Need your advice guys..stuck bad!

Bilal Shahid

Bilal Shahid

Fapstronaut
23 years old here, software engineer with a good paying job, masterbating 2-3 times a day or more, on junk food, and cant focus for more than an hour.

Now I have had a 90 day streak before, where when I stopped for 90 days, I had mental clarity, peace, was focused, determined and could concentrate without worrying. Ever since my girlfriend cheated on me, I have started relapsing, due to low self confidence and am destroying myself. It's either soda, junk food, or porn.

I can do a streak again, but I dont know if I do the streak of 90 days, will I ever be able to focus again? Will i get my health back? All these questions make me lose motivation. Whenever, I go on a streak, I cant focus on anything else, its like a flatline. I try to work more on my career, do something but I cant. I am stuck bad. I dont do drugs, cigarette, alcohol nothing. Just Porn and fap is my problem.

I dont know if I should stop Porn anymore, why should I? What if I do, and I stay the same, in flatline. I gym and I do other stuff but I lose motivation after 2 days max. I cant do anything and then return back to relapse. I cant do more than one thing at once and am stuck, my mind constantly ruminates.

Fellow fapstronauts, please advise me what to do, how to go forward from here, with absolute certainty that everythings gonna be okay. I wanna focus, work again but I cant. I dont wanna move on.

Should I push myself to work hard in my career, I end up masterbating, should I push myself to stop masterbation, I dont study, its a flatline
 
Sorry to hear you've had a rough one. Well, the way I look at it – it's obvious that you have a problem with porn and it's not compatible with a healthy life for you. So you need to give it up. You can start nofap hard mode now and heal or let your problems get worse and the reboot will harder with continued use. I know it feels like a rough solution, and it is, but it's the only way we know.

I managed to perform at a high level at work, even with flatline. Coffee and some naps got me through it. And it's not PAWS constantly, it tends to be a two-week rough patch and then a few good days and repeat. And then the PAWS cycles get easier as we go forward.

You're not always going to feel good about doing things, but you need to do them anyway. It's an amazing life skill. You can do it!
 
I am on day 150 NoFap, no PMO, no sex

You need to stop now until you get old. Every year that you engage in this terrible habit you will do untold damage to yourself

I would rather die than fap my Willie.

Unless you develop a real desire to stop, you will never stop.

To get motivation to stop you will probably need to go through so much more pain.
The earlier you stop, less pain you will experience.

It's an awful sickness. Take it from a 40 year old man. I had 23 years of high speed internet P use. This sickness ruined my life.
 
thetruth19) said:
Sorry to hear you've had a rough one. Well, the way I look at it – it's obvious that you have a problem with porn and it's not compatible with a healthy life for you. So you need to give it up. You can start nofap hard mode now and heal or let your problems get worse and the reboot will harder with continued use. I know it feels like a rough solution, and it is, but it's the only way we know.

I managed to perform at a high level at work, even with flatline. Coffee and some naps got me through it. And it's not PAWS constantly, it tends to be a two-week rough patch and then a few good days and repeat. And then the PAWS cycles get easier as we go forward.

You're not always going to feel good about doing things, but you need to do them anyway. It's an amazing life skill. You can do it!
Click to expand...
Thanks alot for your reply! So what do i do if I am unable to complete a task some day? I feel bad about it and relapse, maybe I was unable to concentrate or something? What do i do?
 
Be Inspired said:
I am on day 150 NoFap, no PMO, no sex

You need to stop now until you get old. Every year that you engage in this terrible habit you will do untold damage to yourself

I would rather die than fap my Willie.

Unless you develop a real desire to stop, you will never stop.

To get motivation to stop you will probably need to go through so much more pain.
The earlier you stop, less pain you will experience.

It's an awful sickness. Take it from a 40 year old man. I had 23 years of high speed internet P use. This sickness ruined my life.
Click to expand...
I am sorry to hear that. But can you tell me how it ruined your life?
 
Bilal Shahid said:
I am sorry to hear that. But can you tell me how it ruined your life?
Click to expand...

Where do I start?
1. Porn Ruined all of my relationships, including a broken engagement
2. Abandoned careers, walked away from High paying jobs because no motivation
3. Long-term Depression
4. Nothing brings enjoyment anymore
5. Years spent in urologists office, painful and expensive treatments
6. Erectile dysfunction
7. Thousands of hours spent looking at porn
8. Hundreds of nights of sleep lost
9. Made me resort to alcohol and drug use
10. Chronic fear and anxiety of being discovered
11. Lack of self-esteem because of being a secret PMO addict


Is that enough for you?

This addiction will destroy you and everything worth living for. You will either address it now or come back and deal with these same issues in 10 years or 20 years.

Good luck
 
Be Inspired said:
Where do I start?
1. Porn Ruined all of my relationships, including a broken engagement
2. Abandoned careers, walked away from High paying jobs because no motivation
3. Long-term Depression
4. Nothing brings enjoyment anymore
5. Years spent in urologists office, painful and expensive treatments
6. Erectile dysfunction
7. Thousands of hours spent looking at porn
8. Hundreds of nights of sleep lost
9. Made me resort to alcohol and drug use
10. Chronic fear and anxiety of being discovered
11. Lack of self-esteem because of being a secret PMO addict


Is that enough for you?

This addiction will destroy you and everything worth living for. You will either address it now or come back and deal with these same issues in 10 years or 20 years.

Good luck
Click to expand...
Hey man I am sorry. Really sorry. I am glad you are on day 150 now and getting better. Thanks for your reply. This gets me motivated to do better.
 
Be Inspired said:
Where do I start?
1. Porn Ruined all of my relationships, including a broken engagement
2. Abandoned careers, walked away from High paying jobs because no motivation
3. Long-term Depression
4. Nothing brings enjoyment anymore
5. Years spent in urologists office, painful and expensive treatments
6. Erectile dysfunction
7. Thousands of hours spent looking at porn
8. Hundreds of nights of sleep lost
9. Made me resort to alcohol and drug use
10. Chronic fear and anxiety of being discovered
11. Lack of self-esteem because of being a secret PMO addict


Is that enough for you?

This addiction will destroy you and everything worth living for. You will either address it now or come back and deal with these same issues in 10 years or 20 years.

Good luck
Click to expand...

May I ask, how bad was your erectile dysfunction before quitting porn? Did you have flatline-like symptoms (ie shriveled penis) before quitting the porn or not? I ask because I'm experiencing something similar.

Sorry. I don't mean to hijack the topic.
 
thetruth19) said:
Sorry to hear you've had a rough one. Well, the way I look at it – it's obvious that you have a problem with porn and it's not compatible with a healthy life for you. So you need to give it up. You can start nofap hard mode now and heal or let your problems get worse and the reboot will harder with continued use. I know it feels like a rough solution, and it is, but it's the only way we know.

I managed to perform at a high level at work, even with flatline. Coffee and some naps got me through it. And it's not PAWS constantly, it tends to be a two-week rough patch and then a few good days and repeat. And then the PAWS cycles get easier as we go forward.

You're not always going to feel good about doing things, but you need to do them anyway. It's an amazing life skill. You can do it!
Click to expand...
Couldn't have said it better myself. I second this, OP.

Wishing you all the best. Sorry about your ex cheating on you, that sucks.
 
Bilal Shahid said:
when I stopped for 90 days, I had mental clarity, peace, was focused, determined and could concentrate without worrying.
Click to expand...

You have personal evidence that 90 days had you feeling great about yourself. That's the way to get back.

Why are you caught up with questions of whether or not you'll flatline? And what if you do flatline? So what? At least you'll be avoiding these habits that you recognize are destroying your focus and motivation.
 
Anonymous86 said:
May I ask, how bad was your erectile dysfunction before quitting porn? Did you have flatline-like symptoms (ie shriveled penis) before quitting the porn or not? I ask because I'm experiencing something similar.

Sorry. I don't mean to hijack the topic.
Click to expand...


Hi, Yes, my erectile function decreased significantly over the years before I quit P. My last strong morning erection happened around 2018. P addiction in combination with pathological M gave me lots of male health issues.
 
Bilal Shahid said:
Now I have had a 90 day streak before, where when I stopped for 90 days, I had mental clarity, peace, was focused, determined and could concentrate without worrying. Ever since my girlfriend cheated on me, I have started relapsing, due to low self confidence and am destroying myself. It's either soda, junk food, or porn.
Click to expand...

So are you going to put yourself down in the gutter forever for a girl who doesn't even love you? You're only 23 now. Try to imagine yourself doing porn for the rest of your life, because it is a lifelong addiction. Many guys on this site have been doing it for 10 years, 20 years, 30 years, or longer! Is that the lifestyle you want to choose for yourself, because a girl did you wrong at one point in time? Does that make sense?

Bilal Shahid said:
Should I push myself to work hard in my career, I end up masterbating, should I push myself to stop masterbation, I dont study, its a flatline
Click to expand...

This is just the addiction talking. A person may stop masturbating for some days but he is still thinking in the back of his mind that he's going to go back to it. There's no recovery benefits that way except maybe a temporary testosterone boost, and not every guy will even get that, because you have to have everything else right like diet, exercise, sleep, etc. The real benefits come from the freedom of having the dark shadows gone from the back of your mind, the brightness back in your eyes, your motivation returned, clear thinking etc. You won't get that unless you TRULY leave porn behind you and face yourself in the mirror as a free man!
 
Be Inspired said:
Hi, Yes, my erectile function decreased significantly over the years before I quit P. My last strong morning erection happened around 2018. P addiction in combination with pathological M gave me lots of male health issues.
Click to expand...

Hi. Yeah, I had a sudden loss of erectile function after a single masturbation session to porn (prior to that I was edging and masturbating to porn semi-frequently since my early twenties). After that, brain fog and anhedonia along with what I think are the flatline symptoms arrived and manifested.

It's very difficult to deal with here. I haven't been able to quit since then and I've pretty much have had barely any erections or any morning wood since.
 
Hi, I've had the same thing going on for a lot of years noticing that I should stop but I just stop feeling the need to keep myself on the right path after a few days.
There's a very good book that helped me I will attach it to this message. It debunks all the reasons why our conditioned mind always return to this habit once we are not on the dopamine rollercoaster anymore and shows you how to not desire this addiction anymore. You can decide to quit at day 1 but day 2-3 you feel like this wouldn't make a difference so you fall back into relapses, thinking that this nofap thing isnt something to worry about. This book shows you how this poison that always seems so pleasurable tricks you to relapse and will answer all the underlying questions that comes to mind. For example social media, social circles, or "This is the only pleasure I have, let me enjoy it so I can relax.." The aftermath though is always the opposite and instead of relaxing us and giving us pleasure, it saps our ability to enjoy the normal pleasures of life and makes us uneasy instead of relaxed in the future because we're craving the next numbing hit! From each relapse we crave something more!

There's plenty of smart things in this short book that shows you how your mind tricks you to believe that this poison is beneficial to you. I hope that you give it a read so you can give this up. God bless.
 

Attachments

Anonymous86 said:
Hi. Yeah, I had a sudden loss of erectile function after a single masturbation session to porn (prior to that I was edging and masturbating to porn semi-frequently since my early twenties). After that, brain fog and anhedonia along with what I think are the flatline symptoms arrived and manifested.

It's very difficult to deal with here. I haven't been able to quit since then and I've pretty much have had barely any erections or any morning wood since.
Click to expand...


I had a similar experience approximately 5 years ago. I was a P addict for years before then. After a single P session with M to O, I felt something happen "down there". It's as if I strained my member too much with the manual pressure and the internal blood pressure and it lost its structural integrity. And after that I felt a significant reduction in the erection firmness. Even after that I could not give up PMO forever. This is a terrible addiction.
 
Bilal Shahid said:
Thanks alot for your reply! So what do i do if I am unable to complete a task some day? I feel bad about it and relapse, maybe I was unable to concentrate or something? What do i do?
Click to expand...

Well if you keep watching porn, your problems will get much worse – what if you can't do the task then? You're going to have really tough days, whether you have a porn problem or not. We all do. Better to go through the ups and downs of recovery now right – before it gets awful?

Create some strategies that are healthy ways to cope with the inevitable ups and downs of life. The gym, playing sports, joining a club, starting a business or a meetup etc. Without fully committing to leave porn behind, you'll keep going back to it every time you have a bad day. And this is my story, and this is just pointless and horribly destructive as you are half in and half out which basically means you live in a constant state of flatline.

You have a great job. Lots of people would love to do that for a living; be kind to yourself and quit now. Porn will never do anything for you other than steal your time, sexual and mental health. Leave it behind man!
 
Be Inspired said:
I had a similar experience approximately 5 years ago. I was a P addict for years before then. After a single P session with M to O, I felt something happen "down there". It's as if I strained my member too much with the manual pressure and the internal blood pressure and it lost its structural integrity. And after that I felt a significant reduction in the erection firmness. Even after that I could not give up PMO forever. This is a terrible addiction.
Click to expand...

Oh wow, so a similar case to mine. Have you noticed any physical or psychological improvements once you went on a streak or are you still struggling? Sorry. If you need to move this to DM, let me know.
 
I see MB as a symptom of deeper rooted problems that I need to identify and address. And if I don't expose these problems, they will continue to subconsciously undermine and sabotage my conscious efforts to stop the behavior.

The first problem of mine is one that most of us share. That is the problem of connection. Connection, for me, is having a group of other men that know me and are encouraging my personal and spiritual growth. I can find that at a 12-step group, or Celebrate Recovery, or a church group, or an online meeting, or even forums. My observation is that most members on this site lack adequate connection. And that's a problem; a serious one; much bigger than our fapping. Lack of connection puts one at a huge disadvantage when it comes to stopping it's symptoms. So when someone ask me for direction, that's one of the first things I'll address.
 
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