Need opinions (sex with friend) (short)

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Awolnation28, Dec 2, 2016.

  1. Awolnation28

    Awolnation28 Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys im on day 60. Doing well. Noticing alot of benefits!! with nofap but also bad withdrawels.

    My problem is. Before my nofap streak, me and a friend who is a girl had a casual relationship going on due to us living too far away. (thats why we choose not to date) (this isnt one night stand, we've been hanging out a long time)

    AND a very common thing on this site seems to be that casual sex is like replacing one addiction for the other. PMO for casual sex.

    Well me and this girl only meet up like once a month. So id hardly call that an addiction. If we were assuming i could control the chaser effect then would it be so bad to call her?

    we have like a real good connection but she lives too far. So we agreed its just casual. mutual understanding. Sometimes we hang and dont even have sex. Were friends with benefits.

    Since my streak of 60 days i have just... stopped talking to her for the most part. It sucks. I miss her.

    EVERY single weekend that passes by i punish myself mentally about "should i call her or not" Ill spend entire weekends wondering if i should call her or if its going to "ruin my mad gains from nofap".

    DEEP down i want to call her and go have a good time but the other part of me thinks i will never have a successful reboot if im having casual sex.

    I feel like i deserve it. Ive made so much progress so quickly. ONLY 2nd attempt at nofap and im on day 60.

    Im pretty confident i can control the chaser effect.
     
  2. SyrusDrake

    SyrusDrake Fapstronaut

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    Part of recovering from over-using porn is rebooting, that is drying out porn-pathways in the brain, and the other part is rewiring, strengthening pathways that deal with real-life situations like touching, caressing, sex.... I think your situation is actually ideal for rewiring so I'd urgently encourage you to get in touch with your friend.
    Maybe talk to her about what you're doing. And if you're nervous about damaging your success, maybe try sex without orgasm or even just cuddling or something. But if you HAVE the chance to interact with a real person during your reboot in this way, I'd say that would be really beneficial.

    Also, YourBrainOnPorn has an entire section about sex during reboot, maybe you find some more advice there.
     
  3. IGY

    IGY Guest

    Just be patient awol. What is a few months of abstinence compared to freedom for the rest of your life?
     
    Porn Free Wanderer likes this.
  4. dammit your probably right...
    Its just that if i dont call her soon, i think i will lose my chance forever. I was hoping someone would side with me the other way lol someone thats done occasional casual sex and still succesfully rebooted.
    I was hoping to hear some of THOSE stories. :p

    But i think your probably right :( unfortunetly

    Thanks IGY
     
  5. Thanks Drake. Really helped to hear your opinion. And im going to check out that website right now.

    Thanks :):) for reply
     
    SyrusDrake likes this.
  6. Frühlingstimme

    Frühlingstimme Fapstronaut

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    If you feel this girl does good to you, then why is it bad? She's a real person, not porn. You're having intimacy with a girl, which is what most guys here want.

    Since you didn't mention having PIED or some serious problem I think you should call her and have a good time. But not if you feel depressed when she leaves, just don't PMO after.
     
    outedskeleton and DiogoFSantos like this.
  7. Yea ive never had problems with PIED. Im just doing nofap because of porn escalation. I was watching some weird fetish stuff... And i think it was effecting me in alot of other ways too.

    I think she does good to me? lol

    Thanks for reply :)
     
  8. SyrusDrake

    SyrusDrake Fapstronaut

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    I mean, what we haven't even yet talked about is that you should call her either way because she's your friend? You can just hang out and have a good time without doing sexy stuff...
     
  9. Yea i agree dude. but im pretty sure if we hung out we would have sex.
    Like she ALWAYS wants to. And then its up to me to say no which... im 60 days into nofap. I dont think i could say no... So thats why i have been avoiding her.
    If shes right in front of me, ready to go, i dont think i can say no.
     
  10. Ive decided to go with Igys advice... I dont know why but i think in my situation hes right. Its not what i want to hear. But my gut says its right...
    And then after i decided NOT to call this girl today. I actually had a spectaular day. Just lonely.

    Ive noticed such dastric progress with nofap. Like never before. I cant give up now! I wont! even if that means turning down a casual sex :( god i want a girl so bad. A good girlfriend. I hope nofap leads me to a good loving girlfriend. Thats all i want.

    Thanks everyone for the input.
     
  11. SyrusDrake

    SyrusDrake Fapstronaut

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    Same.

    Btw, I still contend you should at least let her know what you're doing and why you can't see her right now. It's just feels a bit dickish to cut all contact to a friend...
    Just my two cents.
     
    Frühlingstimme likes this.
  12. Yea your right... i just dont know what to say... i got some thinking to do
     
  13. SyrusDrake

    SyrusDrake Fapstronaut

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    I don't know a lot about human interaction. But a few weeks back, I learned from experience that just being honest and straight-forward usually works best.
    "I really like you as a friend and I consider myself lucky to have you in my life but right now, as much as I'd want to, I can't have sex with you." Something like that...
     
  14. Awolnation28

    Awolnation28 Fapstronaut

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    why so little response to this?
    I was hoping to see some experiences of other guys who HAVE taken the route of continuing to have casual sex during reboot.

    Surely this is a common thing on here that guys expereince? i would think that there would be some guys who CHOSE to keep having casual sex during reboot and im interested in their stories and what they learned.

    The weekend is coming and i want to call this girl to have drunk casual sex.
    PLease reply
     
  15. outedskeleton

    outedskeleton Fapstronaut

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    There was probably little response because you said you made up your mind.

    @SyrusDrake gave you a pretty good answer but I honestly don't think your indecision about this has anything to do with nofap. I think you're having difficulty deciding just how casual you want this relationship to be and/or whether you really want a casual relationship.
     
    SyrusDrake likes this.
  16. You don't have to go far on this site to read people's experiences about how sex slows down their reboot. Take that information for what it is, but don't look for people to tell you what you want to hear, so you can feel better about having drunk casual sex. If you want to be serious about your reboot then keep your shit in your pants. If you don't mind taking a longer time to reboot and using your friend's squish mitten as a substitute for your hand, then shut up and go fuck your buddy.
     
  17. NicoRobocop

    NicoRobocop Fapstronaut

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    Hello!
    Im at 60th day today, I can see some similarities in your story with mine.
    Im in hard mode not having any kind of orgasm, but I m seeing couple of different girls that sometimes blowjob me or touch me, and yesterday I also had penetration without orgasm.
    Meditation is helping so much to gain control over my need to cum, and I can channel my energy towards some other areas of my life!!
    My main goal here is to leave porn and masturbation, and to find the right girl for me, but my dating life style is a mess!!
    I feel that I'm having so much benefits like you, and i think that you can do what you feel right in you rebooting, for me having some connection in this moment is working fine, and I m also learning how to control stimulus
     
  18. Awolnation28

    Awolnation28 Fapstronaut

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    i'm not using her squish mitten as a substitute for my hand...
    it's so much more than that. we cuddle and i caress her for hours. massaging her.

    and we just get intimate with each other. extended eye contact and all that.

    you exaggerate and over simplify.

    and i don't think there's really a one sided answer as you see it. sometimes casual sex can be good for the reboot. it's called rewiring. yet you make t seem like a black and white issue. i've done endless research on this site and i don't know. maybe we're reading different websites?? cuz from what i've seen it's not a clear cut issue. there's opinions on both sides.
     
  19. Darkstar 22.84

    Darkstar 22.84 Fapstronaut

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    @Awolnation28

    I had casual sex during my reboot. It didn't end well, the relationship ended and so did my reboot.
    But I only failed because I accepted to be a part of a casual thing.
    Sex shouldn't be casual, in my opinion.

    It should be intimate and only done with a person who's willing to go the extra mile.
    Perhaps your friend has already fallen in love with you.

    No sex is casual, in my opinion. It's so fucking private that to think it has NO EFFECT on the mind & body is silly.
    You will get attached. If not you, than her.

    Sooner or later, someone gets hurt.

    But yeah, having sex with a real person does wonders for the reboot.
    That's how I reached my 40 + Days.
    The other person helped a lot.

    But it would've worked even better if we were both in love.
    Not just me.


    Hope this helps.
    It's also my opinion and not all guys are the same.

    Darkstar Over & Out
     

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