Need help found girl but...

Make the change today. Stop using porn. Do everything you can right now to take porn from your life.

I know you’re in a lot of pain and fear right now. The only way to stop that pain and fear is to do everything humanly possible for you to change.

 

So if I understand what you are saying-you have not looked at porn or porn substitutes, have not masturbated, for 6 months and have not had sex for 3 months? But you still feel no libido? It could be several things, could be flat line, could be you are IA, could be a physical problem ( low T). You said you were having sex with prostitutes, which is essentially an escalation of pmo. That could also be your problem, they are porn in real life on steroids.,

 

Intimacy Anorexia, about 30% of sex addicts have it

 

I might be reading between the lines but I think you are dealing with a lot of sexual insecurity and anxiety about sex.

I think maybe you are putting a lot of pressure on your performance. Which then in the moment is contributing up PIED.

I'm college we used to call it "stage freight" when we would try and pee in a urinal with a long line of guys behind us. The more people would notice the harder it was to actually go. Once someone stepped away and relaxed then they were able to pee. It's a funny feeling but maybe the same thing can happen if you get really anxious about pied.

I find it interesting if you haven't looked at P for 2 years and haven't masturbated for 6 months that you are struggling with a lure of prostitution. Makes me think that maybe you are using it and possibly other things as P substitutes. Which might affect your actual recovery?

 

I didn’t see in your original post where you said you were without porn for 2 years, not masturbating for 6 months and no sex for 3 months. In that case, seeing a doctor is probably the best solution. This seems to be more of a medical issue.

 

Are you still seeing prostitutes? When was the last time?

 

I was specifically "reading between the lines" suggesting you have sexual anxiety and insecurity. I know you are admitting to the prostitutes. I suggested that for something for you to think about that's all.

EDIT: I could very well be wrong in my suggestions, I just sense there's something there based on what you wrote.

I wouldn't put too much pressure on yourself and sexual performance. I get it, I felt very similar when I was dating. We want to be "the best" our woman has ever had. PIED I would imagine is embarrassing. What I think we do wrong is think that all we have to do is be good at physical sex and neglect all the other parts of a relationship. Get to know your new gf on a deep level, the sex will be better if you start with that focus.

And obviously as you know prostitution and relationships just aren't something that should be mixed.

As far as your libido. I wouldn't worry too much about fluctuating amounts of libido.

I think it's important we learn to control ourselves, learn to sacrifice our deep desires that seem the most important for something more worthwhile. If you do that I think not only will that make you more confident. But also more attractive to women which will in turn improve your confidence more.

Ultimately even though I haven't actually lived my view here... I believe that we as men are called to love our wives (in your case girlfriend/potential future wife) with a sacrificial love. Part of that is sacrificing our desires for our partner. We make the choice not to give into a base desire of sexual "release" any time we want it to express our love for our partner. When we act out whether it's PMO or any other sexual deviancy we are actively making our desires more important than loving our partners. Which causes our partners to actually not love us back, which puts us in an awkward position of not actually being "the best she ever had" as we weren't a very good partner to begin with.

 

So I can only give you insight from my experiences. I think there's an element that if you are dealing with this you wouldn't be doing yourself or this girl any favors pursuing a relationship. I remember being younger thinking I could just date and that PMO would just go away when I got married. Unfortunately that's not how it works. For you to work though this you'll have to continue working on your issues. You seem to understand you are still dealing with issues and know that prostitution is bad. The only way to fix this is lots of deep emotional self infprovement. It takes a lot of patience and effort analyzing how you feel.

From my limited understanding I think you have just resorted to P subs the last 1.5 years and that it hasn't resulted in the results you are wanting. I think you need to search your feelings there and work on that. Otherwise you are really not going to see the change you are wanting. If that makes sense.

 

Something I think that would be a great start is if you started thinking about how you felt when you feel the urge to go to prostitution. Do you feel lonely? Is it that anxiety? Stress? A feeling of uncontrollable libido? What do you think? Take some time to process these feelings. It might not be obvious to you right away but I think eventually you'll see some repeated common issues. What do you think currently are reasons you are doing this?

Once you have an understanding of why I think you can then start to realize the issues that you need to work on. This is the hardest part.

 

Does this up/down libido worry you?

It sounds like you have done a lot of work. It seems that maybe you have just replaced PMO with other behavior that isn't helping. So I think that's where you start.

 

I think a lot of guys feel this way and using porn makes it worse. I think a good rule which I live by is only have sex with someone you would want to have a child with. I'm not saying you should have a child with her but if you were to have a child you would gladly have one with her. The reality is you're going to find other women attractive but you can't have sex with every woman you like. Personally, I like different types of women but the kind of women I would want to have a child with is rather limited. And by the sound of things this girl you like doesn't sound good for you.