New and healthy sexual fantasy started after no PMO.

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by MasterRoshi, Nov 6, 2018.

  1. MasterRoshi

    MasterRoshi Fapstronaut

    Hi there!! So after about 200 days of no PMO and after that only 3times of MO, I am focusing on gaining a healthy sexual mind. This started with the 3 MO session, because I was able to get erect with fantasy only for the first time in 15+ years. This was the first sign of healing and I only discovered it through (unhealthy fantasy) MO.

    Since then I realized that orgasm isn’t evil, but my fantasies are.
    (fantasies consisting ofbeing degraded by five 60+ year old men in a hotel room)

    So to combat those unhealthy fantasies, I started to interrupt the intrusive fantasies with what I assumed to be my healthy sexual ideal instead. This consisted of me visualizing holding a women, laying next to her, feeling her warmth and had very little to do with any sex.

    The fact that this visualization popped to my mind told me a lot about what I am truly seeking. I want companionship and deep romantic/emotional connection with a women and sex is secondary. This is the really deep truth, only discovered through abstinence from PMO!

    So the first time I tried this healthy fantasy, it actually killed my arousal. I’m so conditioned to be turned on by insanely fetishy and taboo subjects, that normal emotional connection fantasy did nothing for me... at first.

    So continuing in this new found recovery path of embracing my truth behind my sexual needs and trying to cultivate that, the fantasy morphed into clearer imagry. My new fantasy is me laying in a grassy field, in the sun, with a women and holding her hand or touching her thigh. it’s a fantasy of deep connection, ultimate safety and understanding. Where I am accepted as completely myself and loved for it. And we share this relaxed experience of intense connection.

    And this new fantasy give me butterflies in my stomach!!! It’s insanely arousing!

    I’ve been using sex/PMO for years because I never learned the skills to seek that type of experience, so using PMO gives me a cheap and effective alternative to that.

    I am now experiencing aroual from this fantasy!! And this is the first time in my life I’ve ever had this happen!

    Today I was on a clothing website shopping. I filtered by “men clothes”, but the site is broken and included women in sports bras. There was A model who fit my interests and I couldn’t help but click on her and zoom in on her body. I stopped and started journaling.

    What I realized with journaling is that i Could explore this arousal and rather than focusing on the sexual arousal, i Can try and focus on what i really am hoping to experience through this picture. So i went back to the website, found that picture again and focused on the story i build in my head while looking at her. And to my surprise.... it was exactly what my sexual fantasy depicts!! I don’t think I’ve been chasing frivolous sex, I think I’ve been chasing intense emotional safety and connection, but to afraid to seek it out in real life, so PMO was the easy solution.

    I gave this model a personality. I gave her a style, I gave her a story. I imagined she liked me and we got along, and that this girl would be the one to sit In The grass with me and make me feel loved and safe.

    Of course there’s the primal urge to fuck her, but the majority of my selectivness is seeking someone who looks like they would fit that personality type. Not a difficult woman, not a woman who sleeps around with a lot of people, not a prostitute, but a perky chipper upbeat cute person who could intellectually understand me and we could be together.

    This was a huge eye opener for me!!! And the next phase of my recovery is to build that fantasy and seek it out in real life. And if the destructive selfish sexual fantasy creeps back in (as it will cuz I have 20+ years of experience with it) I can transfer that urge towards the healthy fantasy and start to experience orgasm and arousal in conjunction with my healthy desires rather than the destructive ones from the past.

    And work on the issues in my head that keep me wanting to escape the real world and enter the fantasy realm of PMO.
    Last edited: Nov 6, 2018
    graham55, titkata92, koolpal and 4 others like this.
  2. Fallensoldier1

    Fallensoldier1 Fapstronaut

    Congrats man! I know exactly what you mean. Although my fetishes weren’t similar to yours, a lot of what we did was very similar. Running from life with pmo and desiring that dee connection with someone.

    I don’t think quite as much about what fetishes before I stopped PmO, and some of them I actually haven’t thought of at all.

    What I have thought of is laughing with a pretty woman. Having a pretty woman be nice to me, smile at me, love me. And of course us be intimate such as holding hands, kissing, hugging. And obviously us making love.

    I have like zero desire to go out and seek random sex with women. I want to be in a committed, loving, healthy sexual relationship.

    And that sounds like that’s exactly what your looking for as well.
    MasterRoshi likes this.
  3. Sorry to say man but I dont think MO is healthy in any way even if you are doing it with or without porn...its unnatural sex & people have to pay after it...Thats good to know u have changed ur mindset & have been looking after ur fantasies but I dont think they are healthy in anyway because man u still fantasize about someone & this will soon make the situation worse...People end up turning back to porn after MO'ing several MO & P are co_related I.e one cannot survive without the other...I have seen many people who stopped P but sooner or later they went back to P & some of them have become worst than man dont try to fool yourself...Remember masturbation was always an unnatural act...
    I dont want to crticise you bro but I just want to share what I know....I hope u will not feel offended... :)
  4. Well done! :) You will make it!
  5. Quoll90

    Quoll90 Fapstronaut

    Just wondering bro

    Why do you think masturbating is unhealty and unnatural ?
  6. Sex & masturbation differ alot from each other & u cant have sex everytime because u either need ur wife or u need money to visit a prostitute but if u once get indulged in masturbation it gives u cheap access to release ur pressure & thus due to its cheap access people end up developing compulsive behaviour & there is another big reason that is womens private part is more smooth & expands according ur need but on the other side your hand destroys your penis veins & leads to desensitisation...some people also develop death grip & masturbation becomes an addiction due to its cheap access....
    control your life likes this.
  7. MasterRoshi

    MasterRoshi Fapstronaut

    I’m not offended but I do think your thinking is very black and white (and most likely stemming from Christian ideology). Nothing wrong with your beliefs, I just feel that suppressing sexual urge is just as unhealthy as PMO.

    The negative consequences you listed above all sound like the consequences of negative self indulgence. As a side not selfish sex Ian just as bad. Remove the hand and the P and M, and if I were to go to hookers or be fucked by gay men on Craigslist and never touch my dick again, I’d still be feeding the selfish addictive sexual beast. I think it’s less about Masturbation specifically, or about sex, it’s about a healthy sexual relationship with myself and others and learning to have sexual desires, but only the healthy ones. My the desires that are tired to escapism. I feel there’s a big difference. Sex with my wife for example has been utterly selfish and repulsive in the past, and I don’t want to do that ever again. So I need to relearn sexuality and reframe orgasms.

    Now just to be clear this isn’t something that can be practiced on day one of sobriety, and i wouldn’t recommend it to anyone who isn’t doing the deep self exploration therapy that I’ve started.

    But I feel that sexual anorexia is a real thing amongst recovering sex addicts and it’s important for me to become a balanced sexual being rather than someone denying their sexuality.

    My focus is to uncover healthy sex. And the only way I’ve been able to do that is by engaging in sexual fantasy and even MO. The reason for this is fairly simple. Here’s an example.

    I see it very similar to the difference between someone practicing basketball vs someone watching it on tv. We as humans need to practice something to learn it. I learn and change through experience.

    The only way I was able to discover the link between unhealthy sexual escape and my desire to have deep emotional connection was by looking at the model on the fashion site, and feeling those feelings.

    After going to CBT therapy for the last 9 months I have realized that life isn’t black and white, that there’s a lot of experience in the gray area.

    This isnt for everyone and as I said depending on your path in recovery it could be dangerous. Reason is, many people I’ve heard from on here don’t face their demons. They just put porn blockers on their computers and sit on their hands hoping for the best. While I admire anyone who tries to kick this addiction, I personally needed to go through intensive therapy work. I was suicidal for the first 2-3 months of sobriety because I was uncovering deep rooted pain and didn’t have PMO to soothe the pain. But I got through it and then kept going with the work.

    So at the stage of recovery I’m at now, Im working on how to be human, have a sexual side of me and rather than run from it and force it out of me, i am learning to embrace it and transfer the sexual energy from destructive to healthy. The fantasy (and Also specific and conscious MO) is helping me do this.

    No offense taken :) just hoping to show the world that my reboot isn’t stopping at sexual anorexia but rather changing my relationship with orgasms and with the women around me.
    Last edited: Nov 6, 2018
  8. Ok man no worries ....No matter if my thinking is black & white or colored but I just said what I have experienced.....& my words have nothing to do with any religion & I am a muslim by religion but I do respect other religions as well.....
    Ok man I do respect your point of view but why are u comparing addiction with gay sex or anything else....why a straight man would like to visit gay :p ...just wondering lol...I also said hand is rough & womens private parts are smooth & I was talking about unnatural sex & it does include all those aspects that are not natural like straight men having sex with males to feed their addiction, & yeah about masturbation I have seen more than 70 people who tried to masturbate without P but they sooner or later went back to it....& sex with a partner includes intimacy & how the hell can a person create intimacy with his thoughts & hands.....I dont mean to hurt u my dear brother...
    :) Again dont feel offended :p
    MasterRoshi likes this.
  9. MasterRoshi

    MasterRoshi Fapstronaut

    For me I feel like my brain is still practicing unhealthy fantasy. Without me wanting to , very unnatural fetish, taboo, destructive sexual fantasies pop into my head. Months of no PMO and it’s still with me.

    Then the first time I attempted to be aroused by a healthy sexual scenario, it actually turned me off. 20+ years of degrading imagry has deeply tied sexyalvoleasure with adrenaline and dopamine, so my brain still seeks the taboo in order to be sexually satisfied.

    I feel that through practice I am re-wiring my brain, so that the old extreme fantasies are fading and they’re being replaced by new healthy ones.

    Of course the end goal is to live out these healthy fsntasies in real life, but I think it’s a stepping stone in the right direction.

    My experience is that sexual recovery requires exploration into healthy sex. This is very scary because of the years of destruction behind my PMO use. But I feel it’s necesary.

    I’ve never had this type of sexual relationship with myself or these desires with others. So it’s definitly a new phase of my recovery rather than me slipping back into addiction.

    I will say, that I personally don’t like MO and want to save all of that energy for others, but for now, the re-wiring of my sexual brain is incredibly theraputuc and actually helping me become more emotionally connected and dig even deeper into my recovery from sex addiction.

    I wish it was easier to explain :) my addiction journey is complex and very long. Without sharing all the details it might not be clear enough. I hope to one day place my entire story in one spot so I And others can see the progression.
    Deleted Account likes this.
  10. Ok man if its helping you to get rid of your fetishes,taboo sex then its good for u but remember dont try it for more than 3 months or it will add a new addiction to your life I.e masturbation without porn & u will easily slide to masturbation without having the actual urges...
    I wish u best of luck for ur journey man ;)
    MasterRoshi likes this.
  11. Quoll90

    Quoll90 Fapstronaut

    He manged to reach 200 days no PMO and now he is trying to cure his sexual behaviour in a totally healthy and understandable way, while looking at your journal the best you did is just 20 days ! And on top of that you are here giving LIFE LESSONS like you are the master and he is the student while at the same time spreading A LOT of misbelief and wrong information.

    I will be more specific in my next comment

    I may sound too harsh but I just want to help after all, I just can't stand hypocrisy and misinformation dictated by ignorance
  12. Quoll90

    Quoll90 Fapstronaut

    An addiction is an habit of any kind that a person does continuously regardless of the consequences that habit is having on his life. The aim of this forum is to help people recover from porn addiction and all the consequences that it has on our lifes (ED, social and financial consequences, anxiety etc..)

    MO is a natural act (see videos of animals masturbating like monkeys or dogs) PMO is not. However to recover from porn addiction and rewire the brain to a normal view of sex the community suggests to cut off not only with P, but also with M and O for at least 90 days. Thats the Hard Mode we all know about.

    But apart from the challenges and the digits what really matters is to reconnect to a healthy and fulfilling sexual life away from porn. Ideally we will enter a relationship and start enjoying sex with our partner, or start enjoying sex with our partner again if we were already into a relationship ruined by our addiction to PMO (ie ED or Anorgasmia etc...)

    But not everybody has or finds a girlfriend during the journey, so if done RESPONSIBLY masturbation is a completely healthy alternative to sex with somebody.

    By doing it responsibly I mean it must not interfere dramatically with your everyday life (your job, your social life etc...) and it must not be used as a means to escape from depression or everyday problems.

    It's true when you say that replacing PMO with FMO doesn't make any difference, but this must not pass as a general rule. It's true for who is at the beginning of the journey, it's not for who is finally free from porn forever.

    Your friends that after MO went back to PMO failed in filling their life with something valuable, like an hobby, seing people an making friends, doing sport etc.. And not palying videogames and browsing social media all day long.

    Let's make an example:

    Tom and Jim are both 30 years old.

    Tom doesn't PMO since 437 days. Jim doesn't PMO since 70 days

    Tom doesn't MO as well. Jim does roughly once a week.

    They both sleep 8 hours a day, a day is made of 24 hours, so they have 16 hours left to live their life.

    In his 16 hours Tom spends 12 playing videogames, eating junk food and checking social media.

    In his 16 hours Jim works out and goes for a jog in the morning, takes a cold shower, goes to work, after work he sees his girlfriend or family or friends

    Now my question is : who is more likely to relapse ? We all know the answer

    If you have a succesful life there's no harm in conceding yourself a wank once in a while

    References that inspired me, hope they' ll do the same to others

    MasterRoshi likes this.
  13. Who said I m the master...Me?No, man If u can take a look I have only shared what I have experienced from others & especially from myself...& thx for reminding me of my 20 days streak which is my biggest streak according to you :p ... I haven't officially announced my personal best doesnt mean u can decide my streak....Besides 20 day streak I have made 2 big streaks one is 115 days & 2nd was150 days & your harsh words dont bother me man...its okay but how do think animals behaviour is healthy for humans...As u said like monkeys do it & dogs perform masturbation but 2 out of 100 perform it....I have seen dogs performing masturbation but only in some exceptional cases....
    No harsh words used in my comment :)
  14. hope2overcome_

    hope2overcome_ Fapstronaut

    sorry man but you drew the wrong conclusion. Try and meet girls in real life. Fantasy can never replace the real thing which is what you are trying to do. The fantasies you are mentioning is the real you, the porn is a persona you created as a result of the videos you watched, it shaped you from childhood at a time when we are young and our minds are easily manipulated, Thats the problem. The best way is to get in touch with a real girl.

    Follow these steps:
    1.) Abstain from porn.
    2.) Limit fantasy and focus on real women. get the butterfly feeling from looking into a girls eye and her looking into yours. It feels like magic for us porn addicts.
  15. This is totally my view as well. At the moment I’m not mo’ing at all (not that I can anyway, I’m in flatline ) but I’m intending to not pmo for at least 90days, after which I’m going to experiment with sex between my wife and fantasy, much like what you described, Ive also heard about a practice where you mo and not think of anything other than the present moment focusing on pleasuring yourself, doesn’t sound appealing to me at all, haha, but maybe it’s healthy, who knows. I often relate very much when I hear people talk about eating disorders, their childhoods and their struggles, and I think the recovery process is the same, learning to change the relationship to the said thing, it’s about love basically
    MasterRoshi likes this.
  16. Man, I relate to this, earlier this year I went into flatline without knowing what it was and not knowledge of Nofap, and I’ve had negative experience with 12step process so didn’t have meetings for support either, I really thought it was the end of the road for me, I’m still in shock looking back of early this year
  17. idontwanttoreveal

    idontwanttoreveal Fapstronaut

    Thank you for sharing your experience.

    If I may add something, I would suggest you to take it easy with fantasies, even if it feels safe for you. I understand what you said and what you want to do, but it might be beneficial in the long run to develop fantasies in real life and not to bring an old one to the table (bed). Every fantasy gives us a little hit of dopamine, it is important to rewire that as well.

    There is some evidence that imagined and executed actions share the same neural substrate

    I hope this can help. Best of luck!
    MasterRoshi likes this.
  18. HelplessPleaseHelp?

    HelplessPleaseHelp? Fapstronaut

    Hey man, it is interesting to see your journey. Right now I am on breaking from masturbate or watching porn. I think it would be the best for me not to do any of this now. I think that each of us is on different path and we need to respect each other. NoFap is a community to share our journey, beyond the target of stop watching porn (which is also important). I think that with this sharing with everybody we can reach a higher level of self and social bonding with each other. I don't think that we should start tagging what is everybody do, each of us has his own way to contribute to other people journeys and some opinions of people can really help.

    I do believe that we have a great community in which we can count on each other and get advices from everybody. This is the whole reason of this forum. Or at least part of the reason.

    I don't want to feel like I am preaching here. I just want to bring my insight.
    Deleted Account likes this.
  19. MasterRoshi

    MasterRoshi Fapstronaut

    Yea I’ve read the fantasy stuff before. Which is why there is a huge difference in what in fantasizing about. A fantasy that builds my sexual ideal and reframed my sexual urges seems to be healthy (in moderation). As I mentioned, the healthy fantasy didn’t even turn me on the first many times I started doing it. But now it does, so my brain is slowly forgetting the extreme taboo fantasy and is finding healthy scenarios arousing.
  20. MasterRoshi

    MasterRoshi Fapstronaut

    Very true.

    The reason I put this thread in the success stories is because it really doesn’t belong anywhere else, because it’s an experience beyond porn addiction. It’s related by it’s like the second phase of this. Where sex isn’t a shameful problem, but rather when the problem has been removed (temporarily or for ever is unknown :) ) how do we deal with our sexual nature, beyond suppression.

    I would also say that I needed 6 months of complete abstinence from all PMO including no touching of any kind. I needed to go through 3 months of suicidal thoughts, I needed therapy and intensive theraputic work, I needdd 12 step meetings and working the 12 steps, I needed to cry at least once a day for 6 months straight.

    All of the work I have done prepped me for the ability to MO and not completely fall apart. This really opened my eyes to the difference between healthy sex vs unhealthy. Unlike drugs, sex is more like a food addiction. We can’t stop eating food, but we have to learn how to stop eating addictive, and deal with the issues that cause us to escape into food. Same exact thing but for sex.

    This journey for me is far from over. I’m currently dealing with the root of my problems, which is 20+ years of me building protective walls to separate me from friendship and society that now make social interaction near impossible. I’ve already conquered a bunch of issues, but not done yet. This insecurity/social thing is probably the problem. And as I work through this, I get further and further away from addictive sexual behavior.
    Quoll90 and Deleted Account like this.

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