Hello fellow non-fapsters! I am new to this forum and pretty lame at social media-ing in general. Not new to attempting to break free from porn, lust and masturbation, though. And very not new to failing repeatedly at that endeavor. And feeling like a big old loser about it. So first off, if anyone has suggestions on getting started, breaking through the initial fear of trying again only to (probably) fail again, find the right kind of accountability/fellowship (both online, and perhaps locally here in Baltimore as well?), and get/give the most out of and to the forum without getting bogged down--any suggestions on all that would be SO very appreciated!! A little about me: As a teenager, I had a spiritual awakening and started getting really involved in church, studying the Scriptures, etc. By this time, I'd already discovered masturbation and was tormented with (secret) desire for my male schoolmates. This was in the late 80's, so I felt pretty compelled to keep all this on the down low. Anyways I thought that as I grew in my relationship with God, the lust in general, and the screaming desire to connect sexually with other men would just kind of resolve itself. Well, that didn't happen. But damn if I didn't try to make that happen by pursuing all the spiritual disciplines ever more vigilantly. Memorizing of Scripture, fasting, accountability groups, ex-gay groups, you name it. Although no one else was specifically telling me I should feel ashamed, I surely did. Because I had let God down by failing to live holy, God had let me down by failing to help me do so, and also, I was a big fucking loser. Thankfully, I did not lose my faith over it, but I eventually gave up trying to "work on" my sexuality. That actually helped, believe it or not. Hookups became less and less of a thing, but porn was always available. My views on being gay and Christian have also changed somewhat, but that is another entire discussion. To cut to the chase, I have just gotten sick of being sick of giving in to porn again and again and spending HOURS on it, sometimes every day. I HAVE to find a way to make a break from using all that as whatever kind of crutch. And I am hoping that perhaps I will find here some tools and perspectives that I missed earlier. Maybe some perspectives that were difficult to see when the whole thing was all about God. And as a side note, it fascinates me that for most things in my life, being able to turn to God is SUCH a huge comfort. Yet, no amount of spiritual stuff seems to have the least impact on my sexual addiction stuff, and that seems so odd to me, since...isn't there such an intimate link between spirituality and sexuality? But either way, if praying more and reading the Bible more isn't helping, then I need to respect the insanity principle and not keep on expecting a different result from the same activity. And I have to believe there is an actual road to success that more than like 2% of people who attempt it actually succeed with. Thanks for reading!!!