Need Help

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Fenix 512, Nov 1, 2017.

  1. Fenix 512

    Fenix 512 New Fapstronaut

    I don't know where to start.

    This is the first time I've posted anything on here. Up until today I've been doing well at controlling myself. I've been trying to stay strong and power through for my partner of 3 years. Mind you my fiance is a saint for outing up with me as I have had problems lying to her about P&M. But a few days ago I felt a odd desire that I haven't felt for a long time. I felt the urge to finger myself, which I acted on. I had done this in the past when I was in college, but I figured I was exploring my sexuality and figured I would "get over it". But after last night I realized that I am bi.
    That should have been the end of it, but this morning I went online. I went on to craigslist and went to the men seeking men. I had no intention of messaging them, but that doesn't matter since I shouldn't have gone on to begin with. Anyway, I was looking at the pictures of their penis and thinking about how it would feel to have it inside me.

    After it happened I knew I messed up. So I messaged my fiance to let her know what happened. She was upset, rightfully so. So I reset my counter and am posting this.

    I need help. These urges keep coming to me, mostly M but sometimes P. It also hurts to be doing so well only to fail. Its disheartening, but I want to do right by my fiance and myself, any advice or tips on how to cope would be appreciated.

    Thank you all,
    u376 likes this.
  2. SuperFan

    SuperFan Fapstronaut

    Be careful with this kind of thinking. If you identify as a PMO addict, "self control" isn't going to work. We're all good at controlling ourselves ... 'up until'. Eventually our willpower breaks. That's how addiction works.

    This is a very big realization to make. What made you realize this--was it just the fact that you enjoyed the sensation of something penetrating you? That doesn't make you bi, necessarily. Just curious what brought you to this conclusion.

    Something else to be careful with. I used to go on CL all the time. I'd say to myself, "oh, I'm not going to answer any of these ads--I just want to look." Funny how many times I ended up in a sexual encounter that started with "just looking".

    I would highly suggest using a filter (that you're not in control of) to block Craigslist and other triggering sites. This is an appetite that will only grow with indulgence.

    And you'll have to revise your definition of masturbation to include any anal penetration.

    I commend you for being honest with your fiance about this. I'm sure it was really hard to share, and I'm sure it was really hard for her to hear.
    Hopefulgirl likes this.
  3. bike-wrench

    bike-wrench Fapstronaut

    Oy. I used to go to Craigslist, and to Backpage, "just to look". And then I found I was looking at where the people were, and who was doing incall vs. outcall. I didn't go that way, but now that I've been thinking about it (reading your post), I can see I came close.

    "Going to Craigslist" like that is not a procedure that would lead to positive outcomes for me, I don't think. YMMV.
  4. Anona

    Anona Fapstronaut

    Google HOCD and read Ybop before you start identifying yourself as bi or gay. Porn twist your sexuality.
  5. The Wrestler

    The Wrestler Fapstronaut

    I'm going to echo @SuperFan and ask what made you realise this? Penetration play can have a place in a straight relationship, too. Check out the sites @Anona posted, and think about it again.

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