Need advices about a girl: a chance i can't lose.

Discussion in 'Off-topic Discussion' started by Framones, Dec 30, 2015.

  1. Framones

    Framones Fapstronaut

    Hi guys,

    It's been a while after my last post on here and I need your help coming from your experience and wisdom.

    In the last few days the girlfriend of one of my best friends has introduced me to one of her friends. This girl is, for my opinion, extremely beautiful and intelligent too: it's freakin perfect guys and i am so excited about this. More excited because i think she's interested in me too.

    However i got something disturbing me about this: as i see her as perfect i am scared. Scared about what could happen later on: maybe some disappointing sex, embarassing situation, get left for someone better than me (cause i really think i am not at her height). How can i get past these scaries which are restraining me? it' so sad to have them...

    In a few days i have a birthday dinner with her and someone else i don't know. How should i approach this situation? I feel both excited and uncomfortable.

    I hope you could share your opinion to me. Although you don't know me and i don't know you i think it can help me. THANK YOU!
  2. Immor

    Immor Fapstronaut

    The girl isn't right for you. You need one you aren't scared of. So feel free to mess it up with her ;)
  3. ogiv

    ogiv Fapstronaut

    @Framones -
    I think you should take it cool. You should be the perfect gentleman in your first date, it is important you do not come across as too desperate..Definitely compliment her on something good about her that day. Make her laugh and ensure that she enjoys your company. If possible (since you know her other friends), do some research on what she likes and what she does not. If it is her birthday, give her some really meaningful gift.. I would suggest that you do not push for any intimacy the 1st day .. but that's my view..

    Do let us know how your date with the dream girl turned out.. All the best and hope everything turns out well for you..
  4. Framones

    Framones Fapstronaut

    Thanks guys i appreciate that! I just got to calm down and enjoy the night... Maybe i think too much instead of let things go
  5. calo9025

    calo9025 Fapstronaut

    Great advice man. I need to remember that when this same situation happens with me.

    @Framones I can relate to how you feel. Just relax, be yourself, and treat her well. Try to do some sort of activity to calm your nerves before the date. Maybe workout before you get ready, do some meditation, etc. That way you will be a little bit more relaxed when you go on the date. Good luck man.
    Framones likes this.
  6. This is great advice you just gave to yourself :)

    From a lady's perspective, just relax and enjoy your time together! Try not to worry so much about your future or put pressure on making things perfect. Girls don't want perfect, anyway. Love is not perfect.

    Also, I think it's sweet to have a bit of nerves/infatuation as long as it's not overwhelming. It shows how highly you think of her, and that's a big compliment! I think most women like to see men be a little nervous around them. Its really not the "turn off" a lot of men assume it will be.
    Dizzy Lotus and ICleansedMe like this.
  7. StarKing

    StarKing Guest

    My advice, I know when you are young the hormones and dick talk send you nuts for beautiful girls, you think 'wow I am so lucky she is interested in little old me' but I say this, get to know someone really well before you put on the rose coloured glasses, before you commit your heart.
    And for fuck sake don't start thinking about sex with her until you are both mutually interested. Thinking about sex with girls on the first few dates fucks it up and creates a inbalance from the start. Most girls don't want sex straight up. They want someone they can connect with first, so forget about the sex for a bit. You want her to come to you, so play it cool daddyo.
    Dizzy Lotus and ICleansedMe like this.
  8. Darkstar 22.84

    Darkstar 22.84 Fapstronaut


    Nobody's perfect, dude.
    If you believe she's a goddess, she will treat you like a slave.

    No one likes to be adored. Except the narcissist psychos.
    Bottom line is:

    she does poop.

    If you just accept her as a normal human being, then and only then you may have a chance.
    If not, you will fail. Even if you sleep with her, this inferiority complex will eat away anything that is good and could be awesome in your union.
    If you guys are meant to be together, you will be. Stop acting like she's a masterpiece!
    Remember, she is just like us.
    With fears and frustrations, flaws and qualities.
    Don't forget about the poop part. It will help you settle down to planet Earth every time you see her.
    Best of luck!
  9. From a woman's perspective, I'm going to have to respectfully disagree with this.

    I mean not the pooping part of course. Lol yes, we've been known to do that from time to time. And yes, you should never feel inferior with the person you're dating or allow yourself to become a slave, because that is an abusive relationship.

    However, I respectfully disagree with the notion that only "narcissist psychos" like to be adored. Being loved and adored is what every woman wants. It is part of the core of their being. And if, as a man, some of you have found that women don't want to be adored, they probably just didn't want to be adored by you. Sorry to put it that harshly, but if a woman is uncomfortable with your adoration, it's not because she doesn't want to be with a man who feels that way about her, it's because you two aren't meant to be. Rest assured, you can take this to the bank: women absolutely 100% want to be loved and cherished and, yes, adored. At least the good women who have a healthy sense of self respect (not narcissism, but self respect).

    I hope you learn to believe that, because it's just plain and simple truth. Experiences may have taught you to think otherwise, but experience can be misinterpreted.
    Dizzy Lotus and StarKing like this.
  10. Darkstar 22.84

    Darkstar 22.84 Fapstronaut

    Being loved is not the same as being adored.
    I adore something or someone who's above me in any way shape or form (an artist above my skill level as an artist, par example).

    The object of my adoration therefore becomes an abstract, an ideal. Something to which I aspire towards. If you adore someone as an ideal, than that quickly becomes something which no one alive can compete with. That's why people adore gods.
    They don't love them.
    I love and respect my partner. I do not own her, therefore I cannot adore her.
    I do not need her, I appreciate her. It's a question of nuance.
    And no, I don't have a partner.
    But when I do, I don't go around telling people I adore her. That would be creepy.

    As a girl, you'd naturally buy into that 'adoration' romantic bit, but real life doesn't work like this.
    I respectfully disagree with your disagreeing and I hope I made myself clear.

    I wouldn't like to live with a woman who wants to be adored.
    I'm nobody's puppy.
    Dizzy Lotus likes this.
  11. I think we have different definitions of "adore." I think of "adore" as a verb. I absolutely adore my husband. I don't think he's better than me, but I think he's fantastic and I show him that as often as I can. You're right, love and adore are different. That's why I said that I believe both can be healthy and valuable in a lasting relationship. You're also right that adoring someone can be unhealthy, but I disagree that that's the only way to look at it.

    And with all due respect, I'm not a mindless zombie buying into some "bit" I've picked up from romance novels. I have had a successful marriage with mutual love and adoration for several years. I'm speaking on my personal experience, not some magical ideal that may not even exist or be successful. Also, I can assure you I do not treat my husband as my "puppy" or "slave." I never said adoration had to only go one way (from the husband to the wife). Everything should be mutual.
    Dizzy Lotus likes this.
  12. Sometimes I just look at my husband with a fresh set of eyes and think about how incredibly wonderful he is and how lucky I am to have someone like him in my life. That, to me, is a healthy level of adoration. Adoration doesn't have to mean putting someone above yourself or putting yourself down. Obviously, if you're doing that, then it's no longer healthy. But I can "adore" my husband without thinking less of myself.
    Dizzy Lotus likes this.
  13. Darkstar 22.84

    Darkstar 22.84 Fapstronaut


    verb (used with object), adored, adoring.
    to regard with the utmost esteem, love, and respect; honor.
    to pay divine honor to; worship:
    to adore God.
    to like or admire very much:
    I simply adore the way your hair is done!
    verb (used without object), adored, adoring.
    to worship.

    Well, I come from near the Balkans. In my culture, adoring someone means groveling at their feet.
    No, I do not want my future wife to bring me offerings.

    As I am not a god. Only gods are meant to be adored. Not human beings.

    To me adore = worship. No way around it.
    Yes, we do have different views on the verb. So let's just leave it at that.
  14. Framones

    Framones Fapstronaut

    @Darkstar 22.84 @TakingTheSteps

    I think you both have reason in the way you are meaning the verb "to adore". The fact is that i ALWAYS (i mean i have a statistic of 100% failure) FAIL with the women i want and all the girlfriend i had in my life i kinda "received" them! That's simply because this "adoration" thing.

    I know women wants to be treated with love and ammiration, but this kind of feeling that i have to women i am interested into makes me behave LIKE AN IDOT! I ain't no idiot wtf... I just want to be able to be myself also in this situation. I think (as @Darkstar 22.84 said) that i have some kind of inferiority complex that makes my "battle" even harder from this side.
  15. Well I'm sorry if I made you angry. That wasn't my intention. I was simply providing different perspectives for the OP, because I know some men on here tend to think that women want "the chase" and they don't make their feelings known, so ladies will have to chase them and do all the work. I don't think that's a very respectful idea, and I think men would agree, if the situation were reversed. I realize that's not what you said in your post, but I thought it might be taken that way, so I wanted to provide an alternative.

    It's seems, as we both said, we have different definitions of the word. I agree that definitions 2 and 4 are unhealthy and have no place in a relationship, but I think 1 and 3 are a different story. Hence the reason for my clarification, in case OP had a different definition than yours as well.

    Start the year off well, sir! It's just a discussion with clarifications and a little bit of miscommunication. No reason to be angry.
    Dizzy Lotus likes this.
  16. Darkstar 22.84

    Darkstar 22.84 Fapstronaut

    That to me is love.
    Plain and simple.

    You didn't make me angry. More like sad and I'm trying as best as I can not to cry my eyes out in front of the screen. I do believe in people like you & your husband and in my mind, that's what my future marriage should be.

    But on the other hand, I am quite aware I might not be getting it until the day I die.
    So Happy New Year!
    Dizzy Lotus likes this.
  17. Well then I think you probably have the same definition for adoration as Darkstar, which we can all agree is not healthy.

    Just be you, friend. :) if she likes you for you, great, but if not, that's okay too. Remember that what you said -- I have a statistic of 100% failure with women -- is true of every single man on the planet, until they find their wife! Seriously. Until you find that one, it's always going to end in some form of failure. That was true for me, too, before I found my husband. So don't let that statistic get you down! I know that's easier said than done, but you know what I mean. I'm sure you have a lot to offer a lady. It just takes some time and practice to learn to be yourself and not put them on a pedestal. I've been there, too, many times.

    I hope you find enough happiness and joy in who you are to know that you are worthy of the women you are "adoring." You're special and unique and you have a lot to offer.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 1, 2016
    Dizzy Lotus likes this.
  18. I apologize if I made you sad, @Darkstar 22.84 , that definitely wasn't my intention with this conversation. Take heart friend -- you, too, have a lot to offer. It's a journey, and I know I might seem unqualified to speak to the pain because I'm only 22, but my husband is 30 and he didn't meet me until he was 27. He was in the same lonely boat as all you lovely gentlemen for a long time, but I think he would say it was worth the wait and the growth of being single.

    Start the year off right, with happiness and joy and knowing you're not alone, love. No more tears! You're special and unique and valuable!
    Dizzy Lotus and Darkstar 22.84 like this.
  19. Darkstar 22.84

    Darkstar 22.84 Fapstronaut


    Thank you but I'm already on the Feels-train.
    May 2016 bring you & your husband only joy and prosperity!
  20. Darkstar 22.84

    Darkstar 22.84 Fapstronaut


    Mi Amigo!

    There are only 2 situations here.
    You either:

    A. Get the girl
    B. Don't get the girl

    Guess what? Even if you do get the girl, if you keep yourself in the place you are now? She will still slip through your fingers! Love & respect yourself first, man! Then come the others!
    I know, sounds selfish, but you gotta give your self some reason to appreciate just who you are!
    Look at you, you're already fighting to give up porn & masturbation. 90% of dudes out there don't even do that!
    So why keep yourself down? You want this girl? She has to love you for who you are.
    But she can't do that if you start with:
    well, I'm crap and you're gold. Let's make babies together.

    For further reference, I recommend you check out my latest log note.
    It's a tale about a guy who got the girl but didn't get himself...
    Get it? GET IT?!
    Dizzy Lotus and TakingTheSteps like this.

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