New approach to dating

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by end_it_for_good, Nov 28, 2018.

  1. end_it_for_good

    end_it_for_good Fapstronaut

    My dating experience and some background
    I have some experience with dating, mostly long term relationships and a few flings when I was much younger.

    I'm now 32 and just getting back out there.

    A little background on me: I'm a marketer and have been in sales so I think about things from that perspective. I've approached a lot of people in the past and am good at connecting with strangers due to work, so I have that on my side.

    Although I may sound really bro-y in the below way of thinking about things, I'm not. I really want to have genuine connections and respect women. I'm not into manipulation at all, but I am into strategy so I can increase my chances for success.

    Current Situation and Goals
    I'm seeing one woman casually right now. We have sex maybe twice a month. It's ok, I like her alright. We have some fun. She is encouraging me to see multiple people. It feels like a unique time in life.

    I'm feeling like sleeping with a few women and dating them until I find the one I like and getting more monogamish. I'd like to have a GF who likes to sleep with women too and we can have 3 ways occasionally. I've almost been there with a few girls in the past. Maybe 3 of my girlfriends were open to it.

    I've become extremely discouraged, mostly because of past experiences with dating, so I realize I need to put in the work and get out into the real world A LOT to get more comfortable with woman and try stuff out.

    I bought a whole new wardrobe so I can have a few different "looks." Now I can dress up or dress down.

    Fitness. I put on 40lbs of muscle over the last 3 years. I'm buff, but sorta fat. So I'm doing a cutting diet and cutting down the fat. I should be 15% body fat in 6 weeks. I'm at around 22 right now.

    Lifestyle - I go to a lot of events, I have some friends, I need a stronger social circle, sometimes I throw events - mostly brunches where I bring people together that I know.

    Housing - I have a one bedroom with great furniture and art.

    I wanted to have the foundations.

    Only issue is some PIED, then I'll have the equipment.


    Top of funnel

    Top of funnel is getting in front of people and getting first dates. I need locations/methods to get in front of new women.

    Approaching Strangers
    I used to do the PUA thing - approaching hundreds of women. It was very exhausting and didn't really get me that many dates. I think I'll be approaching a few women in public who I don't know, but I won't be doing much of that. But frankly this is too much work and the return is too low. Also I think the success rates for PUAs is really small in general and they just want to sell courses. Also I have hung out with some good ones, they abandoned the whole thing because it wasn't authentic at all and the end result wasn't really that satisfying.

    Dating apps
    I'm getting better at dating apps. The biggest thing has been getting really good photos. I figured out how to get really good ones by going on the different dating platforms - switching myself to a female gender and attraction to men. Then I could see the top men's photos. So I took screen shots, got the clothes they wore and went out with friends who are photographers and recreated the photos.

    Then I put the photos on so that I could see how attractive I was. The thing is - the photos need to have an attractiveness rating of 80%+. I find if I can do this or even edge into 90% then I can get 1 match out of every 5 swipes. It's like having a cheat code to the system. When my photos are below that, it drops DRAMATICALLY. I get 1 match out of every 200 swipes, usually 1 out of every 300 and they are super ugly/uninteresting.

    The profiles are interesting. I am finding creating templates from the other men I found when switching my settings to i am a woman/interested in men. I create multiple templates and test them to see what works best. I have a humor based one now and it's freaking gold.

    I'm getting better at openers too. It's mostly about commenting on something in their profile, maybe teasing them lightly about something.

    There is more to report here.

    This is a great way to get better with women. I go to art/culture events. I'll go to 3-6/weekend. I go with a friend and approach 3 women at every event. Its far easier than the grocery store or a park/mall. Honestly approaching on the street is the absolutely most stressful. I think it's actually traumatizing. The online dating coaches mostly talk about that, but it feels like a bad way to coach newbies or anybody really.

    So...I love events. There is so much around you to talk about. I like art openings because you can just talk about art.

    I'm in the phase where I'm just getting used to connecting and having interesting conversations with women and not trying to ask them out. Just getting used to this stage. This has reduced my anxiety, frustration, bad self image a lot. Just going in with the goal of connecting, making friends and having fun. It seems to take time and practice, but it seems to get better.

    Eventually it starts feeling effortless. I'm not trying to impress anybody, just connect, find things in common and talk about common interests. Women love this in general. If the woman doesn't want to talk to me. I ignore her and move on. I find I get asked out if I'm doing this. I think it's really rare. Dudes don't approach in a welcoming connecting kind of way. I think a lot of guys are scared because they can use online dating. I find if I go to events. I'm like the only guy doing this and there are these hot women just being lonely in these events. So....the odds are really in my favor. It's not as hard as I previously thought and the women are kinda desperate to have a connection, so I'm a breath of fresh air. I'm finding that if I dress well and have good facial hair/shave well and just try to connect and dive deeper in connecting. The conversation never gets boring.

    I think religious groups that are for young people are amazing. Christian, Jewish, and Buddhist groups are amazing for this. Also group exercise classes where everybody gets to know each other. These are amazing as well.

    Seriously the religious groups are full of young women who want to either get a boyfriend or just get laid. It's like a gold mine.

    Other top of funnel
    Well it's still events honestly. I'm mostly giving up talking to strangers.
    The one exception is bars.
    Bars can be magic if you figure out how to work them.
    Same with gyms. Actually gyms are really hard and take a long time.
    Bars are sorta simple.

    It's the same as the above. Try to connect and get to know people. Be playful.

    I'm actually learning how to make friends easily at bars. It's mostly trying to join groups of people who are standing or joining groups sitting at the open bar and just becoming one with the group. It's not any of this gimmicky pick up stuff.

    I become part of the group, become all their friends. If I have anything in common with one of the women, I'll drive deeper on that, that is if there aren't other men pursuing her hard. I'm not into competing and screwing up the group dynamic.

    Middle of funnel
    Dating itself.
    I'm learning to actually date. Seems obvious that it's called dating, but I think I missed the mark. I was so focussed on porn and sex that I figured you meet a girl on the street and just bring her back to your place for sex in this totally disconnected hot porn like adventure. I've only been able to do that that fast maybe 2x and it was horrible. I had a really bad time. I need a connection and those kind of women are toxic and weird usually anyway.

    I've never had sex after a first date, but that will probably happen eventually as I get out there more an more.

    But... dating haha. That's the ticket. Getting on a first date, then a second, then a third, then having sex.

    The whole time you are building a deeper connection.
    First dates are coffee or walking dates. I pay for the date. The date is only 1 hour. Then I part ways. This keeps the mystery alive.

    2nd dates. Physical date. hiking, mini golf, running, kung fu. whatever. physical. Touch her a bunch. Like 10 times. Don't need to talk much

    3rd date - intimate date - like a dinner, you can pay or not, I live in a hippy city so it's up in the air.

    I like going to plays or opera or whatever. It's so classic for intimacy but dudes in this century are morons usually so they just wanna "netflix and chill." I can game the shit out of that. I amp it up. Take them to a local blackbox theater, then to high end cocktails and walk through a public outdoor art gallery. They are feeling really connected.
    Lots of touching.

    I invite them back to my place to view my art, see my frogs, try my pie that I just baked. Some excuse.

    Then...I'm getting better at that, but guiding them into the bedroom.

    Honestly though. I probably won't be sleeping with dozens of women, just a few that I like. I want 3 long term sex buddies and one of them I am more connected to.

    Bottom of Funnel

    I need to work on this. Continuing to date. Probably a mix of 2nd and 3rd dates. Lots of art, lots of hiking.

    Occasionally taking them on adventures outside of the city.

    Getting good at this

    This has been really fucking hard. (hahah. not an erection joke)
    I've needed to break it down into stages and work on pieces individually.
    I'm still mostly at top of funnel. I'm getting better at it though. Even in top of funnel there are a lot of micro stages.

    Middle of funnel is my favorite.
    Actually fucking new women is a little anxiety provoking. I need to get more comfortable with it.

    Frankly it's amazing motivation to never jack off again. If I have the possibility to have amazing girlfriends sorta whenever I want, there isn't such an experience of scarcity and it's much easier to tell myself. "I'm going to not jack off today so I can have better sex and not impotence in the future."

    CONCLUSIONS sort of.......
    Well. This is me practicing for a long time and having been in several long term relationships. I know a lot of guys aren't that experienced. I wasn't either. The only thing to do is
    1. know what you are wanting
    2. create a simple plan
    3. practice a lot lot lot lot
    4. don't do it alone. have friends
    5. don't be manipulative, try to have genuine connection, be vulnerable, be a nice person. don't be a trickster trying to manipulate women. also - cold approach can work, but sorta sucks a lot and there are much easier ways.

    Have fun. Comment below. I'll be updating this regularly

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