New Buckstronaut!

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Hope Again, Oct 6, 2019.

  1. Hope Again

    Hope Again New Fapstronaut

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    Hello all!

    New signup today! I want to commit to getting control of this area of my life. I am a 51 yo PM addict. I started with porn around the 6th-7th grade and would partake whenever I could get it (occasional magazine, Friday night Cinemax). My memory is my worst enemy in this area so even if I don’t pull up anything on my tablet, I can almost always recall something to get off.

    I can control it, at times, but at least once a month I relapse and every time I do, the addicting nature of it allures me to secretly do this once or twice a day for awhile. Giving in to the desire and getting off is addicting (duh)! Currently, I am away from home on business for the last 3 weeks~ and thru today it (PM) has happened at least once a day and sometimes 3x a day. I can’t say I am certain if the exposure to this stuff has caused the negatives I perceive within or if all this stuff inside me is just who I am, but I want to kick this habit, forever.

    The biggest two negatives within that I do not like about myself that I hope are due to lifelong PM abuse are:

    1. I focus on, or should I say, I lust, on the physical attractiveness of most women I meet, unless I have zero attraction to them. It is the first thing i experience when I am around an attractive female. My mind races with ‘what if?’ or ‘how could I?’ or ‘what would this be, she be like?’. I even try make sure I am on my best behavior, “woman catching” behavior around them. I know I am not alone in here, but I KNOW for a fact, with me at least, that this objectification goes in overdrive when I am participating in regular PM activity. I hate this about me. I sat at the hotel restaurant this morning across from an attractive lady this and I caught myself constantly stealing glances at her - her features, her figure, her movements.. and I just loved the thrill of it... wow, she is smoking! I was in fantasyland... ... but... This is not who I want to be. That gal and all the others are persons of depth, life experience... they have their story... and my focus on just how they look and how I want it reduces that person to an object for my pleasure. I want to believe I am not this person! I want to believe that my ramped up PM use - primarily focused on young (always legal!!!) attractive woman, heightens my brain to always be looking at or for what excites me.

    2. My marriage became pretty dead about 10 years ago and we split up almost 1 year ago this month. She and I slept together for sex maybe once a year for the last two or three years prior to the separation and in those last 3 years, I did not have an O with her. Instead, I would self service after she fell asleep or the next morning, etc. Since our split and divorce, i have dated and slept with three ladies... and... to my dismay, I have yet to have an O with any of these three. My current GF that is just the sweetest and most wonderful match for me, we have so much in common, and knows it has never happened to me and is not too concerned about it. But I am. I think she very attractive, VERY hot... but my body rarely gets aroused and even when I do../ I am left pretty unfulfilled. I know I can physically have an O, as I have had them like 2x daily for the last weeks by myself... but I just cannot with another partner it seems. My simple belief is that I have effectively in my mind slept with unrealistically hot women via very heavy porn use for the last 10 years and now the real thing isn’t sexy enough!

    I want to see if rebooting for 60, 90 and beyond days will help me eradicate this obsession with the physical attractiveness of almost every woman I meet!

    Ok, enough for now. Thanks everyone for reading! I need to figure out next steps for me. Not sure where to go on this site. I want to join a group or a small team that will support each other in their common journey for freedom in these areas. Any advice on next steps would be appreciative!!!
     
  2. Glad you're here. Congrats on the great self awareness.
     
    Hope Again and Deleted Account like this.
  3. Hello and welcome! :)

    We are glad to have you as a part of our community. Here are some quick links toget you started.

    Getting Started Guide | How to Use the NoFap Forums | Panic Button | DayCounter| Rebooting Resources | Forum Rules |Glossary

    If you wish to keep a journal of your progress you can do so in the appropriate section found here

    You can also take part in one of the many challenges available. It can be a tremendous help. Challenges

    Also, there are groups you can also join if you wish to do so. You can browse through them here. Groups

    There are plenty of wonderful, friendly and knowledgeable people here to help you along on your journey to a life free of PMO. I wish you nothing but the best!
     
  4. Hope Again

    Hope Again New Fapstronaut

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    Good evening from Cali all! Couple additions!
    1. I am rebooting via PM only. An O with my wonderful GF would be a dream come true so I am all for it! Yes, I know that an O usually lends itself to wanting more and more O’s, but as long as the eyes and hands stay safely off my own merchandise, great!
    2. I am going to go for the 90 days right out of the gate! And when reached, another and another!
    3. 24 hours successful! Yes! One day at a time! Very excited about the possibility of putting this behind me! Now... accountability partner... hmmm... hmmmm...

    Have a great night all!
     

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