NeverFap counter reset

Discussion in 'Abstinence, Retention, and Sexual Transmutation' started by StarRider, Aug 2, 2020.

  1. StarRider

    StarRider Fapstronaut

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    I just had to reset my counter, because I had a MO relapse in the middle of the night - woke up in moment of emotional weakness with a strong urge for O - the classic relapse scenario of any addict.

    The last 26 days I didn't do "hard mode" (low stimulus), because I don't believe in porn addiction anymore. Instead I focused on exclusively fighting my sex addiction expressing itself like above and to deliberately ignore the stimulus on screen. Results:

    1. Pornography played absolutely no role as a cause in this relapse - not even in my mind.

    2. The O didn't feel any special like after a long streak of low stimulus (hard mode "reboot"), it was "just another O", not some dopamine rush madness. I confirmed now that O after long periods of low stimulus is indeed much more damaging.

    3. As a result there is no "chaser effect" at all. The "chaser effect" measures the damage.

    4. There were no PMO binges (usually lasting up to week) following as were with "hard mode reboot" streaks. It was a single O, I got back to sleep and that was it.

    5. Looking at NSFW content on screen still doesn't produce any urges to MO, so that didn't change either.

    Conclusion: I singled out the actual sex addiction to fight (MO) and removed all the confusion about the stimulus (P). I successfully broke the PMO cycle between the P and MO. That obviously doesn't mean the addiction is gone, but I'm free from the damaging effects of ineffective "reboot" methods and all the attached pseudo-science and can continue to work towards solving the actual problem.
     
    Last edited: Aug 2, 2020
  2. mr.incognito

    mr.incognito Fapstronaut

    I have never had an out of the blue relapse. For me there is always escalation caused by multiple triggers, like my psyche takes a beating until finally it gets overwhelmed. Once I get into what I would call addict logic it's already too late. What's helped me is knowing my triggers specifically, then dealing with them as they appear, and even before they appear as I can sense something is wrong then take action to prevent it from building up into a relapse.
     
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  3. mr.incognito

    mr.incognito Fapstronaut

    I don't get why you are reporting "pornography played no role" as success, isn't that actually worse in your opinion? That masturbation, by itself, is mentally and physically more harmful than masturbating to some visual stimulus?
     
  4. StarRider

    StarRider Fapstronaut

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    The emotional issue (the actual root cause of my sex addiction) surfaced in the middle of the night and lead to loss of self-control. It isn't linked pornography at all. What is new is I also removed the link from pornography to masturbation.

    I can now focus on dealing with the root cause instead of fighting additional useless triggers I put on myself on top of it (see below).

    When I remove sexual stimulus for multiple weeks or months, it does two things:

    1. It causes hyper-sensitivity to any sexual stimulus adding more triggers causing MO relapses on top of those I already have (like getting urges from random noises). This is what I call "low stimulus condition". It builds up over a longer time.

    2. When these relapses happen the damaging effect is much higher due to this built-up hyper-sensitivity. The O has a much higher impact on the defenseless brain, which adjusted to having no stimulus around.

    I didn't remove sexual stimulus for several weeks this time, so my brain didn't become hyper-sensitive to sexual stimulus. And that saved me from another PMO binge week (and made the O feel rather mediocre) and prevented the "chaser effect". The actual relapse doesn't have to be PMO (and never should be).

    I think most people on this forum are actually after this hyper-sensitivity to "cure" their ED, so they can indulge in their addiction and have more sex, while I have completely different goals. Note: The entire process is still WIP and I'm still figuring things out.
     
  5. mr.incognito

    mr.incognito Fapstronaut

    When you say "sexual stimulus" what is it and how often are you around it?
     
  6. StarRider

    StarRider Fapstronaut

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    Sexual stimulus is everything that causes over-arousal once you go on streak trying to "quit porn". It goes from actual real life women in bikinis you encounter on the beach, to billboards and other things using sex to advertise, more or less explicit scenes on TV and in movies, to all the more or less pornographic stuff you encounter on screen while surfing the Internet. Example: Someone complaining on this forum about being in low stimulus.

    I put no effort into restricting or limiting these encounters to keep the normal stimulus level my brain is used to. It doesn't mean I get up from bed and watch hardcore pornography all day long until I go to sleep. I just don't change anything in that department, because I'm not "quitting porn", I fight a sex addiction, so I quit masturbation (to porn as well as without it) and postpone sex.
     
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  7. Captain!

    Captain! Fapstronaut

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    Very true.
     
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  8. l'm The Chosen One

    l'm The Chosen One Fapstronaut

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    Yes, sometimes we feel emotional weakness.But our will is getting stronger because we have not given up despite these.Depressed mood should never be an excuse.This can happen to your streak that you started now, and there will be times when you feel bad again. Sometimes life seems absurd and meaningless, but it's never as bad as it seems.You should find yourself an activity for such bad times.Compose yourself a mantra or oath.And whenever you feel bad, go under the cold water and repeat this oath or mantra 10 times.This will make you feel better.Your mind and muscles will relax,you will be able to sleep comfortably.When you wake up, you will get up in a new and better mood.Also,congratulations for not doing binge relapse.
     
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  9. StarRider

    StarRider Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for the support, guys.

    I'm going to work on unlinking MO from the actual issue, which is possible, because the distractions by artificially hard "challenges" are gone.

    Yeah, that's a great result of my changed strategy. I used to have PMO once or twice a week and having doing "hard mode" streaks always increased that to daily binges of PMO. Didn't happen now.

    If I'm happen to look at NSFW once or twice a week and stay completely free of MO and S, I'm not conforming to DoFap(R), but I spare myself of the binges, recover from my sex addiction and get the benefits of abstinence. (That's not a dose recommendation, usage is highly individual.)

    I'm sure, that screen content will get replaced by something more productive in the long term anyway, that's why I stopped caring. And tracking it as well - I simply don't know how much exposure to P and P substitutes I had during that last streak. It became so unimportant that I don't think about it anymore, especially not away from the screen. Those intrusive thoughts being gone is the best thing about this as well as not getting randomly aroused by circumstances.
     
  10. StarRider

    StarRider Fapstronaut

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    The recent MO relapse (three days ago) has indeed increased P exposure again - in line with my theory. All attempts to restart the PMO cycle this way still failed, just as usual.

    So instead it has started a cycle of expectation - disappointment. The raised expectation (by the O three days ago) of looking at P became more exciting, than looking at the actual stuff without MO - it immediately becomes disappointment, once it shows up on screen: Arousal - nothing happening - disappointment - The End.

    The is no reward in watching sex on a screen - not even chemically.

    This is distinctively different from "monk mode" - PMO relapse cycles I used to have before. In fact, the longer I did go "monk mode", the more rewarding the following PMO experience became. So NoFap(R) was primarily about improving your masturbation to porn experience by "saving up" for it. And that's how you get more addicted by "rebooting".

    But by focusing on NeverFap my brain is essentially learning now, that you cannot have sex with someone on a screen having sex with someone else. The easy thing I have to do is to watch the expectation-disappointment cycle repeating as often as necessary, until the sex addict learned the lesson.
     

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