Need your advise ASAP on Decision making ability

F

fapstraunaut90

Fapstronaut
So I am in a situation where I have to take a decision but the problem is that I have never taken much decisions on my own in my life. They have been influenced and imposed on me by my environment. I am 22 years old and frankly I don't feel good about this. I am so afraid of taking a decision on my own that I keep on asking anyone and everyone (just like I am doing here). So how to break this cycle is my question? How do get out of this habit while still living in an environment where people or circumstances and my own fears try to control me or rather just completely decapitate my attempt to overcome this. You'll laugh at how trivial decision making situations throw me into a fit(like whether I should go/want to go to my convocation or not). Part of this Nofap thing for me was to improve myself and actually become a mentally and emotionally stronger being. So if you guys have any suggestions please post it below.
Thanks :)
 
So certainly therapy can likely help develop decision making tools. I’m not familiar with what therapies specifically would help though.

Outside of that, I think a general process would start in learning how to recognize when you are avoiding making a decision. Pay attention to how you respond each day. Write those instances down. Once you’ve identified that, start with little things. If you’re having trouble deciding which shoes to wear, pick a pair. At the end of the day, journal about what the experience was like with the choice you made. Don’t dwell on how things could have been if you chose the other shoes. Appreciate the consequences of the decision. Now that doesn’t mean it has to be all positive. For example, you could write, “I decided to go hiking in my flip flops. The flip flops did not provide adequate protection from sticks and stones, and they kept falling off. I now know not to wear flip flops while hiking in the future.” That’s different from beating yourself up over making a “wrong” choice.

As time goes on you may find yourself making bigger decisions. On the big ones, it’s okay to ask others for advice. But remember, it’s your decision, not theirs.
 
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Put yourself in situation that are outside of your comfort zone. It could be to speak in public, be part of a sport team, to make backpacking vacation in Europe. You will end up in situation where you have to take decisions quickly without knowing exactly everything what is going on. Then afterwards you will realise that you have a good intuition on some aspects and other time you can take decisions you can only laugh at them afterwards. You will also understand in what kind of situation you have good instinct and you will then work to be in that situation before having to decide.
 
sparkywantsnoPMO said:
So certainly therapy can likely help develop decision making tools. I’m not familiar with what therapies specifically would help though.

Outside of that, I think a general process would start in learning how to recognize when you are avoiding making a decision. Pay attention to how you respond each day. Write those instances down. Once you’ve identified that, start with little things. If you’re having trouble deciding which shoes to wear, pick a pair. At the end of the day, journal about what the experience was like with the choice you made. Don’t dwell on how things could have been if you chose the other shoes. Appreciate the consequences of the decision. Now that doesn’t mean it has to be all positive. For example, you could write, “I decided to fo hiking in my flip flops. The flip flops did not provide adequate protection from sticks and stones, and they kept falling off. I now know not to wear flip flops while hiking in the future.” That’s different from beating yourself up over making a “wrong” choice.

As time goes on you may find yourself making bigger decisions. On the big ones, it’s okay to ask others for advice. But remember, it’s your decision, not theirs.
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Thanks for the advice :)
 
fapstraunaut90 said:
So I am in a situation where I have to take a decision but the problem is that I have never taken much decisions on my own in my life. They have been influenced and imposed on me by my environment. I am 22 years old and frankly I don't feel good about this. I am so afraid of taking a decision on my own that I keep on asking anyone and everyone (just like I am doing here). So how to break this cycle is my question? How do get out of this habit while still living in an environment where people or circumstances and my own fears try to control me or rather just completely decapitate my attempt to overcome this. You'll laugh at how trivial decision making situations throw me into a fit(like whether I should go/want to go to my convocation or not). Part of this Nofap thing for me was to improve myself and actually become a mentally and emotionally stronger being. So if you guys have any suggestions please post it below.
Thanks :)
Click to expand...
I learned to say a prayer and ask my innerself what to order on the menu or what clothes to wear and then listen to that still inner voice and go with it.. over time i learned to trust it.. everytime i followed the inner voice things worked out, everytime i doubted it, not so well.. now i journal and ask the questions and then write the answer free form. Its like praying and listening.. i learned to trust my inner voice the inner knower over time.
 
Fork2323 said:
I learned to say a prayer and ask my innerself what to order on the menu or what clothes to wear and then listen to that still inner voice and go with it.. over time i learned to trust it.. everytime i followed the inner voice things worked out, everytime i doubted it, not so well.. now i journal and ask the questions and then write the answer free form. Its like praying and listening.. i learned to trust my inner voice the inner knower over time.
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What kind of prayer ? I mean anything specific or just asking your innerself and then free form writing.
 
I dont think there is any absolute answer. at times we make good decisions, at times we make bad ones. at times friends give us good advice, at times they give us advice that send us into a mess. so there is no answer on how to make decisions.

once my colleague(very senior one) was about to send an angry email to the hr. the colleague's friend adviced him to send the email. both of them thought it was a good idea to send the email. a third colleauge stopped them at the last moment.

so yeah. at times we goof up, at times we dont. at times we need to change our decision, at times we stick with the one we've made.

maybe knowledge helps. also dont make any decision in haste.

regarding convocation. if you have friends then go along. else dont. i once went to a party where there were acquaintances but no friends and it wasn't the best experience.
 
recoome said:
I dont think there is any absolute answer. at times we make good decisions, at times we make bad ones. at times friends give us good advice, at times they give us advice that send us into a mess. so there is no answer on how to make decisions.

once my colleague(very senior one) was about to send an angry email to the hr. the colleague's friend adviced him to send the email. both of them thought it was a good idea to send the email. a third colleauge stopped them at the last moment.

so yeah. at times we goof up, at times we dont. at times we need to change our decision, at times we stick with the one we've made.

maybe knowledge helps. also dont make any decision in haste.

regarding convocation. if you have friends then go along. else dont. i once went to a party where there were acquaintances but no friends and it wasn't the best experience.
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Thanks for the advice :)
 
even nature makes bad decisions. tigers succeed in only 2 out of 10 hunting attempts. that's what animal planet / nat geo said.
 
Don't be hard on yourself, decision making is very hard in 2017. There are numerous options for everyone and it can be exhausting. This guy talks about it here. ( Note: This video is 10 years old and things have got even more difficult! ) My view is that it is linked to perfectionism, I want to make the best possible decision and this stops me making any decision... I have realised that it is better to make a decision than none at all.

 
Millenial said:
Don't be hard on yourself, decision making is very hard in 2017. There are numerous options for everyone and it can be exhausting. This guy talks about it here. ( Note: This video is 10 years old and things have got even more difficult! ) My view is that it is linked to perfectionism, I want to make the best possible decision and this stops me making any decision... I have realised that it is better to make a decision than none at all.

Click to expand...
I think this is a major problem with me, the chase of perfectionism and the fear of making a mistake. I'll watch this video. Thanks :)
 
I once went to a seminar where the speaker said,
'any decision isn't the end of your life. you have more feats to achieve, more milestones to achieve.' so that helps me steer away from perfection. there are other things to achieve in life than make one perfect decision.
 
I'm hazarding a guess... that your parents tell you what to do and you feel like you have no choice in it?

In the 16th century, St Ignatius of Loyola compiled a set of principles for making decisions, or what we call the discernment of spirits. Here's a short intro you can read, with links to more detailed resources when you are ready to explore deeper.
 
This question is bigger than perhaps you initially imagined. I think about this all the time. There is a whole other aspect to this beyond avoiding the anxiety of making the wrong choice... which seems to be what's troubling you.

So at the risk of making you more anxious:

How you make decisions is really at the root of being a good person, happiness, having a fulfilling life... and more apropos: not being a PMOer.

Falling back into PMO is, after all, another bad decision. Does our environment really influence us? Or is that an excuse? Do we not have the choice to *not* let it influence you? Are we deciding to let it push our buttons (by soaking up and indulging in a soft porn ad for instance)?
There is certainly part of our mind that is continually engaged in the whole "devil whispering in your ear on one shoulder angel on the other" kind of scenario. Being of 'different minds', closet schizophrenics if you will, is a pretty insightful model to the human mind I find.

But let's break down the angel / devil thing. Because the angel voice could be social conditioning/guilt and not really 'good' in any real sense... and the devil could be your body and mind needing you to relax... I believe the real solution to this is reason, logical thought, with an affection for yourself.. not an affection which fulfills impulses.. but rather an affection more like an ideal parent / lover.

Every voice in your head has a 'motive' for pushing for a particular decision. The motives can be good while the decision is bad. In my case my emotional issues cause pain... the default reaction is to seek relief from this pain... through PMO. The voice, the thought, seeking relief is really looking out for me, it's a good thing, but it's idea of how to go about it (PMO) is stupid and self defeating. So I look for a different way to give myself relief that does not hurt me
 
Not sure if this will help but the way i do it is just making a deadline for youself if you have time to think, or if it is something you have to decide in the moment just do it, if you choose the "wrong" thing, it doesn't really matter, there will always be more opportunities and you at least lean from it.
Just decide and have a sense of responsibility, in the way that you know, and admit to yourself that YOU made that choice, and no matter the consequences you must not forget that!

Hope it helped!
Take care ;)
 
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