mgtow this week and I started viewing everything that’s been going on with this girl through that lens. This past week I’ve all of a sudden had girls all over me. I started not giving a fuck and feeling like a boss and that’s why I blew her off. She looked really sad and I initially thought fuck it she’s just trying to manipulate me with her emotions. Then I stewed on it for a day and was really weighing the pros and cons of just going to her take out place and being friendly. I knew it would be handing back the power for her to do with it what she pleases but I also felt bad. I don’t like turning people down and I’m not a dick but it’s either be a dick or be a bitch. I had a connection with this girl right off the bat and she’s been super sweet to me in the past but now she’s only sweet when I ignore her and it’s really pissing me off. Im just so mad at myself because now in retrospect I feel like the first move was the right move but I decided to be the bigger person and go see her despite my apprehension and it got me nowhere other than feeling like a pussy.
     
  6. Marik757

    Marik757 Fapstronaut

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    At this point I'd ignore her if I was in your shoes. She blew you off, end of story. The window of opportunity to act is very small in the beginning to make an move (getting her #, asking her out). If you've already spent days/weeks comtiplating your decision then the initial spark of interest has already died.

    You talk about who has the power/upper hand, etc is all childs game. Shit tests are there to test your lvl of interest. But all of it is irrelevant if you had confidence. Having confidence is going after what you want, and taking the lead at the start. Being wishy-washy, hot/cold, on your decisions is lack of confidence.

    Don't put all your eggs in one basket chasing after one girl. Don't let one girl hold you back on other opportunities. MGTOW is pointless if you still want to put yourself out there. Just approach the women who are interested in you. Find out more about them, get their #, and ask them out.

     
    Roffelaar likes this.
  7. Roffelaar

    Roffelaar Fapstronaut

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    This girl is just one big flirt and she loves to flirt with people. But just listen to what you are saying. You did not wave back at her once and didn't react to her in the car and now she is upset?

    Listen man you can overthink this a million times, but what in my experience works is indeed just keep her at a distance, but the next opportunity you get, you should ask her why she flirts and when you approach her why she is pretty cold. Men overthink these things so much that there is a special way to act towards a girl, but in this case you should just be honest with her and ask her and tell her your feelings man.
    Give her the feeling that she can say anything that is up her mind and that you won't get upset or mad about her answer. You might be very surprised by her answer ;)
     
  8. God I hate theese games. Id be SO GONE FROM HER. There are actually normal ppl around u know?
     
  9. Hisself

    Hisself Fapstronaut

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    I
    I totally understand. I just don’t pay much attention to her generally and she comes running after me, the thing is she’s absolutely stunning as far as looks. She was even in a very popular sitcom as a child through modeling. She goes from eh towards me to tripping over her words and making a fool of herself asking 20 questions about how I’ve been when I go my own way.
     
  10. TrueSaiyan

    TrueSaiyan Fapstronaut

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    It sounds like she is maybe playing you. Acting indifferent is no reason at all to act towards you when you spend you're time to go and see her at her job. I can relate to this as I sorta had the same problem at my job.

    A girl liked me a long time ago that worked second shift and she still acts like nothing is wrong and were friends at work. She added me on Facebook and we don't even talk anymore. She switched to mornings and she said hello like I was her best friend while I was working. Even the first time she did it I acted indifferent towards her for other reasons (long story)...I've gotten rejected by her and she flirts with other guys like its nothing. I've just realized that its not worth my time and energy if you're going to treat me that way..
     
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  11. Hisself

    Hisself Fapstronaut

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    I hear ya this is a bit different. There is no way to construe our dynamic in a friendship light. She comes right out and says she’s flirting with me. There’s never been anything friendship oriented between us. She will stare into my eyes and show her teeth and blush and try to do little favors for me that are unnecessary. She asks when she’ll get a chance to see me again. She’ll tell me how good I look. Anytime she comes over to see me after I haven’t seen her in a long time it’s always “hey stranger” with the flirtiest smirk you can imagine and if I’m acting aloof she’ll stop and look right into my eyes and grin. If I go to see her though it’s almost always bleh or she tries to shit test me. There is a possibility that her being in her work environment plays a role. The reason I don’t think it’s only that is that it hasn’t always been like that. It also extends a bit beyond just that in my opinion, some of it seems unnecessary. The thing is that I study a lot of dating advice and know that you have to allow women to come to you but.. even if I haven’t seen her in 2 weeks or so and the past few times I did see her she initiated, it’s still this indifferent response. I’m extremely careful not to chase or come on strong at all. I don’t think under any interpretation or definition could you say I’ve come on too strong to her at any point.
     
    TrueSaiyan likes this.
  12. Its just a games, its bs. And you fell "in love" with her already. Thats why u here, thats why u spend hours writing about her.

    So her approach worked. And you heading somewhere Id lersonally run away from.

    You see... she is not behaving GENUINE AND HONEST from a start. She plays games, PRETENDS etc.

    I personally cant stand this. And there are many females who behave normal and honest while dating.. so...
     
  13. Hisself

    Hisself Fapstronaut

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    I appreciate your response but please don’t tell me what I feel. I’m not in love with her, I’ve got many women that hit on me and she just happens to be the hottest one regularly doing so at the moment. I don’t spend hours writing about her. This is the only time I’ve written about her and nothing on this post can be perceived as love. It’s about being pissed off at myself for not continuing to ignore her after she was upset. I felt bad and I shouldn’t have. I have been in love before several times and this isn’t close. The only times I’ve thought about her at all in the past few days is while replying to this thread. I’m not living in scarcity or under any delusions of “love”
     
  14. Hisself

    Hisself Fapstronaut

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    Cool Glad you understand
     
  15. I think you forgot you said you INTO HER in the name of this thread. Anyway, whatever. Im gone.

    Please dont come at me explaining the stellar difference of loving and being into.

    Just ignore me as Im gonba ignore u from now on. HFGL
     
    Hisself likes this.
  16. TrueSaiyan

    TrueSaiyan Fapstronaut

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    I think if she keeps on flirting with you it might be a sign that shes really into you. Maybe shes just waiting for you to make the move on her. Some woman are self centered like that, like they kind of pull you towards them and keep teasing you. If its just random meet ups and they continue maybe just go on with you're life man. If she wanted to be more of friends with you I guess she would of said something by now. Sorry I'm just wondering man. Is she not you're type? I know if a girl was flirting with me I would be trying to get to the next step.
     
  17. Hisself

    Hisself Fapstronaut

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    Whoa someone is salty. I’m into about 8 girls at the moment but in love with none thankfully. I think the majority of people will understand this distinction.
     
  18. 19conquer

    19conquer Fapstronaut

    So I'm an adult female. If you are still having issues with this, here's what I have to say.
    Just BE upfront. It seems that she really likes you, but she probably feels unsure that you are taking her seriously. Talk with her about how you feel where no one else can hear, and ask her how she feels about you. If she denies everything then just move on. If she doesn't, then be honest about what you'd want in this relationship if you're gonna take it any further. Tell her you're done with beating around the bush. You seem frustrated and I'm not totally sure why? This should be a fun part of getting to know her.
    Maybe your too wrapped up in the dating advice. Like why do you purposefully ignore her or show "not giving an f attitude"? Being a d!k isn't gonna get you anywhere. Don't listen to the dating lies told to you. If you attract her by being a d!k, you'll know she's an unstable person.
     
    Kman20 likes this.
  19. 19conquer

    19conquer Fapstronaut

    The truth is some girls just like being chased. There's nothing wrong with that. If you don't want to do it .. guess you can't have her! That is unless she is super into you and she comes to you instead. She may not like you as much if you don't chase her. (Depending on the girl.) I think the reason girls like to be chased is because they can weed out the guys who actually like her enough to put energy into her from the guys who don't care. Which seems to be you in this case. Also depending on the girl, she may treat you like crap because she has you around her finger, or maybe shes actually nice and now she can reward you for chasing her .
     
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