Need help escalating things with this girl

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by never_again, Aug 21, 2016.

  1. never_again

    never_again Fapstronaut

    30
    27
    18
    So there's this girl on campus , about 5 months we got really close and I didn't want a relationship so I pulled back a little and over the summers we got further apart . Now we barely hang out together , anyway tonight we got together and it sucked, I dont know that spark just wasn't there and even though I wanted to I just couldn't escalate. Finally when we said goodbye she lingered for a bit but we ended it with a high five , that was how much it sucked , so it's confusing but still any tips on how to escalate things ?
     
  2. volt2187

    volt2187 Guest

    Bro, read through my thread I created about a month ago, I've recently dealt with the exact same issue:

    http://nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/need-advice-on-escalating-things-with-this-girl.71533/

    How much do you like this girl? Honestly it doesn't sound like much but you clearly do if you created this thread about the situation. What I've learned with my experience is you HAVE to go after what you want. You cannot expect her to throw herself on you and start the hugging and kissing, you have to be the one to "man up", literally. Do you want to kiss her and get close to her? It's scary, trust me, but the relief you get when you A) do it and B) have success with it is amazing and makes it easier in the future.

    Repetition is the key to gaining confidence with anything, so I recommend talking to as many girls as you can, whether they're young, old, married, single, pregnant or have kids, it doesn't matter. You have to be comfortable with the idea of talking to girls. That way when you approach one you find attractive you are confident talking to her, which she will sense. Don't fret, this takes time to get comfortable with.

    But don't give up and if this girl seems like she isn't feeling it move on. Don't linger just because you've had a few connections. The last thing you want to do is come across as clingy or needy. Not only will it chase her away but it will become a part of how you think and it will be carried onto your interactions with other girls. Trust me on that one, I went through about 5 or 6 girls rejecting me over my clingy ways before I opened my eyes and realized it was me and not them.

    One last tip is to work on yourself and be busy, so you're not overthinking it with the girls. It helps to remove the pressure of going out and waiting for some grand moment to build up where you should kiss her. Just be relaxed and when you go out with her have fun, remove the pressure. If you see signs of interest from her slowly start to escalate. Do little things like touching her shoulder when laughing or bumping knees together. If she reacts positively, or doesn't pull back you know shes getting comfortable around you and you can begin more escalating.

    What helps me with not only this but other areas where I am uncomfortable with in my life is thinking how nothing for myself is gained instantly, which is hard to accept when we've been using porn and masturbation for years to feel better, all with the click of a button or a few minutes of our time. Think about school. You didn't start as a senior in highschool, you started off at kindergarten and worked your way up slowly. Just like with girls, you have to keep at it and do little things to make you more confident and comfortable around them.
     
    DBug and never_again like this.
  3. never_again

    never_again Fapstronaut

    30
    27
    18
    Aw , man you're so right .... all this while i was just expecting her to initiate when I should have done it myself. That's always been a problem , i guess , i've never really been able to escalate things with anyone on my own. And yea talking to other people , building up the confidence so that when the right time comes , everything just comes naturally . I guess i'll have to keep working on that . And as far as this girl is concerned i honestly don't know what I really want of this , so anyway i'm just gonna keep going forward until I figure it out .
     
  4. volt2187

    volt2187 Guest

    It's just something you have to keep working on as you said. Everyone is different, I know for myself I still struggle with this even though I can confidently talk about what needs to be done to fix this. Having prior success gives me the confidence to know I have it in me to be successful, so that's why it's vital to keep at it. Just know that you can change things, some easier than other, you just have to work at it and not give up. Maybe since you've already been talking to this girl use your interactions with her to practice on your escalation skills. Even if it doesn't work with her you can gain some experience for the girls that will follow her.
     
    DBug likes this.
  5. volt2187

    volt2187 Guest

    @never_again hey man how's it going, any update with this girl?
     
  6. never_again

    never_again Fapstronaut

    30
    27
    18
    hey man , so i just cant get my head around this one ..... so we met a few times, during some we completely hit it off and in some well,not so well.
    So mid semester exams were going on last week and i ran into her in the library at like 2 at night. So we decided to take a break and just went out and roamed around. It was just beautiful man , i mean she wanted to light one and we just went through loads of trouble to get a cigarette , shit, I mean i don't even smoke but still it was great.
    So the other night we all got completely wasted and in the end it was just me and her walking around campus , so we were heading to the place we earlier used to get to always , but just midway she stopped and said lets just go back our own rooms and watch a movie and and call it a day. And our texts too have been erratic ever since , i dont know i just feel maybe I am getting too clingy , but i guess she matters to me so its tough.

    So anyway another thing happened to me that made me realize something , couple of days back, there was a random girl walking by and i thought it was my friend so i just shouted hey , it wasnt her but she came closer said hi and then i dont know i was just surprised/stunned so we kind of just walked past each other . At that moment i just thought maybe ive stopped looking around , ive been so obsessed about a few that ive ignored everything else . Ive just stuck on the one's I know and haven't made any real efforts to know more girls .

    And well there's this other girl , so alot people have told me she's into me , but shit I just can't see it. We barely talk and its just normal whenever we do. I dont know maybe im just being stupid and waiting for her to make a move , its fucking wrong but i dont know . I do want to definitely take it forward but shit i just can't . It sucks whenever I try to direct the chat that way (i know chat , i just cant talk to her enough, i barely see her) , it just end up going elsewhere. So yeah im stuck :)

    Coming back here after a long time , too long maybe ..thanks checking up bro
     

Share This Page