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Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by ParvusSapentia, Jun 16, 2017.
Thank you, you just made me cry.
No matter what a comment like that is not right. Even if said in the heat of the moment. There are lines that shouldn't be crossed.
It makes me wonder if she is terrified you really are going to leave and be with someone else. Perhaps she feels like this is her worst nightmare coming true.
Unfortunately even if this is true there may be nothing you can do other than what you are already doing.
Please take my words with a grain of salt because they are simply my opinion.
Amazing share! Thanks for the positive outlook on how to go about things even when it seems gloomy. There is light at the end of the tunnel if you decide to take a shovel out and find your way.
Good luck to you and kudos to your deciding the positive road to travel.
Hey, man. Been in your shoes. Not fun. Did the in-house separation thing, which is separation with added awkwardness. I mean, when you're separated and living separately, you can focus on other things and not think about it so much. When you're separated and living together, you're constantly reminded about the painful issues.
I have a few thoughts. I apologize in advance for not reading through the whole thread yet; I'll come back to read it thoroughly when I have time. But just from reading a couple of pages I have some thoughts and wanted to put them to you now.
No, it's not the same as cheating, let alone worse. That's utter nonsense, to be frank. I've heard church-goers say this due to Jesus saying that if you look at a woman to lust after her then you might as well have had her (paraphrasing). Is that where she got this idea from? If so, it's a misinterpretation and I'm happy to explain exactly why. If not, well, I guess next time you're tempted to watch porn, remember that an actual affair is apparently not as bad as far as you're wife's concerned. I'm kidding, of course--don't have an affair. I just use this as an illustration, because there's no way if that actually happened that she'd say, "Hey, at least you didn't look at porn!" We all know this deep down, regardless of what she might say.
Yeah, that's an issue. Is she forgiving of others and just not you, or is she like this with everyone?
Kick her out of bed (maybe not literally but it would be awesome if it were...) ... Send "nice PARVUS" to shit... If she wants to play bitchy then she has to face the consequences... and if she wants divorce then FIGHT with the fingernails for everything that u have and u bought and dont leave her anything unless she asks forgiveness for her ARROGANCE. She is another human being, not a goddess shining up in Mount Olympus...
What you said about how WOMEN SEE YOU may, or may not, be correct.
What you said about how YOU SEE WOMEN is, as quoted, posted above.
I'm quoting an older post from this thread in order to comment on it.
Not only the teachings, but the TEACHERS. And don't get me started on science on top of religion. Modern medical science, except for a noble minority, teaches the masses that it's natural and healthy to ejaculate daily.
Props for pointing out something I felt I could expand on.
If someone asks me of a person who never gave up, it'll be you @ParvusSapentia
I think you are in a dengerous situation my friend. From what I read it seems she hates you and holds lots of hidden agression towards you. When people can not forgive others, their hearts literaly poison themselves and your wife is not even aware that she is in fact harming herself by her hate.
You should never ever ignore anybody talking about your death as “just a talk”. What people say to us is always a tip of the iceberg anyway. It is one thing thinking it, but it is another thing saying it openly.
My ex was a psychopath and his tactic was to just hint things inbetween the lines ones to me ..... and few months later they would happen. So once I woke up from my trance, I run for my life. I am not saying your wife is a psychopath or that she would kill you, but her wishing you death sends lots of bad energy towards you and you should protect yourself from that. On the other hand, she might be serious about it too. You just never know
So you need to take a step back and stop looking at your wife as somone essential to you life without whom you can not carry on. As long as you are clinging to her in fear of loosing her, your judgement of the situation is seriously clouded.
You should take a step back, go away for holidays with your children alone for a while, gain some distance and try to “ see” your reality without allowing your “pain” to get the upper hand on you.
My questions are, why are you clinging onto someone who openly hates you and wishes you death?
You should start recording conversations in the house or at least writing them down with dates. You seriously need some professional help because safety of your children may be compromised. You need to start ringing around and openly talking to people about it like psychologist, family services, domestic abuse people in order to build a clearer picture of what is happening in your home.
Addicts always create a lot of hate and resentment towards themselves and they don’t see how their behaviour destroyes those around them over the years. For exapmple, I hate my mother for being shopaholic and TV addict. She is never around for me and chooses her addiction over me. So right now you can’t see every well how your addiction created this situation. So the primary goal for you is to make it out of addiction at all cost. Then your ability to see will improve and you will be better able to be available for your children and take healthier decisions.
Also, a person who lives with the addict is normally co- dependant and this brings their set of pathological behaviours with it.
So my best advice would be to find a very good psychologist who can advise you independently. The most important thing though is you stopping to paint yourself as a victim here because the situation you and your wife are in has been created equally by you and by her. So taking your half of responsibility for geting to this point is important, even if she does not accepts her side of responsibility.
I can't believe this. Porn industies destroyed so many lives. It's not 100% your fault @ParvusSapentia, everyone with internet access is crushed by this things because no one have any knowledge about dopamine and alot things. Even me, my parents told me at childhood (age 10) when we got internet access to never watch porn, it has alot of consequences. And thanks to them, I stayed happy my entire teenage life. So many friends suffering and I was still healthy. Until one day (age 18) I was really frustrated during exam and thaught why am I only one who is trying to avoid porn? And the addiction begain. I lost all my intellect and superpowers in years and became below normal person.
So your wife should have understood that you are not the only one, instead you faught and became best man. You are great man I cannot believe you won over the addiction and wife still not with you.
I hope you come back online one day and tell us your current situation. If she never wants to be with you and even want to cheat in next years, then you seriously need to find new wife, not for you but the kids, to have a happy family. Please tell them about the porn like my parents did. Let them have better life. They are just 10yr old and about to hit puberty, save their future. Have new happy family.
The OP's last post in this thread was in september, and he hasn't been online since december 2017.