Hello dear fapstronauts!
I'm a 14 year old (soon 15) boy and have fapped since I was 12. I discovered NoFap and saw all the benefits so I decided to give it a try. Right now I'm on my longest streak, 8 days of no PMO.
When I don't fap I do feel more confident, but I haven't experienced any superpowers or that girls are looking at me all the time.
So there's a very cute girl in my class who I'd like to date, but I'm a little anxious to ask her.
I'm not the most popular guy in class, but she's not so popular either. I have glasses, I'm a little fat (it's visible only if I take my shirt off), but I'd say my face is pretty nice. I have heard that looks aren't the most important thing, confidence is more important.
I don't really talk to her in school, but I have her on kik (a messaging app), I talk to her there sometimes. Some people tell me I should first talk to her more before asking her on a date, but I want to just go and ask her.
I was thinking I should ask the girl on Friday 15th April. The thing is that she's always with her friends so I can't talk to her alone. What should I do to talk with her alone? Also, should I just have a small talk with her first before asking her on a date or should I just straight out ask her?
I´m going to give you some of the best advices if not the best of your life. I think about how much time I am spending now on this text already but heck, if someone did this for when I was your age I would be eternally grateful (no joke).
So my dear friend.
Wanting to have a girlfriend most likely will not land you a girlfriend - at least not the one you really want. don´t get me wrong, heck there is even the tiny chance I could be wrong. But most girls nowadays either want a badboy or a prince charming or just a rich,famous and or hot dude (thank you disney and hollywood lol) There are of course girls who still value things like being nice and having a good personality - BUT these girls become more rare as we speak. What I want to say is girls, especially in your age emphasize on a guy that has "social value", meaning he is perceived as cool, intelligent, famous, hot whatever by his peers. Chances are, if you are unkown or "normal" you will be rejected - especially if you don´t talk to her much. It´s pretty simple - we all think of ourselves as special, that´s why our boyfriend or girlfriend also has to be someone special. If others think you are cool or smart or anything you associate with good things, then that brings you a step more near "special"
And now to the real advices:
NEVER try to impress a girl, either they are impressed by you or not, you just don´t try if you don´t want to be a loser. There is no turnoff like trying too hard.
Don´t be a "Nice guy" - treat a girl with as much respect and politeness as she does.
Another important thing off the start: a girl is in general very intuitive and will discern how you feel - If you feel akward she will feel it and she will also feel akward if you feel comfortable and confident, then she will also feel confident around you.
Embrace the madness - meaning just be ridiculously confident, even if death smiles in your face, keep calm, smile back and own it. You don´t need the rationalize
your confidence - you just take it.
Another important thing is, what others know as "owning your frame" - this is really important!
We all live in a connected world but EVERYBODY perceives the world through his own reality - for an artist he may very well see the world in an artistic light, an enterpreneur will see it with a business view, someone in love will view it with an "the world is so awesome" view.
The IMPORTANT thing is, when two different people meet, then no matter what, their frames, realities clash together. Either you are drawn into the other persons frame or the other person is drawn into your reality.
Holding your frame, owning your reality - is the UTMOST important thing. It gives you power over - i would guess good 85% of the population.
How do you hold you frame?
1. Be ridiculously confident.
2. Know your weaknesses and acknowlege them but never feel guilty for them, except you are too lazy to change them - for example not working out.
3. Get up your beliefs and hold on to your beliefs, even in the eye of death.
4. Stay calm, play calm, keep calm - especially in negative, dangerous, embarassing situation.
A situation is only as embarassing as you allow it to be!
OWN YOU REALITY
___
I remember when I was your age I insulted several of my classmates I didn´t like because they bullied other, more weak-willed people. I went to a very strict and religious school, by the way.
I called one a nazi, saying I wouldn´t mind him burning in Auschwitz
another one a communist
and the third one just plain ugly
all three were guys, fairly confident people
Now, the were hurt by my comments and went to our teacher - religion teacher by the way. And told the her, the teacher, in front of the whole class what I had called them.
But I held my frame,I did feel neither guilty nor embarassed - my teacher said: oh, what a pity he called you that. The matter was forgotten in 2 minutes.
Sometimes, you mustn´t take young girls (your age) serious.
Women
in general- there are a few exceptions -
, perceive reality through their feelings, (no I am not a misogynist by the way) . Meaning, that if you have an argument with a girl and she feels she is right you can have the best arguments in the world, chances are you will not convince her. If a girl wants to argue with you, just don´t, try to deal with it with humor and or try to change her mood.
If you want a girl to love/like you then you need to get her to respect you.
This means don´t go for a girl´s sympathy. Either she has sympathy for you or not.
Even if you have to do something, or do something a girl doesn´t like (For example she tells you to get her a drink from the vending machine in an overbearing tone - you just say NO) as long as she respects you for it, everything is fine. Never surrender your worth of self or your respect a girl or anyone else!
If you conciously want to get her sympathy, chances are she will not respect you.
It doesn´t really matter what you say to her but HOW you say it. Try to talk with a full, lower and slower tone in general.
Starting today you will start looking people in the eye until they look away, no excuses. I know it is hard, but you need to do it. If you sit in your classroom, look at this cute girl - at the moment she looks back you slowly remove your gaze and look at the other people in your class - the point is - you move your eyes and head slowly - not like you are catched - but like you registered her and moved on - if she smiles at you, smile back, if she doesn´t - then don´t, except maybe for a very little one.
You have to get one thing - A girl doesn´t make you necessarily happy, you have to lead a happy, successful life in order to attract your dreamgirl(s).
The thing about respect: You can´t really decide if others respect you or not but everything starts with respecting yourself. Respecting yourself means NO PMO - your mind, time, body and energy are worth too much to waste it on such a thing. Respecting yourself means standing up for yourself and your needs. Respecting yourself means eating healthy and working out regularly, respecting yourself means praising yourself for good stuff and forgiving yourself for wrongdoings. Respecting yourself means to not take back what you say and calmly stand up for what you say.
And also means to NOT GOSSIP, NOT BLURT out unnecessary stuff (like: I am addicted to porn, for example - i know - a no brainer)
Also NEVER make a girl more than one compliment. If she is pretty, believe me, then she knows it. NEVER make a pretty girl a compliment for being pretty. You make either a compliment that makes her unique: for example: you have a really exotic hairstyle, it makes you stand out in a good way (i thought that up right now, is not the best ever) or you make a compliment about what she does or her personality (her intelligence for example : I don´t like to admit it but you are kind of smart [said - in a playful way].
One of the most important issues: If you worry about whether others like you , ironically no one will really like you - why you ask, simple.
If you worry about others feelings (about you) and views/opinions about you then you will cater to their needs and feelings - and then they will not respect you, because you would be a people pleaser, and no one respects a people pleaser. And people pleasers are not well liked, they just get a kind of pity-sympathy, like you would have sympathy with a loser.
Other´s opinions matter, but if it´s about you, they don´t matter at all!
Either they like you - cool, or they don´t also cool. The stronger the foe the better the man. Having enemies and haters, people that don´t like you- is a legit thing. If you have haters others know you are real and stand up for yourself - they will respect that and not treat you lightly.
Also once more back to respect: Respecting yourself means respecting your time, energy, needs and feelings, please no one, don´t expect thanks in return for your help and really - don´t help if you don´t want to , it´s not an obligation. If you say YES when you really mean no it means indirectly someone else´s time and feeling are more important than yours. Let people SEE that your time and energy are important. Never treat yourself lightly and others also won´t.
I will stop for now, because I don´t even know if what I write makes sense to you. if it does good, if it doesn´t also good for you. You can come back to me if you have questions and if you want to learn more, feel free to ask - though I will not promise I will be online each and every day.
Don´t hate me for typos I am just too lazy to correct them all and english is not my first language.
