New Fapstronaut

T

TugboatCalhoun

Fapstronaut
Hello fellow fapstronauts! I'm about 72 hours into a PM reboot. I have committed to never looking at porn again. My wife caught me and it was the most humiliating experience of my life. I was expecting her to freak out but I got an eyeroll. I have heard about dudes being left over porn and the thought of losing my kids over PMO terrifies me. I have a clear understanding of why I was PMOing and what I *should* do when facing triggers, I just need to stick to the protocol when that happens. I am an introvert but I know that I need meaningful interaction, webcam chats are not meaningful but have been a filler. I know this is a secular forum, but I am religious and this has been a monumental moral failure for me. I want to use this and other forums to stimulate the need I identified.

I also realized that there are many triggers lurking on the internet, so I need to use it purposefully and not mindlessly. I was scrolling through social media and a quick video that was not sexual in nature came up. A woman in a very small skirt was in the video and I thought "oh I bet she has an Instagram account, maybe an onlyfans" and I stopped, put the phone down and walked away to acknowledge and analyze what just happened. If I hadn't started nofap I probably would have lost time to searching the web and then PMO. But instead I recognized the trigger and adjusted, not even a close call. As far as I am concerned porn is evil and I want nothing to do with it. I hate it and when I recognize a trigger I have to escape it, willfully identify it as a threat and separate myself from it.

I appreciate the support, good luck on your journey, and let me know if/how I can be helpful!
 
That's cool that your wife just rolled her eyes. Maybe she'd be up for talking about? Talking is the only way to overcome any feelings of shame, so maybe you could with her? It's great that you are aware of your triggers too and that you can make sensible choices when they arise. I know I struggle a lot with that, but have to admit, recently I've been trying more and I feel like abstaining is like a muscle that needs to exercised in order to strengthen.

Anyway, thanks for your post and welcome to Nofap!
 
I totally agree that talking about it is the way to deal with it...but I'd rather talk to you guys about it.

I kind of feel like she and I have talked about the causes without directly talking about it in the last few days. I'm apprehensive to poke the bear, so to speak. It's as if I got a pass and revisiting it would probably stoke her curiosity about the details. I consider it a period if my life that is dead and buried. I definitely feel like I dodged a bullet and have the feeling that if I squander this second chance there will be hell to pay.

Something we talked about was having unrealistic and unspoken expectations of one another and being frustrated with that they were not fulfilled. I think the PMO was the side effect of not having female attention and affection despite being married. It's only been a few days but we have drastically changed the way we are interacting with each other and right now things are about as good as they have been in quite a while.

Thanks for your support!
 
I fully appreciate everything you said. great to hear you're both moved into a better space too. But if you ever do actually want to talk, maybe think about joining one of the support group options available here on the forum. They can be really helpful and supportive. Anyway, something to think about maybe. Just a thought...
 
Y'all I'm at 5 full days and it feels great! Not feeling guilty or having to cover my tracks is a really clean, pure feeling.

Rebooting from P and M only, I'm married and O'd Sunday (great success). A couple triggers but I've been on my best behavior. Definitely seeing why using the internet purposefully is important, triggers all over the place.
 
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