Need answers from girls or guys with gfs/Wifes

Go read the so journals. The vast majority of women/partners feel deeply that porn use is cheating. It kills relationships. Destroys trust and love. I’ve been with my husband 33 years. I love him, but our relationship is not what it should’ve been or could’ve been. I do not believe in him. I do not trust him. I think he is an incredible man, gifted and super intelligent, a sense of humor like no other. However, every time he slips, it reinforces my need to divorce him and escape. He is working diligently at recovery. I see it. I see the changes. His behaviors are completely different when clean. But let’s be honest, who wants a man that’s lusts after every somewhat attractive woman that flashes across his screen? Who wants someone they wonder what or who they are thinking of when making love? How important is it? Of the utmost importance, had I known before I married him, I wouldn’t have married him, in spite of all his great qualities. So important, that I will never marry again or be in a romantic relationship again, it’s not worth the risk of falling for another porn addict. I might add, I think I’m one of the lucky ones, my husbands addiction did not impact his job, he is highly successful. He didn’t escalate to escorts/affairs/cam girls etc. He didn’t spend our money or get us in debt for his addiction. He didn’t blame me or criticize me, as I’ve since learned is common. He didn’t isolate to use porn, we have always had a pretty good social life with friends. So, in retrospect, his addiction/acting out seems mild compared to some. However, it still affected every aspect of our relationship.

 

Do it now man. My addiction has caused so much pain and hurt in my marriage. I’m a great husband minus my addiction and my wife lives with but still it keeps us from all that we could be together and my porn is a large reason for that.

 

This is a good mindset to have. If you need to make it easier think of yourself as an actor playing a role. Before you were playing the role of the porn addict; ogling women and masturbating alone into a sock. You’re done with that now so leave it behind. It’s toxic and it doesn’t make you happy.

Now you’re playing the role of the modern man or, as you mentioned, the good husband. You see women as equals and not objects. You’re attentive, caring, supportive, loving, kind and most importantly, honest.

You don’t have to be perfect (nobody is) but you can identify your flaws and try to improve. I’ve been a terrible boyfriend, a terrible husband, a terrible friend and, overall, a pretty shitty person. I was selfish, arrogant, narcissistic, greedy, rude, ignorant, entitled, bitter, sexist, even racist, and it’s taken me a long time to admit that. I wasn’t aware of those aspects of my personality but they caused me a huge amount of shame. I didn’t want to be that kind of person (who would?!) but I wasn’t actively challenging my way of thinking or my behaviour.

The damage I have caused my wife and our relationship is massive. I would give anything in the world to be able to go back and start again but it’s too late now. Don’t make the same mistakes I and many others have. The damage to yourself and your future wife will be irreparable. I’m a work in progress now but at least I’m actually in progress. Don’t stop moving forward and always challenge yourself. That’s how you’ll be a good husband.

 

My ex divorced me.

A big part ot it was my P addiction. She felt cheated and ugly.

Just wanted to say: P really hurts people. Really.

 

Read some of the journals/posts in the Significant Others section. You can see how much damage it can cause.

 

There is an article online that addresses this issue:

https://emotionalabuseintervention.com/2020/08/24/is-pornography-use-abuse/

I have been married for over 11 years. I cannot accurately describe the pain my wife has experienced. It have been physical, emotional, psychological, every aspect of her life has been affected by the pain that came from my choices. Nothing is untouched. It doesn't mean I can't live amends and be the man I need to be. I have been sober from pornography and masturbation for over 5 years, but the pain is still there.

Get away from pornography and masturbation BEFORE you get into another relationship.