New comer, tips and advice

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Caught In the Trap, Sep 8, 2020.

  1. Caught In the Trap

    Caught In the Trap Fapstronaut

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    Hello everyone

    First time here but it’s the place I need to be, a little bit about me and I’m gonna be honest because one day I wanna become a success story of my own! I’m 25 years old started masturbating probably when I was 12/13 as early as I can remember.

    All my life I’ve struggled with a crippling anxiety disorder which deteriorated around secondary school. we’re talking about 16/17 years old my use of porn was probably around once to twice a day, but during the peak of my anxiety when I didn't leave the house for nearly a year I would say it was as much as 4/5 it was the only thing providing me with happiness or so I thought so I was in such a shit place mentally and physically... so my addiction I think runs pretty deep.. it gets worse

    even more honesty ...ok so this is the part I’m not proud of but is definitely relevant, as my confidence grew with girls then so did my problems, there has been times where I have paid Money to satisfy this addiction being it sexual, being it on websites, I just seem to go into that zone Where I don’t care a moment of numbness, I wouldn’t say i struggle to get sex so I did this as well. which again showcases how bad it gets, I have ruined past relationships by cheating and also slept with people I really really shouldn’t have, A family members girlfriend which was the biggest and most shameful moment of my life I was 19 and was the realisation that I needed to change. After this I ate up all the guilt that come with this which again can sink you into a very sad self loathing place I would say I have a sex and porn addiction that both thrive off of each other a constant battle of porn or sex.


    fast forward to present day. 25 years old and my anxiety is definitely under control my intentions are good the realisation for me that it is my own choice to make these decision but that the porn is a huge contributing factor to these terrible decisions and if I didn’t use it there is not a chance I would have made the mistakes I have it feels so wrong but right at the same time because of the porn. So this is what has led me here for support. This is the one thing that I’ve never managed to give up fully or at least maintain a big streak so I’m interested to see how this will benefit me and potentially change my life.

    current habits well I’d say I’m currently at 1 a day, and finding the urges to not, incredibly hard to avoid. definitely worse since all this covid crap. Being with my girlfriend is great because When I’m with her I don’t madturbate at all and don’t need sex everyday either.

    I’m quite a mindful individual so I know what things are bad for me and eradicate them from my life but this is the final one, my biggest addiction, my toughest challenge.

    My opinion on porn is that it shouldn’t be a thing it’s is incredibly addictive, leads to searching for a better more intense high, ruins relationships desensitises sex and emotion from the people you love, affects mental health significantly.. and many more things I’ve personally experienced all of these and I need to remember how I felt in moments in my life due to porn, to get over this habit.

    so now for the change I currently have a girlfriend who supports and knows to an extent this is my addiction. I want to change for me and for her and get a hefty streak going! but I know this will help me become a better person and that what my life’s all about bettering my character and to learn from the mistakes of my past to live a full present and positive life where this can no longer get a grip on my life.

    any tips, advice or opinions will be absolutely welcomed and I’m not sure if I have over shared and been to honest but here we are.

    I am finally a member and I’m in the right place to turn this around. I feel like I can do this my self also without therapy, I feel I have the will power with a community like this behind me all seeking the same goal.

    I’m caught in the FapTrap :(
     
  2. Hello there... :)
    Welcome to the community! :)

    [​IMG]
     
    One Eyed Owl likes this.
  3. Some tips that might help you...
    • Note down the time and conditions when you watch porn and masturbate.
    • Stay busy, learn some new stuff, don't be bored and alone in your room.
    • Exercise, meditate, watch or read stuff on self improvement and development.
     
    One Eyed Owl likes this.
  4. One Eyed Owl

    One Eyed Owl Fapstronaut

    Welcome to NoFap!!!
     
    Caught In the Trap likes this.
  5. runner0424

    runner0424 Fapstronaut

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    I relapsed twice after 6 months Or so. I’m currently almost 7 months or so free from that relapse.

    I have learned a lot in my struggle with porn. One, is what triggers me. A lot on the internet and tv triggered me(seeing beautiful women). I believe my last relapse was super bowl halftime show, I didn’t relapse that night, but like a week or two after it, but those images stayed with me and I kept wanting more, even after 6 months.

    I also researched And watched videos of the science behind it all and it releases dopamine In your brain and scary how the addiction can become when I thought I could control it. It took more than just my own willpower.

    The ways I feel like I have conquered it for good was that I had my wife put in an adult filter password that I don’t know what it is(it could be a friend if not married). It’s my backup plan when having a bad day and can’t see the adult sites. I also don’t watch shows that could trigger me and try to turn my head if I think a scene is coming. More importantly though, I have really grown in my faith with God. I have listened to so many sermons on temptations and that has helped me tremendously. Rick Warren and Greg Laurie are 2 of my favorites and have helped me a ton!! I learned about all the garbage I was putting in my mind. The analogy was how we have to watch what we eat, we can’t eat McDonald’s fried food every meal without bad consequences, the same thing applies with what you consistently put in your mind. We are trying to undo years and years of bad addictions and it takes time to undo that.
    “Above Inspiration” YouTube videos are great too. Give them a listen, it’s usually 10-20 min long.

    Hopefully this helps and try and learn as much as possible and avoid whatever gets you tempted and triggered. make it a lifestyle change and don’t beat yourself up if you have a relapse. Just learn from it and keep trying to do better. Porn free radio podcast by Matt Dobschuetz
    I also told myself , I would help as many people possible struggling with this as I could once when I got it under control.

    ALSO remember, you are trying to undo 17 years worth of this habit. It takes time to rewire your mind. Those thoughts will still try and get you and just refocus to something else.
     
  6. runner0424

    runner0424 Fapstronaut

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    I had also had on and off struggle for about 17 years, I meant to put that above.
     
    Caught In the Trap likes this.
  7. Caught In the Trap

    Caught In the Trap Fapstronaut

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    Thank you my friend, glad to be here
     
  8. Caught In the Trap

    Caught In the Trap Fapstronaut

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    Yeah that sounds like a really good idea writing down my thought processes and stuff can figure out triggers I think boredom and loneliness is definitely a trigger.

    Thankyou I’m gonna try get into some older healthy habits like my gyming and calisthenics training. And hopefully gonna take up an instrument to kill some time I’d be an absolute expert the amount of time of wasting on this pointless habit

    wanna stay active on here I. Some threads too to keep me going, Thankyou for the tips
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  9. Caught In the Trap

    Caught In the Trap Fapstronaut

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    Thank you
     
    One Eyed Owl likes this.
  10. Carpediem77

    Carpediem77 Fapstronaut

    hey good luck with your nofap journey. it's all about putting urself in a place that helps u with u'r goals. Based on what i read , being with u'r girlfriend is working out for you.
    Also , be aware of all the triggers and have structured approach to this..
     
  11. Caught In the Trap

    Caught In the Trap Fapstronaut

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    Yeah I think that’s gonna be crucial element to my recovery is realising my triggers I know I can do it but it’s seems to be for me when I’m alone I’m worse. if I’m with someone or someone around I wouldn’t even think about it and probably links to my loneliness with anxiety as a child it was my escape from it sort of thing,

    honesty what a great idea I was thinking about how to do this on my phone or on my internet because it’s just so easy to slip up having that as a back up is a great plan. I’ve watched a bit on the science and how it destroys your dopamine receptors and leaves you feeling numb and sad, but I definitely would be interested in finding some more videoed on the science.

    exactly that I think where this isn’t really recognised as a bad addiction or a notable addiction to most its almost perceived as a normal doing and advertised as healthy I personally disagree with the whole concept of porn. But it’s just the getting off that’s bad, fucked init I know everything about it to me is poison but still do it.

    in regards to faith I’m very much aware of good and bad choices taking a significant importance in my life and I think good and evil are definitely in existence more so now than ever and definitely have an interest in faith and I will be listening to those two you’ve mentioned on temptation.

    yeah well you’re doing a good thing and I appreciate that I soon will be coming back to this thread with a streak, it’s a lot of rewiring I need to do and unlearning behaviours! Well done for doing so well on your journey and keep it going man making you stronger!
     
    runner0424 likes this.
  12. Caught In the Trap

    Caught In the Trap Fapstronaut

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    Thanks mate, I’m excited to see how this goes and makes me feel, I’m here for the struggle too, I think yeah procrastination will be taking a back seat and setting goals in my life will get me through this, yeah it’s good because I can talk to her about the porn addiction and she fully supports my decision and also is of the same belief at how toxic porn can be in our generation so it’s good to have people on the same thought process around you.
     
  13. runner0424

    runner0424 Fapstronaut

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    Yea, just remember it took years and years to get to the point where you are at. Unfortunately we just can’t snap our fingers and have our brain get back to before porn. Telling others too helped me. It took me like 15 of 17 years for me to quit lying to myself that I actually had a big problem and quit using the excuse that everyone does it.
     

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