Need advice: wife wants to look at browsing history

Hello everyone. I just joined this community today, but I've been a P addict for nearly 50 years. The first time my wife found out about my addiction to P and S addict history (affairs- not with while being married to her, and seeing sex workers when we were dating) was a year after we were married. It nearly blew up our marriage. We worked through it, I went to SA for over 10 years and saw a number of therapists. She found a program and went to therapy as well.

We got through it, had a child, and recently celebrated our 25th anniversary. She had a 1.5 year affair about 10 years ago. We got through that as well.

SA and therapy were effective in helping me stop S addict behaviors, no affairs, no professionals, no flirting or inappropriate emotional relationships.

I never really stopped looking at internet porn though. In SA, my sponsor even told me I could still look at it and be considered sober, as long as I didn't "act out," meaning no sex with self or others outside of marriage.

Fast forward to this weekend. After yet another disappointing attempt at physical intimacy, she began asking some questions, which led to me disclosing that I'd been dishonest with her about my porn use, and that it had been escalating over the past two years. She hit the roof, I've never seen her this angry. I understand how betrayed she must feel. She's now saying she wants to see my browser history over past years. I've always used Incognito Mode, so there's no history to view, which I told her. She says she wants to take my computers to specialist and have them find it forensically, which I'm sure they can do.

While I can empathize with her profound distrust of anything I say, I really don't think it's a good idea for her to look through 3 years of urls. Is my shame and anxiety at her reaction influencing me here? Should we do this a with a therapist? Any help or advice would be appreciated.

 

Thank you for this, especially for giving me more perspective and helping to see more clearly how deeply my behaviors and decisions have affected, and are affecting her.

"You stole her ability to make informed decisions and choices about that life. You knew it, and decided that it was best for you if she didn’t know." - this is staggering

 

I haven't heard of covenant eyes, I'll look into it, thanks.

 

This was absolutely the case for me, I was totally bingeing and it took much more time. I knew I wasn't really sober, but I held on to that technicality as an excuse to keep doing what I was doing.