Hi everyone. This is partly in my journal in the 40+ section but I know it will attract more input over here. "Journal of a Marriage Reboot" is the title, and it's apt because my marriage was facing both a PMO issue and a sexless marriage / low libido issue. I'm not going to get into the specifics here, but suffice to say that I think at this point I need some boundaries set for me (as the PA) to deal with the pain and rejection that can come with my wife's low/no libido. I realize this is not the typical situation for the SO's on here and some of the resources I have seen posted. I am thinking my boundaries might be: 1) Scheduled sexual time has to happen within the night it was scheduled (ie night or early morning) or have an agreed upon rescheduled time. 2) Topics of conversation that might become adversarial cannot be discussed 4 hours before scheduled sexual time. If it is, and immediately we agreed to defer the conversation, that is not a boundary violation. Number one is an issue because my wife is tired and will often fall asleep when we have time scheduled with each other. I love my wife, care about her and I want her to rest. It's when the time together isn't thought of again later, acted on in the morning after rest or rescheduled firmly that hurts more than her just falling asleep. Number two is sort of avoiding a setup to intimacy anorexia of a sort. Both of these are a little less of an issue than they once were but they have both become triggers for me as I have a lack of trust that my wife isn't doing either issue without knowing it will avoid sexual time together (consciously or unconsciously). These will be longer term issues. A further short term boundary might be: 3) Follow through trying estrogen as a possible treatment to raise her libido. From what I learned about boundaries here, the issues and the consequences should be aimed at preventing hurt and not as punishment. The above all seem to fit that but I'm not sure if I should have any boundaries that relate to her level of interest in: sex (in interest), her pleasure (no interest), or enthusiasm (varies, but high levels of enthusiasm are typically just poorly faked). And I further have no idea of consequences. Anything that separates us...sleeping apart for example.....doesn't seem to really help the situation. But, I think, that to work the consequences have to be more what I can do to avoid the situations above from hurting more than set steps to correct the hurt......or am I off on that thought? For example, I can think of a few consequences for the first boundary. 1) is that I sleep apart the following evening 2) I don't do some chore around the house that I normally do or 3) we both agree to sleep naked in bed the following evening (not the norm). Option number 3 seems the best but it's forcing my wife to do something and I don't like that aspect. I don't know, this is the part I am having trouble with, and would love some suggestions. During this might get my wife to make some boundaries of her own, and I can't help but think that would be a good step for her too.