Need some advice on approaching this woman...

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Ace12, Nov 24, 2017.

  1. Ace12

    Ace12 Fapstronaut

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    Not going to make this too long but basically I've kinda found this woman that I saw at the gym extremely attractive. I don't what it is about her, there are other women in my gym who are prettier and well...wear less than her but I find this one woman so attractive. I've been trying to reboot for a while now, relapses here and there but I'm getting there I think. I feel as much as I want to reboot I need to try socialising with people as well. I'm usually quite shy and avoid talking to people when I can so the idea of approaching a woman I don't know is sending my pulse through the roof. I had a chance to say something to her last weekend, she was leaving the same time I was. But as always when it comes to women I chickened out, I didn't even look at her and I went home kicking myself. All my friends and my cousins approach women like it is so easy, I wish I was like them. I've never been able to do it. They always just say if I see a girl I like just talk to her, if only it were so simple. I just have no idea what to say, how to start a conversation and keep it flowing and how to not come across as a creep (this is my biggest fear, coming across as a creep). All I know at this point is that I will only approach her if by chance we leave at the same time, trying to talk to a woman in the gym while she's working out isn't smart. I've seen so many guys fail trying to do it. Can anyone help a brother out and give me some advice?
     
    timjohn12345 likes this.
  2. I've been in your situation a few times and unfortunately did absolutely nothing. You can do the same, or you can take the risk. My advice would be to take the risk. You can get over rejection rather quickly, but regret is permanent. The most successful people face a lot of rejection, but have few regrets. May sound generic, but it's true. Visualize yourself making a successful approach and then actualize. Let us know how it goes and good luck:)
     
  3. thel00ker

    thel00ker Fapstronaut

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    I think you're putting too much pressure on yourself, and this makes every interaction a struggle. Remember the objective is to talk about anything. You can go and ask her about something like an event nearby or where does she buy her clothes.. it can be about anything. I used to think that in order to hit on a girl you had to say a magical series of things in order to get her attention but if you just talk about something you're passionate about o something you're interested in that's enough.
    don't get ahead of yourself, the objective is to talk not fuck her. porn gives us a very twisted idea of how these interactions work. Maybe you can try talking with someone else instead of her first until you relax about the whole thing.
     
    RealMe likes this.
  4. Ace12

    Ace12 Fapstronaut

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    @Righthandman76 I think that if I get another chance I will try. I feel like I won't develop if I keep avoiding these situations. My main problem is that first contact.
    @thel00ker don't worry bro, that is the last thing on my mind! I'm so far away from doing that, I want to get to know her.
     
  5. Take the risk, talk to her, who knows she might be the person that stops you from relapsing when the urges wont stop. Good luck and Godspeed.
     
  6. Try to approach her while she's leaving so it isn't awkward. Since she sees you regularly she won't be caught off guard completely. Just have a normal conversation with her whats the worst that can happen? oh you might have to go to a different gym jk
     
  7. Hitto

    Hitto Fapstronaut

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    The first step is to realize you are not your cousins or friends and you should never want be someone else or make comparisons to others that just leads to suffering and mental anguish take baby steps I still try to avoid taking to some women or very shy at some points but I'm better than I ever was and geting better each day and if you are coming from a place of fear you are going to project that same fear no one is going to make you happy but yourselves so each day try to get better and be detached from outcomes and live in the present moment anything else is just your mind unconsciously feeding of thoughts of the past and or future thinking too much is a curse
     
    Ace12 likes this.
  8. Hitto

    Hitto Fapstronaut

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    It's the honest truth brother those people have mindsets of abundance and are fufilling their inner purpose by facing rejection and being detached from it and just living in the moment and appreciating your journey each and every day that is being successful just being grateful and living that is our true selves free of thought and outcomes just being one with ourselves and god that's where true connection manifests
     
    Sc8r51o1n and Ace12 like this.
  9. Mankrik

    Mankrik Fapstronaut

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    Hey I think I've seen you here before my name's x what's your name? Hey x you seem cool. So how long have you been going to this gym? Do you like it? Etc. Etc. Work your way towards hey x we should go out sometime. So x I was wondering if you might want to hang out sometime. You could write your phone down beforehand and hand it to her and say you should call me sometime. You might have to come up with clever responses on the spot but just relax and be yourself. Seem genuinely interested. It's not about what you say but how you say it. It's really hard but honestly not much is going to happen if you don't take control and initiate interaction. It doesn't matter if you mess up. She's probably just as nervous as you. Good luck i believe in you.
     
    Ace12 likes this.
  10. pranav02

    pranav02 Fapstronaut

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    Tell us how it goes. You have nothing to lose :)
     
  11. Ace12

    Ace12 Fapstronaut

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    Not really an update lol but I haven't actually been to the gym for a little while thanks to an injury. I'm hoping to go today. What I do not need is a repeat of what happened yesterday. I saw a really cute girl working behind a kiosk at my job. I thought to myself it might be good practise (not to sound bad) and who knows what might happen. Well, I tried to think about the right time to start a conversation. I rehearsed what I was going to open with dozens of times. By that point I had grown too nervous, my pulse just kept rising and my breathing was heavy and I said nothing. I was in the vicinity of this girl for 5 hours of my shift. Even though it is a fail, I have learnt somethings. There is no such thing as a right time. Just go and do it, the more you think the more you worry. That feeling of defeat and regret isn't fun. I guess you could say it has made me more determined to at least make conversation if I see the girl from my gym. Hopefully I will have some follow up where I actually speak to the girl lol.
     
    Hitto and Sc8r51o1n like this.
  12. Sc8r51o1n

    Sc8r51o1n Fapstronaut

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    I still haven't opened a talk to a stranger intentionally.
    Funny enough the last time I was looking at magnets in a bar and commented on them, and the girl there responded and we talked.
    Funny enough, she was the first to ask of my name (good sign).

    So there is the trick - make comments and questions about the things around you to start your conversation. And then grow the conversation into something interesting and funny in order it develops, otherwise it will get dull. Associations game can help you to jump into the next topic.

    Goodluck with the girl.
     
  13. Hitto

    Hitto Fapstronaut

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    Same bro I still have that problem but now I know thinking is worst possible thing to do lol
     

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