Need Motivation.

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by kingbob3, Nov 23, 2018.

  1. kingbob3

    kingbob3 Fapstronaut

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    I am a 24year old fapstronaut, its has been a 52days streak of my nofap journey.
    I am applying for MS in US, so while applying I keep on looking for hot girls in that college, and end up watching strip club videos of those cities in which I am applying for my MS and then I visualize myself enjoying in those clubs amidst those beautiful strippers next year when I will be there. In the process I watched those beautiful strippers twerking and dancing, and I saw some of them naked. In the process I continuously affirmed myself that I am not watching those scantily clothed women with the eyes of lust.
    But since I am a male and my brain was getting dopamine I could not stop myself and I kept on watching the videos for hours, without touching myself. I got aroused and I had pre cum many times.
    But the good news is that after hours of this filthy activity I did not end up fapping and no orgasm achieved.
    Now why I am describing this here so bluntly is because I know how the brain works, I didnt achieve orgasm but my mind got the dopamine, and when the dopamine is released even in small amounts its leave behinds some trails of proteins so that our brain can recall the source from where it got its dopamine, this means after such a long journey of nofap, I expect a complete reboot after 90days but sadly I wont get that and most importantly there are chance I might repeat that behaviour again affirming myself that I am not fapping I am just watching.
    This filthy behaviour gave me guilt in the morning, so fellow fapstraunauts please motivate me, I still believe I am going robust with my 52day streak.

    God Bless The Human Race.
     
    Wet dreamz, Badme and uriv1986 like this.
  2. uriv1986

    uriv1986 New Fapstronaut

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    It's cool, but I really wouldn't do it again :) . I heard somewhere someone say sometimes it's better not to even gaze upon the things we cannot have. As for me, I'd flee from all stimuli that even remotely contributes to MO. Cut out the P and no MO.

    Still, I have to congratulate your self-control under pressure! Only next time, perhaps, consider that you might not have that same self-control! Take care... and keep up your great streak! :cool::emoji_military_medal::emoji_clap:
     
    Badme, salvacion_a_888 and kingbob3 like this.
  3. kingbob3

    kingbob3 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks a lot, appreciate your words.
    I will also not repeat that again, because that is how the brain works, I watched a few music videos in the morning too, and then I took a cold shower all those feelings gone. This means that dopamine was released in small amounts, and when it was satiated I pulled back. And the best news nofap going robust with a streak of proud 53days.
    I fear I might repeat the same thing since when dopamine fades away it leave behind trails so that the brain remembers how to get the dopamine again whenever it has a craving. So in order to defend that I am making a decision that I won't watch youtube for next 50days and will not google images for next 50 days as well, I will delete the stimuli in my life.
    My short term goal is to reach a 90day reboot by hook or crook.
    Once achieved I will have hobson's choice to continue this beautiful art of living and most probably I will know what it feels like to abstain from all the filth in life.
    It is an indefatigable journey to be at your level 10 best.
    I hope you will take my mistakes as a motivation in your streak.
    I appreciate your help, you acted like a godsend messenger to me.
    Best Regards to you and all the very best on your streak as well.

    God Bless The Human Race.
     
    uriv1986 likes this.
  4. I would echo what @uriv1986 said. You're doing great, man, and, given the abundance of sexualized images of women's bodies in our culture, seeing arousing material, online or elsewhere, is inevitable. Next time just don't linger. If you're like me, that lingering, and that exploiting the grey area, will eventually lead to relapse. You're playing with fire, and it's gonna burn you, it's only a matter of time.
     
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  5. kingbob3

    kingbob3 Fapstronaut

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    Appreciate it, will look into with gravity and make sure I do not get near fire next. I am at ease now, all the rush gone. Thanks
     
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  6. kingbob3

    kingbob3 Fapstronaut

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    There must be some kind of regime developed like panic button. Which must work very efficiently. Like this panic button, it works but if mind is filled with dopamine it is very easy to open a new tab.
    Regime must require something which can be done easily.
    Apart from cold shower, and hitting the gym
    Some kind of activity which in the spur of the moment filled with the dopamine harmone reminds our brain why it started the journey in the first place.
    Must invlove reading, then writing then meditation and then maybe some pushups, crunches or abs exercise.
     
    uriv1986 likes this.
  7. Reach out and encourage someone else who's struggling. That one's gotten me through many a crisis. And it only takes a minute.
     
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  8. kingbob3

    kingbob3 Fapstronaut

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    thanks will try next time in the period of emergency.
     
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  9. kingbob3

    kingbob3 Fapstronaut

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    Feeling devastated, I broke my first time 61day nonPMO streak yesterday. I was so close to my 90day nofap streak.
    Guilt has filled my life up to the brim.
    I have relapsed earlier also many times, but this was my longest streak ever.
    I think I must qoute what all habit I developed in this journey which led me to fail.
    I developed this habit of watching this scantily clothed women on google images which aroused me, but after 50days I thought my brain has slowly forgotten the reaction to these images, so I kept this habit of regularly seeing these images and feeling proudly that I am unstoppable now.
    I slowly steadily built this habit of surfing google images which gave me dopamine on a small dose, but slowly I entered the zone of naked women I remember I saw Playboy magazine the day before yesterday, I stopped and felt the pride that indeed I am unstoppable my brain has forgotten the activity of touching myself.
    But yesterday somehow some porn content popped up, I refused to continue but few hours later I thought I am unstoppable so I opened the link, felt the guilt but my mind was overflowing with the dopamine, so I thought I have broken the P of PMO, now 30days for just MO, it was just a thought, and few more minutes I was watching videos of girl on girl my weakness, I eventually I did PMO not once not twice but three times.
    Next Morning I feel that I must write down where I went wrong.
    NoFap is a journey and I now know it, that my this long abstaining for this filth will not go away with one relapse. I have the strength to rise again, though I did watched only girl on girl and no more. I fear my mind does not recall all those filthy fantasies again. I dont want to relapse again so today is my day 0.

    I joined this community more than a year ago, but I started writing on this forum as a gift to myself when I reached on my day 45 of this long 61day streak few days back. I thought I dont have anything strong to say until I have a strong number of days backing my words. It was my privilege to write here. Now I wont write for the next 45days. So that I go strong with this life long perpetual habit. I will read on a regular basis so that I dont get deviated. But it was a pleasure being here on the zenith, falling down to zero feels very bad, but we are humans and its our own personnel fight with ourselves we all gotta fight and come out with flying colours.

    Thanks for all the support.
    God bless the human Race.
     
    uriv1986 likes this.

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