Need Help Coping with Rejection

Maybe you shouldn't date until you are more stable in your mood.

Dating is a numbers game. The reality is that most of the womans you like are not going to like you back.
Maybe 10 out of 100 will like you and want to go out with you. Of that 10 only 2..3 will hookup with you, so don´t be upset if a girl don´t like you, it´s normal! You need to go thru a lot of "No" to get to the "Yes".

I was like you in the past, the "No" was so hard to digest for me. Today i just lets them go and i take care of the ones that said yes.

 

I have absolutely no dating experience whatsoever (I plan to start trying this autumn), but I still think I can contribute. First, detach yourself from your automatic thoughts, you don't have to listen to them, they aren't you. Think "are these thoughts helpful and/or true?". Challenge them as they arise; after all, it's just a setback. Another tactic that can work is to accept the thoughts ("right, it shouldn't be this difficult, but at least I'm trying"). You can take the time to write down what happened, what your thoughts and feelings are and (most important step) how you could reframe it to feel better about it. Also, get busy doing something when you feel like the emotions are too much, anything (well, not sad music).

This is standard CBT stuff, if anyone recognizes it.

 

I think you misperceive your problem, bro.
You have great attitude, you did everything right according to your values, and have a mature philosophical view on the entire situation.
What I suggest you change is the JUDGMENT you put on your normal, absolutely understandable emotions. You are doing what one of my teachers calls "turning a misdemeanor into a felony". It's your opinion that you should NOT feel the pang of pain that keeps you miserable. What you resist, persists. Your reaction of "should not feel sad" keeps you stuck in the low feelings. Pain to rejection is a normal reaction, approve of it and you'll see how it will run through you in minutes and evolve. You wouldn't hate your hand for hurting when you put it in fire by accident, you'd appreciate the signal "hey, step back".
Now, about the girl. She might be in love, or in a shitty mood or think she looks ugly that day (when she doesn't), or feel unworthy, or a million other things. Has nothing to do with you - she's just the wrong girl. But you know all this. You're doing great, man, just stop torturing yourself for feeling your preferences. Rejection is what we don't want, so no wonder it feels bad. But it will pass quickly if you don't try to fight it (the low feeling). I promise.

 

Relationships are not only about flirting and dating, but should also include a common interest. Maybe this route will help you find someone suitable.

 

I have some experience in being turned down and ghosted by women. When i was younger I was really pissed off by being turned down while i was mad at them for not being interested i was also thinking there was something wrong with me like i wasnt enough and had to be more. As made my way threw the dating game i found out a few things. If a women is interested she will meet you no matter what and will not offer lame or strange excuses . One of the big thing i look for if a women isnt that exicted to meet me i move on TRYING TO GET SOMEONE TO LIKE YOU IS DRAINING AND POINTLESS . Another thing i learned is to move on if some one is ghosting you is that really someone you would want to spend time with?
YOUR TIME IS VALUBLE YOU DESERVE PEOPLE WHO ARE EXCITED TO BE WITH YOU

 

Wow great inputs here. This is what the forum is meant for. Thanks everyone for posting. It was all helpful for me too.

I'll add some to the discussion. I was interested in a gal and thought she was interested in me, but she wasn't. I got to know her a bit better after several chats and she's a great person.

After the rejection I thought things over. Her goals are totally different than mine. I wouldn't be helping her progress with her goals and she wouldn't be helping me progress with mine. Stuff I wasn't thinking about when I was infatuated with her.

She was doing both of us a favor whether she thought that way or not, she doesn't want to waste her time either.

I leave her alone since that seems to be the signals she's given me. But at the same time I have utmost respect for her and hope she does well with her career and life. There's absolutely no reason for me to have any ill-will towards her or any shameful feelings about myself. I did everything respectfully and it just didn't work out.