New but motivated! Getting married next year

Hi guys,

I'm a 25 yrs old guy who has a history of online gaming which, like most of them, includes PMO. I always made myself hold a steady 2 day policy where I would only PMO once every 2 days, but ofcourse I used that time to the fullest and felt ashamed afterwards immediatly, always asking myself why I felt the need to do what I did.

Years passed where I worked almost 6 days a week, long hours, where I would come home, eat, game & sleep, just to repeat it all again the next day.

This all until I met my girlfriend, who is now my fiancee. I immediatly knew that working that much wasn't ideal for a good relationship, so I quit that job. Still doing PMO, even though it had diminished!

Once we started getting sexually active (about 4 months into the relationship), we noticed problems, I'd have erectile disfunctions or very delayed ejaculations. My mind was all over the place! Note that she is my only sexual partner I've ever had.

Weeks passed as we were struggling with the issues inside our minds. Until one day I asked her if she would wanna watch porn with me. Now, this is where it all started. It was very unsuccesful as I thought I was doing a good thing, while she was experiencing her worst nightmare! I'd look up the, in my eyes, "normal stuff". Things I'd have watched before so that I knew it wouldn't shock her too much. But boy was I wrong! We watched it but it was very very uncomfortable! Afterwards we had a huge discussion about this day. She told me she was crying all the way home and I had no clue about it! She felt as if I cheated on her with strangers on a screen and she was not wrong! In a way I always felt like it that way, but I was just too used to it.

So after we had this talk, she kinda said that if I wouldn't stop watching porn, our relationship would end! And since I just love her too much and already felt bad about the pornwatching, I decided to quit!


Now we're about 6 months later and I still haven't searched or watched any porn! I'm happy about this! Though I still masturbate on days when I feel lonely or after I saw a hot post on instagram or even a sex scene in a movie that turned me on. I'd hop in the shower or in my bed and take care of that "urge". Still feeling sort of guilty after doing so.

Today I felt another urge like this and instead of looking for something that might "turn me on", I rememberd NoFap from my old 9gag days. So I decided to look into it and realise that it doesn't end with just not watching porn! I also need to stop masturbating in general! Sex is ment to be done with your SO and not alone.

My fiancee works at a place where she'd work 4 days straight, so those days are obviously the days where I have the hardest time!

Now, I have just informed her about NoFap and how I wanna try hard mode! I haven't heard back from her yet , which I don't blame her for. We have a sexual relationship where we'd have sex practically every day that we're together. Sometimes still having the delayed ejaculations, but it has definetly improved since I quit porn.

I'm hoping that doing a reboot for a period of time, might improve my hunger for lovemaking and not just sex! I love those days where I've witheld myself for 4 days and she'd return from work and we'd have an amazing lovemaking session! I want sex to be always like this! And not just to sattisfy my needs.



TL;DR I quit watching porn but not masturbation, trying to reboot while in a relationship.

Does anyone have experience with hard mode while in a sexually active relationship? Should I keep satisfying my future wife and just stop the PM part of PMO? Or would a stop hard mode, as in completely quiting everything sex related, be a better way to deal with this situation?

Anyway, typing this made alot clear in my head and even if nobody would reply, this already helped me in a way.

Greetings

 

Thanks! My strategies are
- getting a routine into my life, mostly I end up chilling in my bed for an hour after waking up, now i'll try and get out of bed asap and shower and stuff.
- whenever I feel urges I'll try to stop whatever i'm doing and do something more time consuming like gym or cleaning my place.
- i guess reading the forum a bit when it's hard seems like a good thing to do aswel!