need imidiate help please ( Trigger ! )

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Billy93XY, Jan 11, 2022.

  1. Billy93XY

    Billy93XY Fapstronaut

    Hello guys i am new here, I JUST RELAPSED AND FEEL MISERABEL, i want to tell you my story( its little long and hard)

    I am now 28 years old, and i think i have been watching porn since i am 15. I stutter and i have social anxiety. I was in therapy when i was 19, but I did nothing. Then I moved out of my parents home and the porn addiction got a little better, because i hadnt internet access , but i still downloaded it or watched it secretely in places, where internet collection was available.

    I always had trouble finding a girlfriend and i didnt had much contact or interactions with women till now. I felt so disappointed and down in my life that i even started to watch shemale or gay porn, because i thought i dont deserve a girl, so i thought, maybe i am gay ( but i dont want it to be true)

    I started working out and now i am studying . I live alone ( in germany) and i am unvaccinated, so i am not allowed to go anywhere, all places, where i can interact with people ( gym, university...) are prohibited for me, so i am in my apartment all day all alone.
    I started to work out again 2 months ago ( after a long pause) and i was on a
    7 day streak. But all this circumstances made me so depressed, that i wanted to feel good and needed dopamine, so i relapsed. I didnt even workout today ( i used to work out everyday ,because that is the only thing that boosts my confidence)

    No i am at a point, where i want to lock away my computer. I dont have the problem on my smartphone,because i have a very good detox app, which i cant uninstall.

    But i am not able to block porn on my computer, i used to try some blocking apps, but they are too easy to uninstall.

    The problem is i need my computer for my study and i am writing all the exams on my computer, since i am not allowed to go to the university .
    I dont have the willpower , but one thing i realized: I keep relapsing, because i feel miserabel in my life. I am stuck here in this city, only very little social interactions, everything prohibited and i need dopamine everyday to feel little better, thats why i keep relapsing.

    Do you have any tips or help guys ? I even considered to drop out of studies and move to a place, where i have no internet and no distraction, maype to rehabilitate
    ( my best streak was 40 days i think, but that was a time before corona, i went to the gym, to basketball, it was summer ...)

    Thank you
  2. Billy93XY

    Billy93XY Fapstronaut

    and i wanted to add something guys. Maybe some of you are familiar with that. The porn i am watching gets more disturbing from time to time. I am watching so fucked up shit like sissy hypno or something, because normal porn doesnt supply enough dopamine anymore
    darkernight likes this.
  3. darkernight

    darkernight Fapstronaut

    Opening a can of worms: get vaccinated so you can go places.

    Or find a place you can go, a friend or family member's house to work. Changing scenery helps a ton. Being around people is good accountability.

    If you can't do that, there are people that do virtual "work buddies" basically video chat online while you work. Try it with a friend, or find someone on here or reddit.
    silentmike likes this.
  4. Billy93XY

    Billy93XY Fapstronaut

    thank you darkernight, vaccination is not a solution for me cause of different issues, but that is not the right place to discuss.

    i am visiting my family three times a week, but even today when they werent at home, i was watching porn at their place.

    The problem for me is the availability of porn. It is free and you can access it anywhere and anytime.
    darkernight likes this.
  5. DiegoSR

    DiegoSR Fapstronaut

    Hi my friend and welcome on NOFAP
    Since you are new here read this:

    Download the PDF, it's free, and read it till the end. It's important because it's full of useful informations about P addiction, a lot of how to.. acronyms used here... In short, read it. It's important for you to begin your journey

    Which i hope you will begin. You can start with a challenge, could be 30 days without PMO. Record your progress here on nofap by creating your Journal and ask for help if you need.

    And let me be blunt, you can't waste your life watching porn or masturbating. STOP that sh*t and your brain will change, you will change, your life will change. You just need determination and consistency

    Good luck
  6. I love my Brain

    I love my Brain Fapstronaut

    Do they want some good advice? Uninstall the blocker.

    It's not the blocker that should prevent you from watching porn, but your power of choice to change your life and live on your own terms.

    The porn blocker is only for the faint of heart who don't trust themselves to ever get it under control.

    After each relapse, they have to analyze very carefully what caused it. They observe themselves and learn something about their own person. And they get better and better.

    Every relapse makes them better if they do their homework. And for this reason, they don't need to be afraid of porn or of relapsing.

    It all happens just so they can learn. But no porn blocker can take away this learning process from them - on the contrary, it even prevents them from learning.

    Yes, we live in a crazy world. If you are restricted because of Corona, then you have to find ways.

    For example, I go to the forest and pick mushrooms and learn something 1-2 new mushrooms or plants every day.

    Where there is a will there is a way. There will always be difficult times. But how to deal with it, that is their decision.

    It is not proper when problems arise to take the easiest way.
    darkernight and DiegoSR like this.
  7. Destroyer of PMO

    Destroyer of PMO Fapstronaut

    For your computer try leech block, you can also lock Google safe search, and if you have a MAC you can use screen time to your advantage.
  8. darkernight

    darkernight Fapstronaut

    Get comfortable with the fact that you will never change that reality. The only thing you can change is your mind and your actions.
  9. Jeandel30brd2132

    Jeandel30brd2132 Fapstronaut

  10. Same approach here. No blockers. There are enough temptations in real life that porn blockers won't prevent. Learning to deal with the problem head on has been the only thing that has worked for me.

    Working out is good idea since you are locked down. I would find something else to obsess about and put your energy into that (new language, exercise, meditation, cooking, etc.)
    Fantareality and I love my Brain like this.
  11. silentmike

    silentmike Fapstronaut

    There is no easy path here, you need to convince yourself that P. is harming you and you dont want it any more. You will probably never find an equivalent source of dopamine as P. is giving you, but you may realize that you dont really need that much dopamine, with time you body will relearn that - but until that time you need to do a hard work of not only staying away from P., but also from thinking about it!

    Actually, nature made us so that we are being given a reward (in a form od dopamine boost) when we achive hard things - so doing hard things and may be your new source of dopamine.
    Fantareality likes this.
  12. Long Range

    Long Range Fapstronaut

    I don't blame you for not getting vaxxed. I think that you may want to start to make friends with others who have not been injected as you will likely find that you have alot in common. Hang in there.

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