Need...help...is it normal to feel this way?

I know my husband went through a flatline , no libido , felt depressed, had physical symptoms and it does go away . What happened in the next months was I became MORE attractive to him , he was able to SEE me for the woman I am not just his wife . Only positive things come from no PMO be patient with yourself and your SO , it’s a LONG road ahead , for the both of you . Kudos for being honest and telling her . That isn’t taken lightly or something small in the eyes of most of the SO here . Get to REALLY know your girl again
Best of luck to you both

 

first off welcome to nofap. second yes it is normal. you're going to feel like a pregnant woman with your emotions going from hot to cold and from left to right. it's all from you suppressing your emotions with P. that's so awesome you told your girlfriend. she is going to be your biggest supporter through this whole process. whatever you do you need to be honest about your feelings and dont be scared to share them. she'll be able to help you process what you're feeling. most woman understand and can explain feelings better than any man ever could. good luck and stay strong. keep researching too, cause there's more to recovery than just abstaining. you really have to dig deep and understand the behavior and why you used in the first place. if you dont you will inevitably end up relapsing. their are guys on here who have been sober for years and then ended up relapsing because they were strong willed enough to avoid using, but because they didnt understand why they used eventually fell to temptation.

 

So funny, but true, about the pregnant man thing.
But here you are making a better man of yourself.

I wrote lists to myself to help keep me on track and
nothing beats accomplishment for feeling better about one's self.
Came clean to my wife within a week of quitting and having a plan of recovery.
Had PIED and that is dissipating and she supports me.
It takes time to rewire and she is taking her cues from me and rolling with it.

Did find help and solace in the local SAA meetings.
Sexual Addicts Anonymous
has a huge thread of people there with PA.

Am familiar with the 12 steps from having an alcoholic in my life
and that was a source for my recovery, as well as here.

Went to SAA after a few weeks as I felt I was white knuckling it.
Nothing beats the face to face for shame reduction.

Go big on recovery and recover big
having lots of tools on hand helps

Do what makes sense;
as you are doing now.

 

Yes . Atleast 2 decades ;(

 

Yes. It. Is.
He still has a lot of shame even 18 months later and that was blocking his path . Finally he’s understanding the difference btwn shame and guilt . I’m willing to support recovery as long as he’s honest with me . I can forgive “mistakes” I really can’t forgive any more lies in any form . So you being upfront with her I feel is less damaging to the relationship

 

I'm sorry but I'm not buying it. boredom isn't the cause it's the excuse. yes P blockers and software tracking apps are great for helping with recovery but they're not the solution. avoiding the problems will only get you so far, and eventual whether you believe me now or later just avoiding wont be enough. you can't avoid life and things are going to happen that are out of your control. you're going to need to be prepared when that happens. its like you were saying you forgot to put a blocker on chrome and you relapsed. you avoided and weren't prepared for the unexpected. sorry if that sounds blunt but the truth isn't soft. "He who dares not offend cannot be honest." Thomas Paine. you have to be honest to recover, but more than anything you have to be honest with yourself.

 

That’s not going to work . You can’t blame a slip , relapse etc on anything/anyone but yourself . Especially since you’ve made it clear you are aware of what this is . You did it because you wanted to . I implore you to tell your girl that you PMO . That holds you accountable. See how she takes it . We just talked about honesty above . You were honest with her , now be honest to yourself! Pick up and starting digging deeper into yourself, that’s really hard to do !

 

THIS WAS LITERALLY A HUGE part of a breakthrough my husband and I just had and it has Paine quote !
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...01112/the-cost-and-benefits-emotional-honesty

 

Yes, it has helped and
is the backbone of my program.

Anyone who sees you there
needs to be there, too.
Took me around three weeks
to get up the courage.

When I told my SO, later, I wanted to go three times a week, She paused and asked if I was that sick? I think I said maybe. As she saw my recovery, she’s all in for me.

At the third meeting someone,
At my request, appointed an interim sponsor for me who has been so very essential. He would say, “yep, done that, too”, as I shared my written first step. Good guidance.

I just picked the closest meetings and have met nobody familiar.

Some drive a distance for anonymity.
My rational is that people are too wrapped up in their own thoughts
to care about anyone else.

I highly value this website, too.
So much for the people
And their experiences,
For the resources, shared videos and talks, etc....

And as an alternative to online P.
So much better.

The last time I was on a P website,
I saw “Hey NoFap people come see this P”! I searched for NoFap and have not searched for P intentionally since Dec 28th, ‘17.

(Now, I had to learn to avoid the P-subs, though)

I must add I discovered I had Pied,
So that was a prime motivator.

 

Boredom can be fixed ! Go find something to do . Burn off that antsy energy . Your gf needs to make a list of boundaries and you should Make a list of boundaries for yourself . If you want to truly change , YOU will have to make the changes in your life . Grab a PA book maybe ? People that emotionally eat don’t often realize that BOREDOM can be an emotion. So get busy not getting busy with yourself
Ps I’m glad you told her

 

SAA meetings are a couple of bucks.

$175 a hour for a CSAT is huge.
Don’t have insurance for that.
If became a need for sobriety,
I will do that next.

Anyway, I’m a slow reader and Typer.
One meeting gives so many shares and inputs.

SAA does have online meetings too
But I haven’t tried those.

Glad you are here and finding traction?