New Femstronaut x

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by AprilLove36, Feb 1, 2018.

  1. AprilLove36

    AprilLove36 Fapstronaut

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    Hi, new femstronaut over here! (I believe that's the term?)

    I'm a 19 year old female, an avid music composer & lyricist, a chocaholic, and a successful law student at Sydney University.

    But there's a secret I've been holding onto. For about a year now I've been in the cycle of MO every single day, and increasingly, multiple times a day. Not 100% if I qualify for the P - it hasn't been 'traditional' porn but youtube videos catering to a specific fetish that I MOed to. This fetish existed as an intense interest since I was a child, and only later in my high school years of internet freedom did I discover it was a remotely sexual desire. In a moment of depression-induced rebellion, I taught myself to masturbate.

    It's been an interesting journey of body discovery and sexual liberation, but one that has been a source of deep shame and guilt. I am not only a fetishist & PMO addict but a committed and growing Christian. I was born into a Christian family and am surrounded by a strong, loving Christian environment, which has made me hyper aware that PMO causes lust & is a sin.

    Due to this environment and also the stimuli I react to, I have found it even harder to tell anyone I know about my addiction and reach out to them for help. The idea of watching conventional porn is unexciting to me as I have been warned of its dangers since high school. Therefore I feel if I shared my problem, I would have to also open up about my fetish, which I find impossible to do - I'm sure they would never look at me the same again.

    Still, I have become increasingly aware that this addiction is hampering my physical & mental health, and with every day I continue to do it, takes me further away from God. I'm also concerned it would a detrimental effect on me ever starting a healthy relationship with a male, something I desire and pray for deeply. But before I can even go there, I'm certain I will have to stop my addiction. But that's proved easier said than done when I have 3 months of uni holidays, sitting in my room getting pretty easily bored...

    So, after a year of struggling silently and in isolation, today I am reaching out to start my journey! I can't predict how long I'll last, but I'm going to throw the kitchen sink at this. I'll try to be 100% honest without feeling ashamed, and I'll pray that I succeed in some way or another.

    Let's reboot!

    April x
     
  2. GeeWhizz

    GeeWhizz Fapstronaut

    Hi @AprilLove36:

    Welcome to NoFap.
    You have just joined a wonderful, caring community and I would encourage you to immerse yourself in it. Spend every free moment you have reading, chatting and learning from the experiences of other Femstronauts and Fapstronauts.
    You will likely find a strong presence of Christians here. There’s only one boat and we’re all in it.

    I look forward to hearing from you sometime in the near future.
     
    AprilLove36 and Floweringlife like this.
  3. Hey April,
    Welcome to the NoFap Community!
    If you haven't already, check out this information on rebooting. I've found it helpful in knowing what to expect.
    A few quick tips:
    1) When you're being tempted, pray. Ask God to show you the way out.
    2) Flee tempting situations. (This might involve walking around the block, calling a friend, etc.)
    Feel free to message me or anyone else here if you have questions or want to talk.
    Best of luck during your reboot.
    Again, Welcome!
     
    AprilLove36 and Floweringlife like this.
  4. Hi! I relate to your story and am a Christian female age 34. I understand some of where you are coming from, having been raised to stay away from porn and masturbation and sexual impurity and promiscuity. And I know it can also be hard to find safe people to talk with about it. I have a few Christians in my life who I’ve been able to open up to, and I was scared to tell at first, but am glad I did and it is very freeing and lightens my load and gives me hope. I am also thankful for the resources and community on here.
    I had some trauma when I was younger and was afraid of sexuality and then over corrected and self sabotaged and got involved with some guys in real life and then also started doing video chats where I was masturbating whole other people did the same. I am healing and have been clean for a few weeks now and am working hard to stay on the upward climb. I am so encouraged and so much freer and it’s just a daily learning experience of responding to life in healthy ways, taking better care of myself, seeing myself differently, asking for help, staying accountable. Going gently forward and not being too hard on myself and being honest and teachable.
    Hope that wasn’t tmi, just wanted to know there’s other people around! And I’m happy to hear from other women about their journeys.
    Best wishes! Congratulations on your new adventure!
     
  5. AprilLove36

    AprilLove36 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks so much! I'm so glad that there is a strong Christian presence here :D
     
    Floweringlife likes this.
  6. AprilLove36

    AprilLove36 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks so much for your help! And Christian counsel on it as well, that is definitely gonna be super important.
    Honestly I'm even finding day 2 challenging!
     
  7. AprilLove36

    AprilLove36 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks so much for sharing this story with Flowering Life :) Definitely not tmi! It's so great to know I'm not the only one who has struggled with this.
     
    Floweringlife likes this.
  8. Welcome to nofap. I'm a Christian too.
    I see you're hesitant to reach out to people in Church because you might reveal your fetish, but I'd say you're safe to ask for prayer just for lust. I have a Church leader pray for me every now and then and he doesn't know any of my p fetishes. Just that I watch P and M.

    So you're a musician? Pump it up a notch. Throw yourself into your music and your schoolwork and you'll never have the time to be tempted.
    I used to be able to use video games as a distraction 7 hours a day but I pumped the breaks on that yesterday because the game I played the most was having a negative effect on me. Today I relapsed. Coincidence? Maybe, maybe not. All I Know is I played significantly less video games today because I cut out the one I played the most, and that gave me a lot of free time. A whole LOT of free time to just sit and diddle my fingers on the internet. Watching videos, browsing memes, etc. By the time I got tempted, I had no distraction. I caved easily.
     
    AprilLove36 and Floweringlife like this.
  9. So glad to hear it! God bless you and strengthen you on your journey!! There’s lots of hope and healing and joy ahead!!
     
  10. In response the both Celestialmistake and AprilLove36- (side note I disagree that you’re a mistake btw!)

    Yea I agree that finding good things to fill your time and use your energy and distract and build you up are great strategies. I’ve found this to be true for myself for sure. And just putting an importance on self care has been really helpful for me as well. Some triggers for me are when I’m feeling worn out or stressed and need attention, and especially if I’m alone with a screen. So I’m learning to find other outlets- calling a friend, dealing with my emotions instead of stuffing them and then being tempted to self medicate in bad ways, and just valuing myself enough to treat myself in healthy ways like indulging a few healthy urges like for good healthy food especially when I’m tired and need it since I have active jobs.
    I have also been picking up some extra hours at work but trying not to overdo it and get worn out. Just trying to keep better tabs on myself in each moment and take better care so I’m not feeling like I need to overkill in any area. Learning to have healthy outlets and learn new skills too, like a new language. And creative outlets like music are a great idea Celestialmistake!

    I feel like this is a little rambly and long but I’m trying to post positive things as they come to mind and as the opportunities present themselves. I’m also still kina waking up.

    Anyway, best wishes and blessings and strength and joy and healing to both of you!
     
    CelestialMistake and AprilLove36 like this.
  11. dwalk77

    dwalk77 Fapstronaut

    Welcome April! Thanks for sharing, I can relate about wanting to keep it a secret, and the shame and guilt felt from being brought up with Christian values. Good for you for coming here and sharing, I know that takes some courage. Look forward to hearing more
     
    AprilLove36 and Floweringlife like this.
  12. AprilLove36

    AprilLove36 Fapstronaut

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    That's encouraging to know. Still don't think I will ever the courage to do so, but I really admire that you have been able to!
    And I definitely agree with the distractions - when I'm busy or with other people I don't even think about it!
     
    Floweringlife likes this.
  13. AprilLove36

    AprilLove36 Fapstronaut

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    Good job Floweringlife! Busyness sounds perfect!
     
    Floweringlife likes this.
  14. AprilLove36

    AprilLove36 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you so much! Glad to know I'm not alone in it. xx
     
  15. Femstronaut. Love this one :)
     
  16. Hey @AprilLove36 ,

    I'm just a normal ordinary member. No moderator super powers and no special insite. I share my ESH (Experience, Strength and Hope) of what works for me.

    Just another warm welcome and a heart felt hello. This community has helped me so much.

    What worked for me was "working" it. It took hard work for me to complete a hard reboot (No pmo) for 120 days, then move into a Sex Positive mode.

    First, reading the literature published by NoFap itself along with reading journals.

    Then, doing the work. Writing in my journal and replying to introductions and other's journals.

    Finally, but not least, getting involved with the fellowship. I found it on the forums, but also in people's profiles. The forums tend to be longer posts, where the profiles tend to be more "conversational".

    That is what has worked for me. I like to remind myself that this community was here waiting for me with the lights on when I arrived. Now, I have to do my best to be there when someone comes to the community.

    * L

    PS:

    One of the ways I got involved with the fellowship was by reading some really great journals. Reading other's stories with their victories and even defeats is a big part of my program.

    I've included journals from all age groups, spiritual members, religious members, secular members, male and female. You should find journals that help. If not, look around, there are hundreds of others from which to choose. When I say "it works if you work it", reading journals is part of that work.

    Once you open a journal, click "Watch Thread" in the upper right of the page to get alerts when new posts are made. Here are just a few:

    @C. J. Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/153580/
    ---
    @Reverent Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/143845/
    ---
    @weddingnails Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/143418/
    ---
    @2525 Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/150280/
    ---
    @Visor Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/144228/
    ---
     
    AprilLove36 likes this.
  17. AprilLove36

    AprilLove36 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you so much for all your advice! I will definitely be having a look at these journals. And trying to 'work it' as much as I possibly can... I desperately don't want to give in!
     
  18. Looking forward to seeing you around on the forums.

    * L
     

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